#short work

It was raining, not a heavy downpour. The kind that lulled you to sleep, the ground was wet from the hours of downpour. Still it couldn't trace the girl that slipped into the open window. Kaz's back was to the wall, eyes closed. The room dimly lit, dark enough to sleep but just enough light for potential movement. The moment she got close however his eyes open and she sucks in a breath, pausing in motion. "You're awake." she whispers and his raspy certain voice confirms her suspicion. "Couldn't sleep." Inej straightens when he sits up, they had been like this ever since Kaz had confessed on the harbor as she was to leave for one of her many sea voyages. Instead, she left there with Kaz not holding hands but close enough to touch. After that, she had been maybe been a bit self conscious around Kaz, but in the good giddy kind of way. Tonight, she just wanted to get a good look at him without getting flustered or caught, so much for her scheme. Almost instinctively she reports, "Jesper is back with Nina. They seem to have gone shopping. I thought the plan was to inconspicuously get information?" "Wouldn't work with the both, now it's 'spoiled and loud'." "Much more suitable." she agrees into the silence and they just stare at each other.

"Would you like company," Inej partly jokes. Kaz features obscured by the flimsy lighting grims, as though contemplating. Silently he shifts, softly patting the bed beside him. Inej is stopped in her tracks, she did not expect him to take up her offer but she doesn't give herself the chance to back away. She pulls off her light shoes, grateful she is simply dressed despite the weather. Hesitantly, she crawls into the bed with Kaz, too small for two people but with just enough space to avoid touching. Unsure of what to do, she faces into the distance, back to him. He let goes of a breath she thought she was imagining and for the next few elongated moments, they stay just like that. Finally, almost subconsciously right about when she is about to fall asleep, she turns in bid to get more comfortable, realization only washes through her when she realizes she is almost completely on Kaz. His pupils are completely blown when she looks at him before his body turns completely rigid. "Oh saints," she whispers, shooting up and away, watching Kaz intently unsure of what to do. He breathes hard, grounding himself in the present. "Kaz?" she calls, a while later. No answer. Worried, she calls again, "Kaz, are you-" "Fine." he forces out, shuddering. Inej lips press into a thin line, waiting as his breath evens out as the minutes pass. She knew he had his struggles, but it didn't hurt less. Eventually, the subtle shivers stop. It is then she notices he is asleep. Slowly, she made herself get up and leave. Perhaps she should have never come.

The next morning was torture for Kaz. He couldn't believe what had happen, dread washed over him when reminiscing. He had her so close, yet so far. He came out as usual, dressed after several moments of thoughts and berating. It seemed as though nothing was different, Inej slipped into his shadow, the dregs was slowly coming alive. It was all the same but some how so different. Somehow, when decided he would talk to her, he never found her alone. She was either chatting with Wylan, or eating with Nina and Jesper. And that night she did not come, nor the next or the one after that. Nights were spent waiting and hoping silently for her return. She did not. Kaz was not about to ask any of the others for advice, he doubt they even knew of their relationship and he planned to keep it that way till it was unavoidable. Not because he was ashamed, rather it had become nature to keep a morsel of information for himself only. The day she does come, she is barely in the room when he calls out for her. "Inej." she gives no answer. Subconsciously terrified of what he would do if she left calls out to her again. Same cold silence, it had been rainy most days recently. But it could not explain the chill that went through him.

"Kaz." she finally answers, slipping out of the shadows. Kaz face was stoic, contrary to how fast his heart was skipping the closer she got. And close she did. She takes a breath before she speaks, "Couldn't sleep?" "No." was his short reply, too busy thinking of you. No excuse is given this time, no report or fine words to trade. It is as though they work in synchrony, a make shift bedding is made on the cool floor. There Kaz would have the space he needed, while they fulfilled the crave for company with each other. Quiet, Inej slipped under the covers ready to drift into sleep with Kaz joining her. Half way there, warm soft hand grasps her and she jolts awake, breath catching. No words, just hands. She stares at Kaz who has his eyes on her already once again pupils fully dilated. He was here though, not where ever she thought that response took him. oh. They look into each others eyes, his usual harden face softened and hers in delicious surprise. Comfortable silence. For the rest of the night, he doesn't let go. This time, Inej is kept up awake, mind racing. he was unpredictable, but this. This was pleasant, this was sweet and warm. While Inej mind would be up and about, Kaz would sleep the best he has. After all, he's had this moment in mind and now it was finally happening. It was worth those sleepless nights.

And wonders if her parents ever loved her

He took her life and innocence

And she can’t fight for it back 

She lost her hope and light a long time ago

There is no god; he never came to save her

She got on her knees and prayed 

And there was never hope until she fought back herself

She grieved what once was

No one came to help her so she helped herself

She became her own knight in shining armour 

She sat beneath burning water until she was fresh, raw, new

But never the same

No one is coming to save you; get up

(Tip of the tongue but I can't deliver it properly)

Part One

A/N: hey, a short Alex one for you! it's been in my drafts for a while now, and isn't proofread but I figured I'd just post it and see if anyone likes it, first time writing for him so bare with me..

Summary: You and Alex have been together for ages and it's been so incredible, only now things have changed and you're struggling to tell him just how you feel.

Warning: angst- but also a bit of fluff so, lack of communication

Part Two

--

I’d been dropping hints.

JESUS CHRIST had I been dropping hints.

There wasn’t a day gone by that I hadn’t thought about it finally happening. But as I mentioned, I’d been dropping hints only, they hadn’t been hitting.

So either I was relatively shit at this whole charade or… Alex was just utterly clueless.

I was leaning more towards the latter. But maybe I was simply biased, because over the last coming weeks my hints hadn’t been all that subtle.

I mean, only the other day we’d been on the way to my sister’s house for tea- she’d recently gotten engaged and mum had wanted to celebrate the only way my family really knew how. With good food. 

But neither Alex or I had remembered to pick up the wine we’d promised beforehand, and so we’d popped into the local Tesco’s on the drive over to pick up a few bottles. And whilst we’d been perusing- as you do- we’d somehow found ourselves wandering down the baby aisle.

Yes, the baby aisle. Because that was what I’d been waiting on. A baby. Or rather, a fucking good shag that then led to a baby.

Because, let’s be honest, I really wasn’t one to turn down a good time, far from, but these last few weeks there had been something else I’d been rather hoping for.

Everyone (and I mean everyone!!) around us was either settling down, buying homes, building families, or getting engaged. And Alex and I, well we’d been together for years and yet, nothing.

No ring. No big day planned. No talks of the future. Nada.

Nothing.

And I could honestly say that I wasn’t the type that needed that kind of security voiced or announced.

Truly. 

When Alex and I had first gotten together, I’d only realised that we were properly seeing each other when some other lad at a house party had tried to pull me. I’d never seen Alex so possessive, and it had been proper cute and a tad bit funny in the moment. He’d ‘staked his claim’- how cliche and chauvinistic, yes I know- but that was what had quickly taken us from Y/n and Alex, to Y/nandAlex. Which had suited me quite fine.

So yeah, him and I, since then had always sort of relied on our actions to simply show how we were feeling. 

Like when we’d first moved in together. There’d not been much of a discussion about it, my flat had quickly become the first place Alex would come back to after touring, his stuff had just started taking up space- washing in the dryer, dirty trainers in the hallway- and then he’d started calling it home. ‘Let’s head home, shall we?’ and ‘We’ll be home soon, darling.’ 

And that was all lovely. I adored having that kind of connection with him. 

But there were times when I desperately wished he would open up a little more about what he was thinking. Because although I could read him like an open book most days- his emotions especially- there were far and few times in between when I just felt so lost.

Like recently, I supposed.

I feel like we’ve been on the same page for so long, only now I’m ready to turn anew, start another chapter. Together.

But Alex? I have no fucking clue what he wants.

In all honesty, I think he’d be rather content to just carry on as we have been for the rest of eternity. No talk, no hashing things out. Have Christmas dinner with his parents, spend Boxing Day with mine. New Years in London, back home in time for spring. Same order from the local kebab, Friday nights stay reserved for one another.

And that would be it.

Lost to this routine.

Not that I was expecting a proposal or some grand gesture. I wasn’t much into the idea of any of that! No, just- I wanted more, you know?

I wanted that family I’d always dreamt about, that house we’d quickly make a home. I wanted nappies and nightly feeds, baby-grows which then turned into dungarees. Ten tiny little toes, someone with a cute button nose, a person made up of both him and I. 

But I just didn’t know when that would happen, or if it ever would.

So yeah- Tesco’s. Fuck, did I love to ramble! If Alex could only hear me now I supposed. 

So, as I was saying, we’d been stood in the baby aisle, Alex scrolling through his phone aimlessly, waiting for my dad to text him back a reply after we’d asked if they’d needed anything else whilst we were out. And me, staring starry eyed at the tiny socks and mittens and cute little newborn tees that were on display.

I’d said to him, almost thoughtlessly, “Imagine us having to buy all this. All these tiny little things.”

He’d just glanced up at me, smiled, hummed. Then replied, “Your dad asked if you’d pick him up some of that heartburn medication he buys. Says his acid reflux is playing up again.”

And hadn’t that just been grand? Mentioning my father’s gastrointestinal issues whilst we’d been stood surrounded by adorable little baby items, with me unsubtly referencing the image of US buying some for OUR child in the (now very obvious and very, very far) future.

Incredibly clued in, my Alex.

That hadn’t even been the worst of it though.

A few weeks back, my friend had mentioned that her and her fiancé were actively trying to conceive and I’d been so over the moon for the pair of them. All excited about the chance of having another baby to spoil rotten.

And Alex, he had been all smiles whilst congratulating them, sat comfortably beside me, but when I’d brought it up again on the drive home, he’d simply shrugged it off as though it was a thing that occurred every other day. 

Your mates starting a family. Nothing too out of the ordinary there, at least not to Alex. 

It had royally pissed me off in truth.

And I’d been a little off with him ever since, I think he knew it too.

“Love?”

I blinked out of the daze I’d let myself get lost in and looked away from the laptop screen I’d been staring at for the last, however long. I hummed quietly to him in reply, titling my head against the cushions and over towards where he was stood in the doorway.

“Been calling your name for a while now, you alright?” He quirked a brow up at me, a smug little smile limning his lips as he leant against the frame. He didn’t even know how good he looked. 

I nodded with a small smile then glanced away, back towards the email I’d just been typing. “‘M fine. Just need to get this done.”

Alex said nothing but I heard the soft shuffle of his socked feet across our wooden floors before the settee dipped beside me. He rested his chin against my shoulder, peering down at the screen.

“Just wanted to know what you fancied for tea.” Alex murmured, breath brushing against the skin of my neck. I withheld a shiver. “Figured we could order from that place round the corner.”

I rolled my lip against the other, pushing my glasses up my nose before I wrote another passage, honing all of my focus on finishing this email so that I could finally just relax for the evening.

“Whatever you want, Al. I’m not all that fussed.”

Alex leant away from me slightly, back pressing against the settee cushions, he stayed that way for a while and I could feel his presence as I continued to type away. It was only a short time later that I grinned triumphantly down at the laptop and clicked send, thankful to have it gone and out of my mind.

“All done, cherry?”

Smiling at the familiar petname, my eyes flickered over towards him. I took in the woollen jumper he wore, as well as his hair which was tousled and unkept, probably from having run his hands through it all day. I was only just able to stop myself from reaching out to tangle my fingers in it, wanting to smooth it over. 

“All done.” I murmured faintly and gifted him a tired smile.

Alex was the type to take something and run with it though, so I wasn’t all that surprised when he grinned right back at me and extended a hand out to cradle my left cheek. I leaned into his warmth for a second, allowing his thumb to brush the skin under my eye, probably from where today’s makeup had just begun to smudge. 

I inhaled after and slowly pulled away. Not paying much mind to the way Alex slumped slightly and instead opting to busy myself with putting away my laptop and clearing up the mess I’d made of the coffee table. 

I did it all quietly, picking up the two mugs of tea I’d made, one empty, the other barely touched from where I’d forgotten about it, whilst Alex watched on. The tele remote was perched on the very edge of the table and so I tossed it over towards him, padding my way into the kitchen.

“Put something on, will you? Think there’s a good film on Channel 5.” I prompted over my shoulder, glancing at him through the tramson window that had been installed shortly after the sink had sprung a leak during last tour and flooded the flat, forcing us to make do whilst the owner had remodelled.

Pressing the power up button, Alex flipped the remote around in his hand a couple of times, he looked deep in thought and so I left him be, choosing to wash up the two mugs as well as the few stray knives and forks which littered the basin. 

I hummed quietly to myself, an old song I could hardly recall the lyrics of, whilst I worked, thinking about the many things I had to get done before the weekend started. 

It was Alex’s voice which startled me from my musings actually. He was so much closer now than he’d been before when he spoke up again, I'd obviously not heard his approach.

“So, tea?” Alex questioned me with a slight furrow between his brows, he’d propped himself up against the kitchen counter about an arms width away.

“God, Al! What are you- a wraith? Don’t sneak up on me like that!” I scolded, having jumped out of my skin. I took a deep breath. “Could’ve had a heart attack or something over the kitchen sink.”

Alex chuckled lowly at me, clearly amused by my reaction, he shook his head. “Make headlines, you- woman dies whilst doing the washing up! Reckon it’ll lead to a riot- start up a petition that’ll change the way we wash dishes forever.”

I rolled my eyes, flicking a few soap duds at him in retaliation which only made him reach out towards me. I tried to evade him but he was too quick, sweeping and wrapping me up in his arms so that I couldn’t proceed to splash him any further.

“You always been this much of a weirdo?” I huffed, not making much of an effort to escape his hold even as I struggled to blow a strand of hair out of my face. 

He hummed, smiling down at me as we begun to sway. “Might’ve been. No getting rid of me now that you’ve finally realised it though.”

I playfully winced in retort, forcing out a loud put-upon sigh. “Should’ve just kept quiet and slipped out once you’d fallen asleep watching the tele.”

Alex narrowed his eyes at me, tugging me in tighter. “As if you would.” He taunted.

I simply smirked in retort and let my damp hands work their way under the soft material of his jumper. I cackled loudly at the way he shivered and jumped away from me like a frightened cat during a thunderstorm.

“Ah, you’re in for it!” Alex declared, his face a right picture.

Quick as I could, I dived to my left so that I could position the kitchen counter between us, bracing myself against it to grin over at him. “Should’ve thought twice about that before telling me what to do, Turner.”

“Minx.” Alex smirked, and then he pounced.

We spent the next however long running about the flat after that. 

He’d somehow been able to grab at me in the hallway but I’d thankfully managed to wrangle my way out of his hold, sprinting into our room to use the bed to my advantage. I rolled over it, putting a dent in the freshly made sheets but using the spare moment to take a couple- much needed- deep breaths whilst Alex waltzed slowly inside. I scowled when the door closed behind him. He flashed me a victorious smile.

“Unfair. I’m at a disadvantage.” I pouted, hoping it would soften him slightly. But when that didn’t work I resorted back to a narrow eyed glare. “Open the door, Alex.”

“I don’t think so, Angel-face. You see, I’ve got you cornered.”

I looked for another escape, Alex only growing nearer, but my only options were limited. I could either goad him and then dart towards the door, or dive out the window. 

Seeing as though I didn’t much fancy breaking my neck, I opted for the former.

“Come on, Al.” I chuckled breathlessly, perching precariously on the edge of the mattress in hopes of lowering his defences a little. “We’ve had fun, but I’m proper knackered now. Call it quits so we can have a cuddle?”

Alex glanced over at me warily, he knew me far too well but appeared to be on the verge of agreement. He slowly made his way over towards the bed, shoulders hunched, still on his guard. 

“Promise?”

I hummed my vague assent, smiling up at him softly.

He paused with squinted eyes, “You’ve gotta verbalise it, love. Don’t count otherwise.”

I tilted my head up at him, feigning confusion. But we both knew I wouldn’t say it unless I really meant it. I kept my word.

That little flaw of mine seemed to trip me up though, and we both realised it at the same time too. So as I manoeuvred my way towards the door- feeling like Kim Possible, might I add- Alex was already in motion, catching me by the hips before I could even surpass the foot of the bed.

“Alex!” I screamed, only growing louder when he threw me over his shoulder and span us around. “Put me down! Now!”

“I fucking knew it!” Alex laughed merrily, bouncing me about the place. I swatted at his back unhappily, starting to feel my stomach in my throat. “Knew you’d try something.”

“Yeah, yeah… proper clever, you. Can you put me fucking down now? Think I’m gonna yosh.”

I could only roll my eyes when he dropped me on my arse, although thankfully it was on the mattress. Huffing, I fought to tame the mess he’d probably made of my hair.

“Twat.”

Alex merely chuckled, leaning in close to tuck a strand of stray hair behind my ear. I smiled when he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Hm, so you say.” I replied, peering up at him from where he towered over me, his hand falling to frame my jaw.

He leant in again, smiling as his lips met mine. “Had to show you who’s boss, didn’t I? Couldn’t let you get away with that.”

I gave an airy titter, pushing him away so that I could pull myself to my feet. “I could’ve had you on your arse the second you strolled in here, was just playing fair.”

He caught my wrist before I could retreat back into the living room, encasing my hand in his. I frowned slightly, looking back at him, mainly confused.

“What’s up?” I questioned him. His brown eyes flickered back and forth between my own, he looked conflicted all of a sudden, it was something you didn’t see on Alex too often which caused my frown to deepen, “Alex?” I prodded.

A small sigh escaped him and his gaze fell towards our joined hands, I let my thumb brush against the back of his own, wanting to reassure him in some way.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” I asked again, stepping closer. My other hand braced his forearm.

Alex’s eyes found mine once more and I didn’t think I had ever seen him this torn up. It threw me a bit, his demeanour had changed so quickly, it was like he’d done a total one-eighty on me.

“Think I should be asking you that question.”

I frowned at Alex’s vague reply.

“What do you mean? I’m fine, Alex. Annoyed that you won, but I’ll get you the next time.” I assured him, chuckling softly at the end. But it didn’t seem to do much.

Alex just shook his head, stepping away towards the window. He dragged a hand across his face, rubbing at his chin whilst he gazed down at the street below. 

“Al…” I tried. “Alex. Will you look at me?”

His eyes fell shut, he squeezed them as though he was trying to sort through a messy array of thoughts, of emotions.

Then he sighed. “I just don’t get you sometimes. One second you’re off with me, hardly even have the time to spare a glance my way. Then the next, we’re as happy as Larry, dancing about the kitchen, play-fighting, laughing.”

I had to look away, down towards my feet as a surge of guilt rippled through me. It wasn’t Alex’s fault that he had no idea about all the thoughts that were raging about inside my head. It wasn’t his fault that I was too scared to just come out with it. To tell him what I so does wanted. To just talk to him. 

None of the blame was on him and yet, I’d still placed it all there.

“I’m sorry.” I said, slumping down onto the edge of the mattress with a sigh. My eyes trailed over to find him staring back, his face gave nothing away. “I’ve been an utter twat. And I’ve been so fucking unfair to you. I- I don’t know, Al. I’ve just been struggling with a lot lately. But it really is nothing that you’ve done.”

Alex released a long breath, thumbing the bridge of his nose before he walked towards the bed, taking a seat beside me. We sat there in silence for a few moments, I could feel my heart hammering in my throat. Because it really was now or never. I either told him or… I got over myself. And nothing would change.

“You say you’ve been struggling.”

I angled my head over towards him upon hearing his words, Alex continued to look onwards though, his hands clasped between his knees.

He looked a lot older in that moment, and it reminded me of just how long we’d been together. I could recall a similar moment we’d shared well over a decade ago now, just before the band’s very first London gig.

Alex had spent weeks torturing himself over it, figuring that they’d be wasting their time playing to an empty room. 

It had been the night before they’d been set to leave when he’d come round mine. It’d been late. Really late, as in only mere hours before the train he’d been expected on was set to depart. 

It had just been the two of us. But that hadn’t ever been an unusual occurrence. We’d sat in silence together for a longwhile on my messy bedsheets- he’d always been the type to struggle with words. Strange for a songwriter, yeah, but unless they were accompanied by a couple chords then Alex could honestly spend a millennia searching for the right ones to use if you’d let him. 

He had spoken up eventually though. Told me what was bugging him. And I’d been the one to try and right every bad thought he’d had. Dull his racing mind. 

I’d always very much doubted his fears, about no one wanting to listen to their music outside of Sheffield. Outside of the safety net we’d grown up in. But Alex was as stubborn as I was, and so we’d spent a lot of late nights arguing about it. We’d always make up for it though come morning. 

And Alex had gone, obviously. I’d been one of the few to see the band off that morning, waving goodbye even as the train blurred and disappeared out of sight. He’d phoned me later that night after the gig, I’d heard his smile, he’d gone on this long rant about how wrong he’d been. Because the pillock had only gone and gotten carried around the venue on a sea of hands, hadn’t he?

This moment didn’t feel quite the same though. Because these fears I’d been facing, well they didn’t threaten anything outside of the four walls we’d carved for ourselves. If I told him how I felt, there was a very big chance that he might not feel the same, want the same. There was a very real chance he could just walk away.

“If it’s been so bad. Why didn’t you just come to me?” Alex asked and his eyes found mine then, that warm brown of his appeared so oddly defeated. So much so, I struggled to find a reply. 

“Just come out with it. Please. ‘Cause all this up and down, and back and forth. I don’t know if I can take much more. It’s been driving me round the bend. I hate reaching out towards you and feeling you pull further away. Kills me. Hate feeling like there’s something standing between us. ‘Cause it’s never been that way. Not with me and you.”

My throat grew tight with tears, but I wouldn’t cry, not now. Not when it was me who had caused all this.

“I know.” I had to take a deep breath to keep them at bay. To hide the strain in my voice. I pivoted so that my knee folded beneath me and I could really see his face. He followed, taking ahold of my hands. “I know, and I am sorry. Truly. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier. That I let it get this bad. That I let you get so torn up. I didn’t even realise.”

Alex pulled me into an embrace, hand holding the back of my neck as I buried my face in his. Because that was the man Alex was, he put me above everything else. Including himself.

“It’s fine, sweetheart.” He hushed, thumb brushing over the top of my spine. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”

I did know that. But still.

“I don’t want to lose you, Alex.”

That probably hadn’t been the best thing to say. Alex all but flung himself back, alarm swimming in his eyes as he levelled me with a long look.

“Lose me? What’s that meant to mean? Why would you lose me?”

A tear fell then, followed by a couple more. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, willing them away, hating the thought of seeing him so distraught.

“Y/n. Love. Please, you’re actually beginning to scare me now. Tell me what’s happened.”

I tried to look away. I didn’t want to do this, not here not now, but his fingers grasped my chin, tugging me back to face him.

A sob spilled from my lips and I crumpled slightly, his hands jumped up to my shoulders, struggling to hold me up.

“What could have you this worked up?” He stressed, shaking me slightly. “Just tell me, because all the fucking things I’ve got racing through my head. I- Put me out of my misery at least. Please.”

It took all the strength I had to peer up at him, eyes red and raw. “I want more, Alex. I want more than just this.”

After I’d said it, I wanted to take all my words back. The hurt that flashed across his face felt like a sharp slap to mine. He started to move, to stand. And I realised he was about to leave.

“Al. Alex.” I called, tried. Clutching at his arm. “Alex, please! Just listen, will you?”

He wasn’t having it. Shaking his head at me as he stormed his way out of the bedroom.

“I can’t believe you’ve just said that.”

It was like a punch to the gut, hearing the upset that lined his voice. His back was to me as I chased after him, I’d ever seen him like this.

“I didn’t mean it! Not like that! Not in the way it sounded.”

“Like fuck you didn’t mean it, Y/n!” Alex shouted, and I caught a glimpse of his face when he went to tug his jacket off the hanger by the front door. 

I could count the times I’d seen Alex cry on one hand. But right then, there were tears in his eyes.

“Alex.” I pleaded with him.

A deathly silence fell between us, I watched his shoulders sag before he turned back around towards me. I wanted nothing more than to hold him again. Take away all his pain, the pain I’d caused.

“If you leave right now, I’ll never forgive you.” I choked out, “Please don’t leave. Please.”

He stared at me. Long and hard.

“Tell me the truth then.”

His voice was nothing but a strained whisper. He looked so tired, arms slumped helplessly by his sides.

I swallowed thickly. Hands fisted against my chest.

Alex scoffed at me then and ran a hand over his face, rubbing at his stinging eyes. He shook his head and went for the latch.

I felt my eyes fall close. It was now or never, I supposed. He was leaving either way.

Stiles took another very focused breath, of which he sucked in and huffed back out almost immediately into his bare knees. The hot breath ghosted against his fine leg hairs and let him focus on something; on anything that wasn't the crushing feeling of panic gripping his throat and lungs at this particular moment. it was never great when he woke up like this. He liked to be able to at least get some food and maybe even a cup of coffee down before it all threatened to come back up because of his unquenchable anxiety. But he hadn't even managed to sit up this morning before the tendrils of doubt had crept in, and now he was sitting folded up like broken chair, in just his plaid boxers and a t-shirt that he'd borrowed from Derek.

And that was it, wasn't it?

He had woken up with only this shirt which was threadbare and had probably been black at some point, but was now just grey and not the abnormally warm man (he would never get used to calling him a werewolf when all he really looked like was a man who had missed a couple evolutionary leaps when he was shifted. Where were his eyebrows?! Those ridges have enough space to house a small army!) in his bed, as he'd been dreaming about.

He reached to his bedside table, sliding his back along the headboard of his bed and grabbed his cell phone. With shaking hands he opened the text app and in a swirl of chipped green fingernail polish had typed out a quick message to the man.

Stiles: Dreamt of you again this morning. It was a good dream.

it delivered like all the others, in a long line of unanswered messages that he had been sending every morning since Derek had left. And just like every other morning, briefly, so briefly that Stiles would try to convince himself it didn't happen, those three little dots would pop up and then disappear almost immediately.

featuring: midoriya izuku x reader

contains: pwp, fingering, clit-pinching, scent kink

summary: the symbol of peace likes to be the symbol of sadism in his own home

warnings: izuku talks over reader (kinda), mentions sub/dom drops, no aftercare (leaves off in the middle of a scene)

“there she is, there she is,” izuku groans.

he inhales sharply, but to sate himself, and while still caressing your nub, he leans forward from his position on his knees, and presses his nose against the sheets.

you watch his pink, pink tongue lave across the puddle of your arousal.

“so sweet for me. hmm. i’ll get a taste soon enough, don’t worry.”

through blurry vision, you can make out his smile. the symbol of peace never looks more sinister, never acts as sadistic, as he does with you behind closed doors. but the symbol of peace holds true to his title, and after every crash, he always brings you back to him.

“you just feel so soft. so hot. you always cum so quick for me, bunny! it’s so cute, and it’s all for me!”

his voice is an octave higher and lower all at once. lilting, carrying an alternate agenda you can never guess correctly. it’s still fun to try, you manage to think. it’s a tone he rarely slips into, except for when he’s swam just as deep as you’ve been submerged.

when the fun began, you thought he seemed too tired to play out a full scene. and yet there you lay, spread eagle across soft silks, izuku pinning you down with one arm while the other heeds his sadistic orders.

“i think you’ve got one more in you, don’t you agree?”

“n-no, no, no—” you chant weakly with failed attempts to squirm away. you’re nerves are screaming with white, hot pleasure, consuming your thoughts and seizing your actions. you’re surely contorted and contracted against your bed, but all you can perceive are his ministrations— steady, steady, steady, against your center.

“i wasn’t talking to you,” he hisses, his eyes narrowing.

“can’t trust a single thing you say when you’re like this. hah—!”

you cry out. he shifts his hold on you, spreading you open before he pinched on your clit.

“i was talking to her. my sweet girl.”

you blink your eyes open. it hurts, but the pain grants you back your sense of sight for just a moment.

“not shy at all is she? certainly not a liar either, hmm?”

“izuku, no, no, i’m not aaaaah—!”

his lips run over your clit, tongue ghosting down across the rest of you.

“look at how pretty she is for me. pink and pretty and nice n’ swollen. she’s perfect.”

you sigh with content as you feel your brain blissfully break. somewhere in your conscious mind, you feel safe. you can hear him speak to you through the fog of your thoughts, an apparition you hold on to as your physical body starts to brace.

you’re perfect.

“you can handle one more, can’t you, my sweet?” he whispers right against you.

you feel yourself clench on nothing, a soft residual of your orgasm gushing forth. with his free hand, izuku smears it back and forth over you as it leaks and leaks out.

She couldn't breathe, for the second time in a week; and this time there was no injury causing it.

No stab wound in her side, no blood running down her ribs and soaking her shirt, but it hurt, it hurt like there was. A tightening in her abdomen, her chest, her throat locking up, her heart racing and breath speeding up in ways that it hadn't since she was a child, huddled on her bunk punching and punching and punching the pillow because it was the only thing that made it stop, that made her chest let go, made the shaking stop, aside from screaming- which she did sometimes, too, face pressed into a pillow. Sometimes Vander would find her like that, would pile her into his arms and hold her, whisper just breathe, kid, it's okay, that's it, you're doing good. You're doin' real good. I've got you. But there was no Vander any more. There was no one to take her in arms that were so big, too big, and powerful, no one to whisper praise and reassurance, to murmur no one here but us chickens, pup, it's okay, you're safe, let it go. There was no Vander, no Powder, no Mylo and Claggor, no Ekko, no Caitlyn. No one. And it hurt twice as much as it had before because for a minute, just a minute, she'd thought maybe she could fix things. She could help, and heal. She could make things right, she could- she could let herself rest. She could let herself... she could let someone... But no. No. She couldn't. She was a force of destruction, nothing but pain and trouble and death for anyone who dared get close to her. Vi for Violence. Vi for Vicious. If it had ever stood for anything else, it didn't matter anymore. Her chest hurt. It hurt, and it was so tight, and she was breathing in short, sharp gasps, vision blurring at the edges, hands and fingers numb. She needed to sit. She needed to- -her knees failed her and she sank to the curb, face pressed into her legs, arms wrapped around them. Stupid.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, to have ever thought she could have something as good and pure and beautiful as Caitlyn after what she'd done. After what she'd caused.

Stupid to think someone like Caitlyn, someone poised and rich, beautiful and smart and strong, could ever- would ever- have a future with someone like her.