he had no right to judge. right?

"didn't know what?" he snaps right back, gruff and rough in a form of anger that was all too well to spot immediately. "that they were gonna throw me right back into the ice?"

of course he doesn't understand that you had no idea that he still was put to sleep.

if it weren't for maeve throwing herself out the window with him, they wouldn't have suceeded to put him back to sleep, but even then, if there was any time to be relieved that he could've possibly survived — which you were secretly hoping for — it was immediately crushed by the fact that he was presumed dead, as was maeve.

not even you were allowed to know that maeve survived the attack, thanks to ashley cutting the footage to give maeve a fighting chance at a normal life, despite how close you may have been to her.

so... how could you have known that he had survived and had been secretly put back to sleep by grace, ryan's previous caretaker?

of course butcher hadn't thought to keep you in the loop, as he didn't with the others.

not like you had an interestingly enough close connection to the guy or anything!

and the fact that ben is acting like you had anything more to do with it tham that only seems to make you more fucking frustrated.

"i'm not lying, ben!" you snap again, this time your voice shaking a little with unsaid emotions. "i didn't know, i didn't even know that maeve was still alive — i thought you both died in that fall!"

he scoffs dryly at that because of course he doesn't believe you. why would he, though?

i mean, really. the guy's got his issues, so it's not really that surprising. and homelander definitely knows how to get inside of his head.

he's already fallen for this idea of you being the villain because of his bruised ego.

despite the fact that you could treat him the way the others have, with him not being the greatest person in the world, you wanted to do it differently.

even now, you find your anger dimming down while trying to take a breath and calm down. getting frustrated and starting an argument doesn't help anyone.

"how are you here, ben?" you ask after taking another breath, planting your hands on the countertop as you lean against it to stay leaning against something right now. "i really don't know how you're here right now."

"enough with the games, sweetheart," he snaps as he takes a step forward, glaring down at you with clear frustration and something akin to being conflicted. "i know you know that they put me back to sleep. stop lyin' to me."

you stutter at that in mere disbelief. "what?"

he's surprised by your level of skill to lie so well, considering he refuses to believe otherwise.

"just tell me the truth, doll," he starts gruffly, attempting to steel himself and his anger. "did you know what homelander was planning? to use me for his bullshit mission to find that bastard, butcher and the rest of your goddamn team?"

that's what angered you, while finding out the truth.

you'd just now put all of the pieces together — that grace had something to do with putting back on ice — but now everything comes together as you realize that homelander is the one who woke him. which would make sense, considering his just as bloodthirsty need for revenge against butcher.

it all made sense now. homelander wanted to use soldier boy to track the others down and most likely kill them all.

that's not good at all.

"you really think i have something to do with that?"

it hurts seeing the look on his face, the stony one, like he really does believe it, like he has no faith in you anymore.

ben can't deny, though, your hurt expression does make something inside of him ache at seeing how upset it makes you that he doesn't believe you.

ben, however, as always, doesn't show how he feels in this moment, still with the stony look in his eyes and on his face.

"answer the goddamn question, princess."

his voice tells you that he really isn't playing games and doesn't have any patience right now.

and the only reason he's attempting to be patient is because of that damn soft spot he has for you, still unable to deny the unspoken connection you once had.

"no." you finally snap, having enough of his accusations. "i didn't know about it. i didn't have anything to do with it."

"i wish i could believe ya, doll." is all he says, gruff, but full of plenty of anger still in his voice.

it's not all that surprising, though, since he's had plenty of time to stew over his anger about the betrayal.

because though it hit him hard to have butcher change his mind about him, it was even more hurtful to him that you had something to do with him getting put back to sleep, even if you hadn't known right away.