#shiznits

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:) :) :)

i dont wanna go out with my family UGH but even if i do stay home i just waste time

hhhHHHH WHAT DO I DO HOW DO I PREP TO CELEBRATE WHHHH

when ppl rant to me and feel bad i say sht like, hey dont compare urself to others!! theyre different from u. u shouldnt compare ur growth w theirs

AGH guess wtf im doing now!!!!!!!

PEOPLE HAVE JSEC CHALLENGE. SOME PPL HAVE THAT. AND THEY CAN STILL MANAGE. WHY CANT I

WHY CANT I WHY CANT I WHY CANT I

.........i feel rly bad

if anyone’s reading and concerned, it will pass

besides, nothing will rly help anyway :( only i can help me that sht that sht 

im so fucked up im INSANELY fucked up

i left my notebook (w/ all my notes!!!) in pampanga

i forget that ive borrowed shit from people (i borrowed a calculator from someone. im positive its in the house but ewan)

sometimes i think im being self-destructive on purpose, to prove to ppl na “YO im not all that.” THIS IS STUPID THO IM STUPID : )

im so STRESSED but i bring the stress to myself

i have an internal locus of control ISH in the sense na... i kno everything is my fault and my responsibility and i can change it???

but why cant i :----------) 

correction: why dont i :-----------)

im done idk how im gon perform well in everything

people have so many opportunities ewan there was a mckinsey weekend pala

ewan KO NA what the fuck am i doing w my life

i dont even have a fucking internship yet

fucking fuck me

sometimes i feel like!!!!! i might have smth. i might be sick. but then im like NAH UR JUST BEING A SHT KAI U CAN CHANGE IT. DONT COMPARE URSELF TO PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY SICK UR JUST fucKING EXCUSING URSELF

i just had a convo w a friend recently and she was like “yk hating on urself doesnt do anything” and i know that UGH i kno the sht i should and shouldnt do on a logical level. but i dont do it!!!!!!!! fuck it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im such a pc of sht jesus christ!!!!!!!!!

when i get faced w a problem my instinct is to panic AND SHT and UGH WTF FUCKING HELL 

i can be positive i swear i can look forward to shit i can be motivated but the ultimate breakdown point has been nearing. ive almost reached it. but i try to hold back. fuCK IT FUCK ME i just wanna punch smth and throw sht at the wall AND BREAK THINGS break myself IDEK it wont even DO ANYTHING

after years of young me being passive af and not being angry here i am!!!!!!!! i cant. ayOKO NA wtf

i legit dunno how im gon survive i dont even get to practice anymore. fuck im such a shitty person

so im here

I FEEL SO FUCKING INCOMPETENT IN EVERYTHING I DO : )

sometimes it gets better, but i keep going back to the rut

this is crazy like other ppl believe in me or smth

but i cant??? why cant i