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not really an idea but i figured you might get a kick out of it;
sometimes when sleep deprived i update my homebrew item lists. i woke up the other day with a new entry: item drop, rare, 1d4 middle aged humans named maxwell
Sounds like you need Maxwell House: the coffee to help with the sleep deprivation and the can as a convenient place to keep these dudes
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Campaign Concept
Make up for your inability to do distinct character voices by canonically making every NPC the same person.
Traveling Salesman Of Death
A magic horn that calls a travelling salesman to the party. (For High Movement Campaigns). Use a d20 or d100, the higher the roll, the rarer the items you can buy and trade. However! When the horn calls the salesman, You must make a DEX save to dodge the incoming cart. On a failed save, roll d6's equal to the horn roll for damage. So, you can call the salesman at a higher roll and hope you can dodge or take the damage.
NPC Concept:
An NPC that follows the party, progressively losing more and more clothing until they're almost naked. They don't intentionally lose the clothing, it just sorta happens.
Shitty Item Creators:
Many in the realm have wondered where the influx of terrible magic items and weapons originated from: some disgruntled enchanter, bent on causing chaos, or merely an incompetent artificier with no grasp on their craft? Here is a list of some of the offenders:
Jebediah the Well-intentioned: a none-too-bright wizard with only the best of intentions, though his creations often fall short of the mark. Known for his line of faulty monster-hunting weapons.
Melisandre the Malignant: a young witch frustrated by her constant thwarting at the hand of adventuring groups, Melisandre decided to try to limit the capabilities of heroes by flooding dungeons with crappy and potentially dangerous equipment and potions.
The Unfortunate Storb: a man as well known for his love of his cat as for his lack of skill in brewing potions, Storb has been quiet in recent years. There is a rumour that a laboratory mishap resulted in the switching his mind with that of his cat Bernard.
Bartimaeus the Baffled: the one who started it all. Bartimaeus was an incompetent artificer who deluded himself about his level of skill. In an effort to make money he created Magic Bart's Correspondence Course of Enchantment, the disastrous teaching program whose result was the high number of shoddy spellcasters and artificers that populate the world.
"Loopy" Lorelai Barrow: the most recent graduate of Magic Bart's Correspondence Course, Lorelai is a young wizard of great enthusiasm for creating useful items. She doesn't understand why her creations keep going wrong, but is determined not to let failure stop her. She is convinced that she'll get the knack if she just keeps practicing.
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NPC Concept:
A trickster that follows the party everywhere, stealing their weapons/personal items and selling them back to the party later, interacting with them while disguised, leading them to traps and dungeons, etcetera. The reason for this complex charade: sheer boredom.
NPC Concept:
A villager who falls for one party member (or all of them, fuck it) and constantly follows them around or goes on ahead of them, deliberately getting into situations they need to be rescued from.
NPC Concept:
An NPC who thinks they died and became a ghost after a run-in with the party and decides to haunt them, but they're not dead... So it's just a random person traveling with the party and like, rattling pots and pans at night and moving players' personal belongings
