We heal. The body does not ask for permission. It heals, in spite of your refusal to participate. In spite of how hard you kick against it. Even when healing is losing, it dives headlong without apology or remorse. Through every heart ache. Every loss, all the grief that could crush you if you lay too still beneath it. Every time you thought you’d just die on the hardwood of your ex’s bedroom floor. Or wanted to. Begged for it like a prayer. The wounds, accidental, self inflicted, purposeful, in us, outside us and around us. The body heals. I have healed through falls and impossible broken bones. A nose dive off a bike, a shattered elbow, the final triumphant backflip when I broke my ass on the edge of my parents dilapidated couch. The fingers, crushed in the door handle off a car while it flipped and slid down a hill, ripping my eyelid and faith in my mother with it. It didn’t care that it would take me 20 years to ever drive again. That I still hear the crunch of my face against the glass. I hardly have a scar to prove it. It heals, impossibly, after every birth and death of each of my 5 children. 3 here and 2 never meant to be anything more than a whisper. It healed after my best friend put a bullet in his head, and 6 overdose deaths in a single 6 month period. More ex lovers in the afterlife than on earth. Meningitis, shit genetics, a rough and tumble life. A tomboy dirt eating, skateboarding brawler born with the face of a mother long dead to remind my father that he too, can heal. So, I will heal… yes, I’m healing… under the watchful eye of an Oracle daughter, and the gentle unyielding hands of a healing partner, and the unforgiving giggles of two lost boys who need their mother. Still need her body and her kisses and her rocking arms to find hidden peace in the dark. I heal. I have healed, I will heal again. The time has been borrowed or leant. I’m not sure which, only that I am keenly aware of how close I’ve touched the hem of his sweeping black garment in my sleep. But either way it’s mine now, crow. And I’m not done yet. #shesbackbitches https://www.instagram.com/p/CSYBZAKD7En/?utm_medium=tumblr
