#shitshi

look at us go, TUMBLEing around like chicken fried fucks -snrrk-

(Semi-AU-ish starter for Shitshi)

The lock-screen featured an ugly flat-faced sad-eyed little dog that Anko recognized as one of Kakashi's ninken, looking mournfully up at the camera with the most put-upon, guilt-inducing expression she'd ever seen on an animal. That meant the phone she'd found was probably Kakashi's, too; she couldn't imagine who else would own such a photo let alone use it for wallpaper. And if it was Kakashi's...

She pulled up the unlock code entry screen and, on a whim, punched in the numeric conversion of I-C-H-A.

She didn't expect it to actually work.

"Kakashi, you dumbass," she muttered, grinning; he really should know better than to be so predictible with his passcode but since he apparently didn't, she was kind of obligated to snoop--see if there was anything on the phone that she could embarrass him with, really drive the lesson home so he'd improve his electronic safeguards in the future. Cell phones were relatively new to Konoha but that was no excuse for sloppy security.

She didn't find much of interest--more photos of his dogs, a few of his team and a couple that looked like they'd been taken at that festival last month; his calendar was empty (which may not have explained his habitual tardiness but certainly did nothing to downplay it) and his contacts were pretty much what she would have expected. "Ch'. Waste of time," she sighed, sure by now that there was no dirt to be had on Kakashi's phone but pulling up his texting history just in case.

She was scrolling through a thread with Genma when her own name caught her eye. She slowed down, reading instead of skimming, and her eyes widened. "Jackpot," she breathed, a slow grin spreading over her face.

A few minutes and some very enlightening text threads later, she caught sight of Kakashi heading back across the park in her direction and flagged him down.

A gnome!  I did not know your kind existed outside of folktales!  It is a pleasure to meet you!

Though you give me a difficult choice.

Hm.

I believe I will have to marry Kakashi.  I do not think either Iruka or Yamato would be all that interested in spending their lives with me (or I with them).  Kakashi, at least, is used to me by now!  We could spend our married lives challenging each other!

As for the next part of the question… Yamato is already probably mostly dead in the manga, so…  I mean.

They are both worthy ninja.  If I kill Yamato, the village loses probably the last living Mokuton user and an elite ANBU.  If I kill Iruka, countless young academy students lose their precious sensei, and countless more will never have a chance to learn from him.

For the village, I am not sure who would be a greater loss: a powerful soldier, or a new generation of ninja.  Though there are other teachers, and other soldiers, but there is no telling who or what could turn the tide of a future battle.

So I will have to consider their other assets and the …other part of this question!  They are also both very attractive! Yamato has nice eyes and Iruka, a nice smile.  Both are loyal, friendly, and fit—

…Kakashi!  You know them both better than I do!  Who would be a better candidate for…

[Text] Kakashi...that worries me.