“I’m sorry I’m so late tonight, Poppy. We were both supposed to finish working early, but it doesn’t always turn out that way.” He scratched the puppy vigorously with all his fingers. She yipped and he laughed happily at her excitement.

Shownu stood up and slipped off his sneakers before entering the long hallway. “Let me change my clothes and we can go outside. I know you've been waiting all night for our walk. I’m sorry, it's only you and me tonight. But as soon as I get changed we can go outside.”

The puppy followed him as he rushed through the apartment, heading toward the bedroom. He opened the large wardrobe door and caught a flash of her blurry white reflection in the full length mirror attached inside. He smiled to himself. She had only been with them for a few weeks, but just as everyone had predicted she was already his shadow. 

Within a few minutes, Shownu was walking back to the front door dressed in black sweatpants and a plain white tee. Poppy ran past him and danced in place below the wall hook that held her leash. 

He took the leash off the hook and bent over to attach the harness around her warm little body. “Ok Poppy, it’s finally time for a walk! It’s your favorite time of the day, except meal time. You’re like me. Mealtime and walk-time are my favorite parts of the day, too.” He rubbed the top of her head with his thumb and she yipped.

Shownu slipped on his white sneakers and stood up, holding the leash in one hand. He patted his pocket for his phone and nodded to himself when he felt it through the sweatpants. He grabbed a plain black ballcap from another hook on the wall and placed it on his head, then he pulled the door open for the two of them. “Let’s go, Poppy!”

*

It was a clear, cool night. He only saw a few other people along the road as he and Poppy walked through the neighborhood. 

Usually, the three of them took a winding walk together in the evening, wandering down every quiet street and catching up on everything that had happened during the day. On some nights, it was a long quiet walk instead, holding hands in comfortable silence as Poppy explored scents and sounds of the night. 

Tonight it was just the two of them, and Shownu was in a contemplative mood. He found himself thinking about things he hadn’t thought about in a while. He decided to stay out a little longer than usual before turning back toward home.

Up ahead, he spotted a small park with a playground for young children. During the daytime it was full of kids chasing each other, their parents sipping iced coffees on the benches that lined the play area. After dark, the area was lit by street lamps and the benches often had couples chatting quietly close together or friends sharing a few beers after a long day.

Tonight, the benches were all empty, but there was one person on the swings. They were swaying gently, side to side, and their head was tilted up toward the night sky.

As he and Poppy drew closer to the playground, Shownu recognized the person on the swings and smiled. What a surprise that he would see this person here, of all the people he knew, moments after he had been reminiscing about their time together! He had even planned to call them tomorrow.

Shownu led Poppy in a wide arc toward the swingset, hoping they would see him walking in their direction. He didn’t want to disturb the silence by calling out toward them.

“Shownu!” Shownu smiled broadly when the man hissed his name into the night. He had a huge grin on his face as he looked at Shownu. The man motioned for him to sit on the other swing, and he waved eagerly toward Poppy as they came closer. He put one finger to his lips then pointed to his chest, where an infant was tucked into a sling that wrapped around his chest, back, and shoulders. 

Shownu sat down on the swing next to his friend. It curved low to carry his weight, and he chuckled quietly. He extended Poppy’s leash so she could explore the area past his feet, then he turned toward Minhyuk

It was better to whisper, just in case. “Is it ok to talk?” 

“Yes, yes! We don't have to whisper. He’s sleeping. I came outside to help him sleep. Sometimes the swing helps him. It’s such a nice evening that I wanted to spend some more time outside. I’m glad I did!”

“Me too.” They both watched Poppy as she walked back to Shownu and curled into a fluffy white ball beside his foot. He could feel her deep breaths against his sneaker. “Did you eat?”

“Yes, we both ate before he woke up again. And every time you message me a gift card we use it right away. You always have perfect timing! You always send one when we are both hungry but we both forget to order dinner.”

“Good, good. Is he waking up a lot?”

“I think it’s average. We’re not sleeping much, but we’re getting used to it. There is so much to do all the time and we are both tired. It’s like our rookie years! Hyungwon called me today and we were talking about this. I never knew I would have another time in my life with so little sleep.”

“That tiredness was so difficult. If that’s how it is for you, I hope you both can rest soon.”

“Me too!” He laughed and looked up at the sky again. “Me too.”

Shownu looked up, too. The night sky was filled with gray clouds, but there was no chance of rain. It was a typical overcast evening in the city. He glanced around the neighborhood. All the tall apartment buildings nearby had windows twinkling with light. He could see two people entering a convenience store across the street from the park. 

“What are you looking for?” Shownu asked.

“Oh! Nothing.” He turned to look at Shownu. “I wanted to see the stars, but you can’t always see stars in the night sky in Seoul. I was thinking about the last time I saw them. I think it’s been a long time. Since before him, definitely!”

He looked down at the baby and smiled softly. Shownu watched him and smiled, too. Suddenly, Minhyuk looked directly at Shownu and started speaking with urgency. He didn’t sound upset or scared. He almost sounded worried. Shownu narrowed his eyes and listened carefully.

“– and he’s so quiet when he is awake. He is always watching us! He listens to us carefully even though he has no idea what we are saying to him. He looks right at me when I ask him a question, even though I am the one who answers the question too. I can’t wait until I can hear him tell me what he is thinking –”

Showny relaxed, but kept his focus on Minhyuk’s face. This is how their conversations went sometimes. He was glad Minyuk still trusted him enough to share his deepest thoughts, the thoughts other people assumed Minhyuk wasn’t capable of having because of his outward personality. 

“– sometimes I wonder if he’s more like you than me,” Minhyuk finished quietly. He looked down at the baby again.

“Are you worried you won’t be able to connect with him?” Shownu thought this was unlikely, but it sounded to him like this was Minhuk’s real concern.

Minhyuk sighed, and it turned into a small laugh. “When you say it like that, I guess every parent probably shares these worries. I suppose we’ll see. No matter what happens, I'll keep trying.”

Minhyuk looked up at the cloudy night sky again, then he looked down at Poppy before speaking once more.

“I love everything about him, Shownu, but I worry about him. I’m worried that he won’t be able to speak up when his happiness is at stake. I worry about a million things, but sometimes I worry about this especially. I think it will continue to be my biggest worry.”

“That’s probably because you know how difficult it can be.”

“We both do. It’s the hardest thing.” 

He looked up at Shownu again, and he looked surprised to see that Shownu had been watching him. He rested one large hand on the tiny baby in the sling and took a deep breath. 

“Shownu, is there anything you wish you didn’t hold inside, back then?”

Shownu’s response was on the tip of his tongue because he didn’t have to wonder about an answer. He had been thinking about this during the walk to the park because of a conversation he had earlier today. In truth, he had been thinking about this most of the day.

“I wish I told you more often how proud I was. All six of you. You worked hard. Everyone was working hard.”

“You did tell us! You loved us a lot.” He paused, and it looked to Shownu like he was thinking carefully about his next words. “I think you told other people that, often.”

“Yes, I did. I did. I told everyone!” But did he tell them enough?

“I heard you telling the convenience store employee one night, the night before we finally moved into separate dorms. You told him you had a really good team at work and you were proud of how hard they worked. You said you were amazed how much they achieved together and individually. I stood to the side because I didn't want you to stop talking if you saw me. I wanted to hear everything you said. It made me feel safe, like ‘oh, Shownu will still love me in his way even if we live separately.’ I didn’t realize I was worried about it until that moment.” 

Shownu sat quietly for a moment after Minhyuk shared his memory. “I loved you a lot. I still love you, even though we live separately.”

Minhyuk laughed.

“You made it such a bright time of my life. The six bright stars in Seoul.”

Minhyuk laughed again and glanced up toward the starless sky. “You're not even the dad, but you make the most dad jokes!”

“It's who I am.”

“Shownu is Shownu.” They smiled at each other. “Thank you, Shownu.” 

Minhyuk looked down at his chest, still smiling, and he pressed his broad palm against the baby’s back

“I’m glad I saw you tonight,” Shownu said. “I didn’t expect to see anyone I knew because we began our walk so late.”