Don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation

Alright TJ, just know you asked for this. 

- It’s been universally accepted across all timelines, verses, whatever, that Anko has a daughter first. It’s her greatest fear and greatest joy to have a daughter. She has the faulty perception that raising a daughter right will prove to the world that she isn’t as broken or fucked up as they thought. And it’s also a jab at her parents, who in canon verse abandon her after she returns from Orochimaru. 

- She loves it. She is terrified, nervous that she will ruin everything on day one, but she is excited, and every moment is one she loves. Oh, she bitches endlessly about early morning diaper changes and feeding and loud crying and all the awful things babies do, but the truth is that to Anko this is very selfishly something she wants and needs: something to depend on her, and something she can be good for.

- She adores her brats. Wants to kick them sometimes. Is a particularly sassy parent, and not the empathetic parent, but seeing as she was such a problem person herself she sees (in theory) past immediate issues to the potential they have. In reality, she wants to smack her kids sometimes. They’re too much like her.

- I think… assuming the father is in the picture, they relate to him more, because Anko is loving in a bullying sort of way. Even to her kids. But it is love, and she is soft to them when she can be, and over the years she is more open to them and more receptive. 

- Possible dads: Tenzo, duh. They find that one out and there’s a beat of silence before Iruka chips in, “Well, I’ll go get the coat hanger.” If Iruka’s the dad? That would be the most loving environment, raised by two people without families themselves, and there would probably be a mix of Iruka’s overbearing empathy and attempts to drive the kid down the right path and Anko’s ‘let the fucker do what they want’ attitude. 

- In an AU with Itachi, Anko eventually moves to the Uchiha compound, despite the fact she is initially very against the idea. They help take care of the kids, and she doesn’t have to give up her role as a kunoichi. And to no ones surprise, Itachi loves being a parent.

- With Shisui, he has a falling out with the Uchiha, and part of it concerns the notion that an Uchiha child needs to be raised by the clan when Anko won’t have any of it. They all end up having her last name, and they learn about their Sharingan’s through Shisui and Itachi. 

- There’s a sweet little RP there somewhere about Anko’s daughter awakening her sharingan on a mission and coming home, and Anko sending a note to dad being like, ‘Oi, Uchiha. Get your butt home.’ Shisui comes home and asks, ‘I heard my favorite girl has something to tell me?’ It’s awful and sweet, because Shisui has never wanted his kids to have the Sharingan, and there is this passive thought from their daughter that it’s a bad thing she has it, until Shisui corrects her. It’s not bad, it’s just sad, because it means daddy couldn’t protect her.

- It’s a very peace-time thought. Anko and Shisui both know the lack of practicality that comes with it. But still, this is their daughter, and it’s not a bad thing to want to keep them from pain, even if it is unrealistic. 

- tldr; Anko is the snarkiest, crudest mom on the block, but she’s also the mom who you can come to for things like… first kisses and first crushes and making bad decisions and she’ll call you an idiot but she’ll take care of you, and she won’t judge you, because goddamn she did some stupid shit as a kid. And sometimes this is a bad thing, because she thinks people need to go and experience life themselves, but sometimes it is a very good thing too.

[txt:] …Okay. Okay, you’re apparently legit

And then, because she had never in her life known when to leave well enough alone:

Except Shino had clearly already figured it out, at least in part. And he didn't exactly deserve the sullen bitchy treatment she was giving him, not when he'd acted out of friendship and concern and probably saved her worthless hide while he was at it.

[txt:] …Okay. Okay, you’re apparently legit

And then, because she had never in her life known when to leave well enough alone:

“I do not understand.” Clearly, she didn’t know him well if she thought he would poke fun at her. He wasn’t one to poke fun at others in times like this. She was ill, therefore it was not time to tease her even if he wished to, and he didn’t. 

And oh, hey, there was her old friend anger too.  She hated that she was so damn relieved, hated that she hadn't managed to control the fear this time around.  She was angry that she'd let herself get into this situation in the first place and maybe most of all, she was angry that she was just too tired to get properly indignant that Shino had been there to witness the whole damn thing and find her out.

[txt:] My buddy’s new number is one off from Tony fuckin Stark?  Suuure.  Wait’ll I tell ‘im he’ll be stoked

[txt:] also no. no imminent death here i solemnly swear. sorry again

[text:] One who is also a billionaire.

[txt:] My buddy’s new number is one off from Tony fuckin Stark?  Suuure.  Wait’ll I tell ‘im he’ll be stoked

[txt:] also no. no imminent death here i solemnly swear. sorry again

She froze when she saw the IV taped to the back of her hand, and then cold panic dumped abruptly into the pit of her stomach.

She sucked in a sharp breath, scrambling for the control techniques she’d used for years now to manage the phobia so no one would find out.  Breathe.  BREATHE. Don’t look, don’t look don’t look—  She jerked her gaze back to the window, tucked her hand back out of view but she could still feel it, the sting of the little plastic tube inside her vein and all those half-buried memories were trying to rise again; the fever and the toxin on top of the adrenaline dump made it hard to get her head in quite the right space to calm the fuck down and the urge to tear the thing out and fling it across the room was almost overwhelming.

He moved over to her, gently placing a hand on the hand that didn’t have an iv. Physical touch made people more comfortable, right? “It is okay, Anko. You are safe here. It is just a saline drip.” He assumed that the iv was the thing that was bothering her, given that she had attempted to flex the hand before this sudden bout of panic. Still, she didn’t need the iv at the moment. It was more a precaution since she had endangered herself by fleeing. 

She froze when she saw the IV taped to the back of her hand, and then cold panic dumped abruptly into the pit of her stomach.

She sucked in a sharp breath, scrambling for the control techniques she'd used for years now to manage the phobia so no one would find out.  Breathe.  BREATHE. Don't look, don't look don't look---  She jerked her gaze back to the window, tucked her hand back out of view but she could still feel it, the sting of the little plastic tube inside her vein and all those half-buried memories were trying to rise again; the fever and the toxin on top of the adrenaline dump made it hard to get her head in quite the right space to calm the fuck down and the urge to tear the thing out and fling it across the room was almost overwhelming.

Hospital.  She was back in the hospital.  And her head hurt.  Hadn’t she left here?  Or was that a dream–oh, no, probably not, because there was Shino sitting in the guest chair, standing guard.  Sitting guard?  Whatever.  If he was here, then she probably hadn’t imagined the whole thing with the bugs and the paralysis.

She’d get him back for that.  Somehow.  And later.  Because she really did feel like crap, she was starting to realize.  Achy and hot, and cold, kind of both, groggy and more than a little out of it.

Was he sleeping?  Staring at her?  Hard to tell when she couldn’t see his eyes.  One way to find out, really.

“Hey,” she croaked–croaked?  Ugh.  Water.  Water would be good.  Assuming she wasn’t still paralyzed, even.  She hadn’t exactly tried moving yet.

He moved to her as soon as she spoke, meaning that he was both awake and paying attention to her. Why wouldn’t he? She was his friend, and he was trying to care for her. Or at least, watch over her while she was cared for my people who knew how to care for her.