#shey

I woke up in the morning, feeling disappointed. I wanted to enter the void being conscious, when I plan it, not by accident. But it was looking like a joke - I was affirming, I was thinking, I was doing SATS. And got the opposite. And I woke up with fear, depression and thoughts "what if the void is not real". So, if you ever had/have something alike, let's talk. Probably, what I am going to say will help you. At least, it always helps me, when I talk about my stuff. And if you read this, then this post is a part of your reality and you are supposed to see this.

Anyway..

I was reading Edward Art before sleep. That was okay. Not too much to think about. But yes, in the morning I felt horrible. I was thinking about this and that.. "why the void doesn't want to happen, considering how much I need it" (not quoting, more like using sarcasm here).

So first - these things are normal. Doubt is normal, fear is normal, all this is fine. You can feel all this, no worries. But when I say normal, it means "no need to think something is wrong with you". BUT! - it doesn't mean "I am scared, I am in panic mode, but I cannot do anything about it". Sorry, but bullshit. I love how Edward Art said about it - it lives within you, so you can deal with it. I agree here. Because I've tried. And it worked.

Second, for me awareness is when you understand who you are. When you understand how the world works. When you quit hiding behind "aaaaah, I cannot, I did it several times and nothing works". Well, fuck, too bad, it means you don't want your stuff so much. I suppose, there is a moment "so bad, so I cannot proceed", when you have nothing to lose, if you believe in everything. Like "give up, but give in" (maybe hard to understand, let me know). Yep. there can be this whiny voice in your head "I am sure this is not real, we tried and it didn't work, if that was real, everyone would have it, or we would have it, I cannot believe because if I believe and it isn't real, I would lose my last hope" and etc.

These are just excuses. Most likely, previously they worked, so your mind/whatever tries to pull it again and again. It knows you well. it can threaten you with a lot of shit. The trust is - it cannot do anything and you HAVE to disobey, to find it, the real you.

The hard think to understand (and until you fully accept, most likely you won't be able to manifest/enter the void/whatever. If you entered already and saying "I did it with shitty beliefs or I listened 1 mln subs everyday or something alike" - cool, very happy for you, you don't have to read it or agree with anything. Until recently, when I felt the moment almost "the worst" and still was struggling to believe with that bitchy voice who pretend to be "my best friend", I thought I can just slip it. Nope. In the most situations, you need to wake up and understand who you are, maybe even through repetition or sometimes using force.

i didn't believe too about all this bullshit "all life comes from you, bla-bla". I was thinking "no way I could think or do something against myself, or think badly. But if you think the same, then you were fooled. Everything comes from your mind, all your thoughts become movements and then reality. Today you think you cannot manifest something and then you are surprised you actually CANNOT do it.

Nah, don't try to trick me with this "but I was doing challenges! I was thinking about the best outcomes! I feel differently now".

Think about it. If you really connected with your desire, then you:

know it happens, but you don't care when and how. You fulfill yourself with only your imagination (tell me if you don't understand it).

don't ask anyone for advice or ask questions if something is possible (if you do, then you don't know who you are and how it works).

don't follow methods to get something, which means the same thing as the previous point. Just affirm once, imagine it is done and forget about it. You CAN do it again, just to enjoy, feel how it feels (lol), but you don't think about anything else ("oh, I will do it and I will get everything" - the void thing is the same story").

don't follow someone's advice or obey their teaching (obviously, you need to set your own rules, OR you have to believe fully everything will work properly).

look at world calmly, without annoyance or irritation.

The most important part is that I understood how everything happens because of me, of my thoughts. If I cannot do this - it is because I was thinking shit. If I cannot enter, it means I was sure I cannot. Look at your reality and you will understand where you need to put your power.

Each your thought is manifesting. When you say in comments you cannot do something - your manifesting worked out, now you cannot do it. I assume you've heard it several thousand times (but still use the same words, lol I know because I did - each time when someone enters, I was about to write a question "how to do it because I cannot").

So, start with observing. Your awareness is your focus. Where you put your focus and what you are looking at through the focus - everything becomes your reality. Start watching what you say and what you think. Especially your feelings - if you feel bad/something like that, it means you were thinking/remembering shit. You can change your thoughts and memories (oh, yes, memories/revision is a big topic too, don't want to make it any bigger here). Just put it in your awar.. err, okay. I will explain easier. Imagine you hold a flashlight. You move it and you see something really awful. Cool, now it is real, it turned to life. Everything that gets trapped by your beam, becomes real. Simple.

How to deal with that?.. I know my whiny thoughts pretty well, the things they are connected to, like.. let's say triggers. So, when something contradicting comes, I stay calm and remind who I am. Everything comes from me, so I can set it how I like. The worst is when you set something and immediately you wait for it to become true, like waiting for your desire in physical. The best is to imagine fulfillment of your desire in your mind. No matter what happens, imagine the best outcome and move FROM it (what you are going to do now, when you have what you want?). You need to satisfy yourself fully, to feel enjoyment and fulfilled.

Even if nothing happens after that (in the next second/minute/hour/day), don't think about it in a way "waaaa, my desire isn't here, all is bullshit". Your flashlight works 24/7 and you live in this moment. As soon as you say "it is not true/ I don't have it".. you know what happens.

Pierwszy łyk – jego spojrzenie. Głębia czarnych tęczówek, która niemal elektryzowała. Pochłaniała z każdą sekundą wpatrywania się w te czarne niczym węgiel, puste, ale i przy tym emanujące tajemniczym blaskiem oczy.

Drugi łyk - jego dotyk. Pachnąca i twarda skóra na moim ciele. Wystarczyło, by dotknął mnie opuszkami palców, a dreszcz ekscytacji przebiegał po moim rdzeniu, wyginając moje nerwy w konwulsjach przyjemności.

Trzeci łyk – jego zapach. Oszałamiająca mieszanka dobrej wody kolońskiej, dymu z często palonych papierosów i mięty od tych cholernych gum, które tak często żuł.

Czwarty łyk – jego głos. Zachrypnięty i głęboki bas, powodujący ciarki na moim ciele. Potrafił modulować nim w zaskakująco dobry sposób. Bo w jednej sekundzie był w stanie z przerażająco zimnego tonu przejść do rozbawionego i lekko ironicznego głosu.

Piąty łyk - on. On cały. W każdym calu taki wyniosły, ironiczny, kapryśny. Bipolarny i tajemniczy, ale przy tym przesadnie pewny swego. Nie grał, bo wiedział, że i tak wygra. I wygrywał. Wygrywał wszystko, podczas gdy ja przegrywałam egzystencję.

Szósty łyk – pusty kubek. Wódka się skończyła

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how it feels to post something nobody except for like one person gets