#shit driving

Okay, so my aunt is training me to drive to get my driver's licence next april. Bitchin' right? WRONG. she wants me ready soonish, so she's been kinda nudging me along to hurry up and come out of my little 'comfort zone' and stuff. (her words, not mine) we live on the outskirts of town (out in the country, really) but our house is right on a fucking highway. I've only driven 3 times before, but tonight, my dear aunt decided i was ready for a little nighttime drive. fml. we were coming back from the store when she turned off into walton's loop and let me take the wheel. fuck fuck fuck. walton's loop is an oldish road with very little to no traffic (one of the reasons my aunt chose that road) and a lotta twists and turns and no markings. yeah, no paint, lotta indistinguishable turn offs and driveways and very few signs. awesome, right? i anally refused to remove my eyes from the street. (my aunt was like 'you need experience with lights in your face') fortunately, i met very little traffic on the way, and it was going pretty good so far. i kept a slow steady speed of 15ish to 20ish (she kept mocking me, 'we're just creeeepin' aloooong- shut up, so i'm a little caution, sue me- "speaking of which, in case i hit something, we do have insurance, right?

...

...right?")

i made sure to pay extra attention to the road, but that's where it got a little tricky. it was darker than satan's asshole and there were no streetlights or street paint whatsoever. i turned the highbeams on, but that only made the shadows darker. just fuckin great. i couldn't see shit, so i had to go extra slow ('just creeeeepin'- stfu) and try to figure out where the hell the road was gonna go cause i couldn't tell if it was a driveway or the road or just the fucking yard. i was rounding one the bends when i saw this little shape move across the street and i just stomped on the brakes. a little fucking chihuahua- a post-natal dog, from the look of her swollen breasts- a little fuckin momma chihuahua just crossed the fuckin road in front of me. (my aunt was like 'what are you-' *sees dog* 'oh, good job, Sarah'- yes, i'm doing a good fuckin job, you fuckin psycho) jesus fucking christ, that is second time a dog has crossed the street right in front of me (and in pretty much the same section of street right there) so i mentally give myself a pat on the back for saving a little momma dog's live and shakily pushed the car back into a steady 15-16 mph. the rest was easy after that. my aunt critiqued my tendency to go slow up a hill and then let momentum carry me down- and my slowness. 'honestly, I could go faster' (she's 64) when we got to the end of the loop, i stopped at the side of the road, switched the highbeams off, and unbuckled myself, preparing to switch over, when she asked if i wanted to just drive the rest of the way home. the speed limit on the highway is 35-40? but people always go about 45-50. but i was feeling pretty good about myself, so i was like 'what the hell' and put the truck back in gear and pulled up to the stop sign. our house is between the two ends of walton's loop, and i needed to turn right to get home.

guess which way i went?

not the right fucking way.

('Sarah, you're going the wrong way-' "i know i know") 

"is there someplace i can turn around? maybe a big parking lot?" (she laughs) 'just pull into a driveway or something and we'll switch- there's a street right there, slow down. right here, right here!' but i was like, no i got this, and pulled onto the street ('you forgot your turn signal') and made a u-turn, using two driveways and both of their yards. ('what are you doing, you're tearing up people's lawns, and out here, you never know, someone might come out with a shotgun-') whatever. so i turn around and head home, going a little faster than i was comfortable with, since it is a highway. but all of those fuckers had their fuckin highbeams on. ("i see what you mean with experience with lights in your face" 'i know right, it's like you go blind for a minute') 'okay slow down, now- no, don't stop, slow down. okay, sto- you just passed- i had to make a hard left, and made it, but wasn't prepared to turn the wheel back and made an S shape all over the fucking driveway. phew. hard part's over, right? i wish. at the end of our driveway, we have to make a 90 degree angle to park in this little space in front of our house, and there was approximately a 10 foot space in between my uncle's car and my car (it isn't running) so i made a wide swerve ('right into the bushes, just like me') and turned the wheel as far left as i could get it, slowly inching forward- 'wait, you're gonna hit your car, stop stop-'

                                                                                                                             ...

  'son of a bitch, i can't believe you made that'

i think i must have missed my car by an inch, but fortunately, i had the presence of mind to turn the steering wheel around to avoid hitting my uncle's car. i stepped on the brake, put the truck in park, shut it off, and just kind sat there in a stunned silence. then we both burst out laughing and fist bumped while she congratulated me. 'good job, Sarah, i knew you could do it-' *dinging noise* 'you hear that?' "yes" 'you need to turn your lights off'

...

"...how do i do that again?"

 '...you see that switch there?' "no" 'behind the signal stick- here' *turns ceiling lights on* 'okay, now- "why are the ceiling lights green?" 'i don't know- now turn lights off' "what do i turn the dial to?" '...come on, Sarah, this isn't rocket science'