#shulienne

Once the photographer had left the hall, Sister Julienne began to feel a little bit more relaxed. Posing for a camera on a stage had never been something she’d done before, and to be honest, it wasn’t the most comfortable experience. She was grateful for the youth and vibrancy of Trixie and Joyce who seemed to take it all in their stride and take her under their wing in that way.

The night itself had been superb. Sister Julienne had enjoyed listening to and relishing the stories and tributes to the mothers of Poplar. Heart-soaring stories of love and care. Motherhood was something she was surrounded by in her work, although so very often she just saw the very beginnings as it was blossoming. She spent less time with mothers in full bloom once they had found their stride. It had been such a celebration to hear amazing stories from around the district of mothers who had meant so much to so many people.

When Sister Monica Joan and Sister Veronica had got up on stage she had no idea what was coming. She was surprised to see them there as she’d not been made her aware of any plans. And as they began to speak she thought perhaps they might be talking about their dear friend Shelagh...although Shelagh’s children had already given their own tribute. Hearing her own name though - well to say she hadn’t expected it to was an understatement.

Aside from the fact she wasn’t actually biologically a mother, she had never really taken into account that she could be seen as one. She was simply doing God’s work...which was to love, as best as she could, all that she came into contact with.

Laying her flowers down on the table, Sister Julienne smiled and greeted the many well wishers and congratulations coming from those around her. Comments and congratulations swarming around her. So deserved. Thank you, Sister. No-one better. None of us could have said it better. We have been so grateful for you, Sister.

She smiled, and nodded. And really, had little to say in response, other than “It has always been my pleasure to serve you all.”

She removed the rosette from her habit and placed it next to the bouquet on the table - it seemed frivolous and wasn’t really in keeping with a life of humility. Around her her friends, colleagues and community were celebrating the whole event, music had started and some of the children were dancing. There was true joy.

Sister Julienne smiled to herself and took a brief look around before making her way towards the exit.

* * *

Sister Julienne inhaled deeply, taking in the cool evening air. She already felt instantly more peaceful by stepping outside and closed her eyes with her face to the stars. God was good. God was very good.

She became aware then of a presence on the bench just to the side of her, and she turned to see Miss Higgins staring a little less peacefully into the middle distance. Sister Julienne immediately felt her heart pierced with sorrow. Miss Higgins had faced so much in the last few days that Sister Julienne could hardly believe she was still standing, let alone able to attend this event with the composure she had. She took a seat next to her on the bench, both women sat facing forward not turning to look at one another.

There was silence for a while, and Sister Julienne did not know what words she could offer, if any. Over the last few days Miss Higgins had been a semi-frequent visitor to Nonnatus, Nurse Crane offering her meals and the general solace of being around others. The pair had a firm friendship, which Sister Julienne could see was of enormous comfort to Miss Higgins at this time. She, however, didn’t know the woman well despite having worked together now for years. Their acquaintance had been almost strictly professional up to this point.

“The air is very refreshing,” Sister Julienne said quietly. “It is quite stuffy in there.”

Miss Higgins nodded. “Congratulations,” she offered in response quietly, genuinely and tentatively.

Sister Julienne shook her head, smiling. “It is quite remarkable, and not a title I feel in the least bit deserving of.”

“People want to show their regard for you, Sister.”

“I understand that. And I am not ungrateful of the gesture in the slightest. But it doesn’t sit comfortably with me....at least not at the moment. Perhaps that will change.”

“Motherhood...being a mother I think...” Miss Higgins began, her eyes still fixed ahead of her. “Well, I think it means a lot of different things. And I think to be one, is such a privilege.”

Miss Higgins looked down and swallowed any threatened emotion. She wasn’t likely to lose her composure, she had always been a resolute, firm and an in control woman. But Sister Julienne had felt the energy shift around her, a sadness pressed in to them both. She rested her hand on Miss Higgins arm, a touch most unusual for the pair of them to experience together.

“It most certainly is,” she squeezed her arm. “And it is not a privilege that will go away, or fade or disappear, Millicent. It will always be with you.”

Miss Higgins looked up at that moment, her eyes damp and reflecting the surrounding light from the hall. She nodded, agreeing with Sister Julienne. “Thank you, Sister.” She squeezed the nuns hand in gratitude and stood up making her way to Nurse Crane’s car where her friend was waiting for her.

Sister Julienne gave a wave of acknowledgement to Nurse Crane as the pair headed back in the direction of Nonnatus House and Sister Julienne leant back on the bench closing her eyes.

I cannot understand the meaning in this. I love these people, this community, my work...but I don’t need the recognition. I would always have continued to do the work joyfully and to love as best as I am able if no one would ever have recognised it. It is what You have called me to do. There are so many genuine mothers who deserve this recognition. Mothers who have sacrificed their lives for their children, who have changed their world to make sure their children have everything they have ever needed. All I have ever done is do exactly what I was called to do...hardly seems like a sacrifice.

“Penny for them?” came Shelagh’s voice as she sat down next to Sister Julienne.

Sister Julienne smiled. She knew Shelagh would be here with her at some point this evening. She’d noticed Shelagh keeping a quiet eye in the background on her, provided her a small smile when the attention ramped up and she began to feel uncomfortable.

“I was just taking it all in,” the nun explained. “Letting the idea of it all...settle.”

“It isn’t a bad thing to receive praise, you know,” Shelagh offered quietly, holding the rosette that Sister Julienne had left on the table, knowing that the idea of praise and attention would be niggling somewhere in Sister Julienne’s thoughts.

“No. But I don’t need it, I haven’t asked for it...”

Shelagh chuckled quietly. “I think that’s the point and what got you the nomination!”

Shelagh shuffled along the bench closer to her Sister and took her hand, resting her head onto her shoulder. The peaceful surroundings only slightly interrupted by the distant murmur of chatter in the hall from the celebrations inside. The wide open starry sky above them, Sister Julienne tilted her head so it rested on Shelagh’s, the pair sat next to each other, leaning on one another.

“I love looking at the stars,” Shelagh began. “It reminds me of how vast it all is, and how delicate and intricate we are. How, in all of the world, we are here in this one space. We could be anywhere, but we were placed here...to do God’s work...to live the life he wanted us to, right here.”

She paused for a moment, hearing the slow breathing of Sister Julienne, totally relaxing in that thought.

“You didn’t need an award tonight, it’s true. You don’t need it because you are already loved and cherished right here in this place. But, how are we all to repay such love that you’ve shown? It’s not the title, or the flowers, or the rosette...it’s our honour and our privilege to show our love and appreciation to you. And this is the way we were able to do that. There is no doubt to me that you were called to be a mother right here in this community and to all these people...In all of the universe, in all of the world, this is exactly as it was always meant to be.”

“Being a mother is a privilege...” Sister Julienne repeated from her earlier conversation.

Shelagh smiled. “Well, yes. But it’s also hard work. And it’s joyful. And it hurts. And it’s realising you don’t know what you’re doing, but doing it somehow anyway out of love. It’s disappointing. And it’s rewarding. It makes you furious...and it makes you love fiercely.”

“Yes, I suppose that does sound rather familiar,” reflecting on everything she had felt whilst working in the Poplar community.

Shelagh sat up right to look directly at her Sister, emotion beginning to etch its way into her voice. “Sister, having being cared for by you has been the greatest privilege I have known. You have taught me so much, cared for me so patiently and kindly, sat with me in my darkest hour and offered me your wisdom and your love at every turn. The privilege and the honour have always been mine.”

“Oh Shelagh...” Sister Julienne took her friend in her arms and kissed her gently on the cheek. “I could never have loved you any more than if you were my own flesh and blood.”

The two women looked at each other, smiling amongst their tears. Shelagh opened her hand to display the rosette from earlier. “May I?”

Sister Julienne nodded, and Shelagh reattached the rosette to the habit, placing her hands on the nuns shoulders and beamed. “I could never have asked for more in my life. And I could never have been more proud.”