#shrew ask

when i first joined this side of tumblr, i saw a lot of wlw blogs using it, and i didn’t think much of it. many mentioned their posts being taken out of context and applied to relationships they didn’t want to be associated with, so i felt like i had to include it too. plus, sometimes, i’m uncomfortable with seeing a man’s body in a sexual way, so it made sense at the time even though deep down i still felt weird about including it.

but a few things made me question it past just an uncomfortable feeling. i came across a man—possibly trans—who had in his bio that he didn’t want to interact with accounts that used any "men dni" statement because he wanted to be respected as a man. then, i saw a genderfluid person say they wanted to interact with “men dni” accounts but didn’t want to make them uncomfortable. to me, it just feels like it still comes off as transphobic as it doesn’t consider transmen as just men, and the same thing with women too. and even outside of the trans community, it feels exclusionary to folks like those who are nonbinary or genderfluid but appear to be a certain gender for example.

even thinking more about my own gender and sexuality made me reconsider too. i identify more with feminine terms, but i’m still questioning if i consider myself nonbinary since i’m okay with he/him pronouns and sometimes enjoy other masculine terms. sexuality-wise, i mostly think about women, but i might open to anyone if i like them enough, so i don’t feel comfortable labeling myself yet. so honestly, while this account will be centered around women, i think i’m okay with men and het women interacting as long as it’s respectful and not misrepresentative. if the way they interact doesn't fit that, the block button or a simple dm would suffice for me. i don't think i need to punish an entire group of people for the way some interact with my posts.

i mean, hell, as embarassing to admit this as it is, i’ve been guilty of doing that exact thing myself. early on in this blog, i reblogged a trans guy’s t4t gay post and applied it to lesbian relationships. i didn’t realize at the time, and when he pointed it out, i hesitated to delete it—i wasn’t sure if he wanted me to—but i should’ve removed it right away to avoid misrepresenting his post instead of waiting like i did. i’ve since learned my lesson and try to remember to check hashtags and bios before interacting, but i wouldn't want women to be shut out from his posts based on my mistake.

all this to say: gender and sexuality are complex, and while boundaries are valid, this specific statement started to feel too rigid and not that progressive in a community that aims to support fluidity and validation. maybe others have their personal reasons for including it, but i won’t be including it in my own posts or bio anymore. unfortunately, with the way tumblr is structured, i can't change the appearance of the posts i've plastered this statement on, but i might include a statement like “this post is about lesbian relationships—don’t make it about straight ones.” or something cause it still sets a boundary with behavior while still validating the identity of those who come across it.