#shay's stuff

Lan Xichen shot upright in bed, his chest rising rapidly with shallow breaths that barely provided enough air. He raised a hand to clutch at the front of his sleeping robes; his hand shook uncontrollably and the hold he had on the soft cloth barely helped steady it. He still felt like he would fly apart at the emotions swirling around inside him and he raised his left arm to sink his teeth into it and try to stifle the surfeit of feelings. He tasted the metallic tang of his own blood, and it sent a visceral shock through his body at the parallels between his dream and reality.

And he couldn’t accept this as his reality for a second longer; if he kept dreaming these dreams he would go mad.

He leapt from his bed, barely pausing to pull on an under robe over his sleeping robe.

Lan Xichen had retreated into solitary seclusion many months ago; truth be told he wasn’t even sure how long ago it had been, yet now he left the Hanshi for the first time in that period like his demons chased hot on his heels.

And who was to say they didn’t?

The sky was barely starting to streak with dawn’s rays as he rushed through the paths of the Cloud Recesses to the Jingshi where his brother would just be waking up beside his husband, and if anyone had seen the previously elegant, jade-like Zewu-jun tearing through the pre-dawn light, hair dishevelled and loose, headband crooked, half-dressed and barefoot, they might have assumed they’d seen a ghost. Or a madman.

He paused and knocked urgently on the doorway of the Jingshi.

“Wangji, I’m sorry to disturb you both so early” he said through the door, negating his words with another knock.

The door slid open and Lan Wangji stood on the other side, a faint look of surprise on his passive face.

“Xiongzhang-” any greeting he would have made was brushed aside as Lan Xichen rudely pushed past him and into the Jingshi.

Wei Wuxian had obviously only just woken up at the racket Lan Xichen had caused and was sat on the side of the bed, scratching at his head sleepily. “Wei Wuxian, I need the help of the Yiling Laozu. I beg you”

Wei Wuxian leapt up with a distressed noise as Lan Xichen fell to his knees and prostrated himself.

***

Lan Xichen was around fourteen the year they had first met. He had accompanied his Shufu to the Unclean Realm for a discussion conference that summer. As his father’s heir Lan Qiren had wanted him to begin to learn how to take on the mantle of a sect leader and so he had travelled to Qinghe.

They were greeted at the gates and escorted to their accommodations, passing by a group of practising Nie sect disciples, one of whom stood at the front seeming to lead the sword forms. He was tall, broad-shouldered even in youth, and serious looking. Lan Xichen was distracted at the sight of him and stumbled slightly, something he somehow managed to hide. At least from everyone except his Shufu who gave him a considering look.

Lan Xichen chose to pretend he didn’t see, unless he was directly challenged by Lan Qiren he would keep his own council.

As he wasn’t to attend the feast that evening he found himself at a loose end and decided to take a walk to explore the Qinghe Nie seat before he lost his time to endless discussions.

He didn’t know if it was karma, coincidence or luck that he came across the young disciple he had admired that afternoon, but he was thankful to whichever force it had been.

The other young man was a few years older than Lan Xichen, probably around sixteen, and although he had been dressed simply that afternoon he was now clad in more extravagant robes which suggested he was of the Nie clan rather than an outer disciple.

They introduced themselves and he discovered this was indeed Nie Mingjue, the Nie sect heir.

Lan Xichen was young and, despite his good manners found it difficult to stop staring at the other; his handsome features were given a certain gravity of age by the sober, focussed look he seemed to wear. The older boy seemed to be in no rush to move on either as his own eyes searched Lan Xichen’s undeniably jade-like, yet still boyishly curved features.

“OK, just please be a little more sensitive than is your wont tonight, thank you, I love you”

“Whatever, bye” he hit the disconnect button, uncomfortable with verbally expressing his feelings, and having feelings expressed to him.

Honestly what did Wei Wuxian think he was going to say to the other?

Actually, no Wei Wuxian was fully justified in being worried. The truth being any time he was in company with Wei Wuxian’s brother-in-law, the handsome, elegant, rich, cultured Lan Xichen caused his brain to go into shutdown and when that happened his tongue took over and didn’t pay much attention to what he wanted to actually say.

He cringed, knowing full well he’d shown himself up in front of the other man on several occasions so far. To the point where he’d started to avoid attending anything he could in good conscience, where he knew the other man would be there too.

No wonder Wei Wuxian had felt the need to coach him.

He couldn’t avoid tonight as it was Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s anniversary, and although they had to go to a gallery opening afterwards where some of Wei Wuxian’s art was on display Wei Wuxian had wanted to have dinner beforehand with their families.

***

He was a complete idiot.

Trust him to end up taking longer than expected to finish up his work tonight of all nights; so that he’d had to rush through a shower and change (because he doubted his brother would appreciate the ripped old jeans and baggy t-shirt he’d worked in all day) and then speed over in a taxi.

He dashed into the foyer of the building a few minutes before the time he was expected, by some miracle, and called for whoever was in the elevator to please hold it.

He was obliged and didn’t have to halt his momentum to rush between the doors. That he tripped on the edge of the elevator and flew head-first into the chest of whoever else was in there was just the icing on the cake. Although he supposed if the other person hadn’t been there to catch him it would have been a trip to hospital at the very least as his head would have hit the elevator wall solidly.

“I am so, so sorry” he lifted his gaze from where he was being surprisingly gently cradled against the other.

In retrospect he wished he had bashed his head on the elevator wall and was now soundly unconscious on the floor.

“Jiang Wanyin, that was quite the entrance”

He wanted to dig a hole right there. He wondered if it was possible to open the elevator doors now and just step down the shaft to the blessed, unembarrassed relief of death.

Was it still too late to fake unconsciousness?

“L-Lan Xichen, I-thank you for catching me” luckily he did remember his manners, Wei Wuxian’s threatened rolled up newspaper coming to mind. He wouldn’t put it past his brother to use an actual newspaper, in front of guests, if Jiang Cheng screwed up too badly. He extricated himself carefully, “Are you hurt?”

“I’m perfectly fine, just a little winded. And you’re welcome. How could I ever face your brother if I let you get hurt in an elevator with me?”

Why did that have to sound so intimate when Lan Xichen said it? Jiang Cheng’s panicked thought would have caused a flush of embarrassment, but how could it when he was already bright red from throwing himself into Lan Xichen’s arms in the most cringe-worthy way imaginable?

At the relevant floor they alighted the elevator together and made their way to Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s penthouse apartment door. They were greeted by Jiang Cheng’s brother and Wei Wuxian threw an assessing look at him, his gaze stony as he noticed Jiang Cheng’s heightened colour.

Jiang Cheng held his arms out helplessly behind Lan Xichen’s back and Wei Wuxian mimed rolling up a newspaper. Jiang Cheng held his hands in the air in surrender, mouthing “it was an accident. I said sorry”

Lan Xichen had turned to speak to Wei Wuxian then and they both pretended nothing had passed between them as Jiang Cheng slipped his shoes off and they moved into the apartment where Lan Wangji was putting the finishing touches to the table.

“Happy Anniversary” Lan Xichen said holding out a gift-bag and bottle of champaign to Wei Wuxian which magically Jiang Cheng hadn’t broken in the elevator.

“Fuck” Jiang Cheng exclaimed before thinking; he bit his lip as he realised he’d said it out loud and everyone had turned to him. “I’m so sorry, I left your gift and card at home. I was in a rush on the way out and completely forgot” honestly he frustrated himself so much sometimes.

“Jiang Cheng, it doesn’t matter, we’ll be coming over at the weekend, you can give it to us then” Wei Wuxian patted his shoulder soothingly, knowing him far too well and how stressed he’d be becoming. Little did Wei Wuxian know he was already at maximum stress levels due to his escapade in the elevator.

For all the times he’d imagined throwing himself at Lan Xichen when they were alone in an elevator together, (twice), it had never been like that.

For what an actual mess Jiang Cheng was ninety percent of the time it probably should have been.

Normally Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan would be here to celebrate too but as Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were due at the gallery opening they had offered to let A-Yuan stay over at his cousin A-Ling’s for the night. The boys were as thick as thieves and adored spending time together.

Jiang Cheng had offered himself up for uncle duty and had volunteered to have them both over for pizza and shenanigans tomorrow night so Jiang Yanli could still celebrate with the anniversary couple.

It was salve to his stinging ego that he managed to get through the meal whilst purporting himself to be a fully functioning human being who could engage in the society of others without causing offence, hilarity or injury.

It didn’t last much beyond the meal, unfortunately. He should have stayed away from the champaign bottle, as when he refilled his own glass Lan Xichen asked him politely to do the same for his glass.

It being Jiang Cheng, him being nervous, things didn’t quite happen as they should.

He tried to oblige, pouring into the glass, unfortunately he overestimated the distances involved and some splashed over the rim and directly into Lan Xichen’s lap.

He panicked, “I am so, so sorry” he swiped a napkin from the table intending to blot the spillage up, until he realised that patting away at another man’s lap was completely inappropriate. Instead he tried to press the napkin into Lan Xichen’s hand, but it fell to the floor as the other hadn’t expected it. “I’m sorry, I’ll get it” he slid to the floor to make good on his words and came up just as Lan Xichen tried to put his champaign glass on the table, instead it shattered as it came into contact with the nape of Jiang Cheng’s neck.

Chaos ensued.

***

He was utterly miserable.

“Why are you like this?” Wei Wuxian asked him in exasperation; the sting of his words was softened by the gentle hand he stroked Jiang Cheng’s hair with.

“Leave me alone to die in peace” Jiang Cheng had pressed his face against his folded arms as he laid out, naked from the waist up, on their couch. He was quite close to tears, “You need to go anyway, don’t you have a gallery opening to get to?”

“How can I possibly leave you in this state?” Lan Wangji arrived with the first aid kit and a pair of tweezers.

“I’m fine, I can look after myself” he sounded petulant.

“You’ll be able to make sure you get all the glass out of the cuts. That are behind you. On your neck?” Wei Wuxian asked.

“You should go to hospital, Jiang Wanyin” Lan Wangji agreed.

“Then that would make you even later, as you’d insist on coming too. It’s fine, just dig it out and wash it up. You’re going to be so late to your own party” he had his face securely hidden in his crossed arms but he knew Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji shared exasperated look over his back.

He hated this with his whole being, being this kind of vulnerable in front of anyone, even his brother, was abhorrent, and being stripped half naked, with-things-visible to other people made it a hundred times worse.

“Jiang Wanyin is right”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He had assumed Lan Xichen had left, possibly in disgust, but no. He was still here witnessing everything.

At least he had spoken in Jiang Cheng’s defence. Let Lan Wangji try to go against his older brother! Yes, Lan Xichen!

“You’re going to be late” Jiang Cheng nodded his agreement into his arms, “So allow me to look at the scratches, and if I think I missed anything Jiang Wanyin will go to hospital without argument, and I’ll go with him, I’m sure we can all agree that settles everything to everyone’s satisfaction”

No it did not! Danger. Danger. Who knew what other damage Jiang Cheng could cause to himself or Lan Xichen in the interim.

He was sensible enough to know it was the only way to get Wei Wuxian to go though. So he kept quiet, and kept his face hidden.

They were persuaded and left for the gallery opening after Wei Wuxian collected clothes Jiang Cheng could change into afterwards. He also brought back a hand towel to drape over his ribs, ostensibly to catch the trickles of blood but in reality to cover up the scars Jiang Cheng didn’t want on view.

Lan Xichen knelt down next to the couch, “I’m sorry if this hurts, I’m going to look for any glass first”

Jiang Cheng welcomed the pain as the least he was due and he laid still and miserable under Lan Xichen’s careful ministrations.

It was worse than torture, and he didn’t mean the pain, it was the soft puff of breaths across his nape that made him want to shiver as the other carefully examined the several scratches for any leftover glass.

A few pieces were removed, then Lan Xichen dipped some cotton wool pads in antiseptic and water.

“This is going to sting quite a bit, sorry”

“It’s fine” he mumbled, “Thank you for helping me” and then he hissed softly at the promised sting of the antiseptic.

“Even though you didn’t want me to be here?”

Jiang Cheng tensed a little, “I didn’t want anyone to be here. Would you after the joy that today has been for me?”

“Fair enough” Lan Xichen agreed, “Wangji says you’re not a clumsy person normally. Do I disturb you that much?”

“Obviously” the admittance was torn from him, and he felt the other’s sigh blow across his nape again.

“That looks better” Lan Xichen said then, dropping the last of the cotton wool back in the bowl. He traced a gentle finger alongside a scratch and told Jiang Cheng, “This one is a little deeper than the others. I dont think you’ll need stitches but keep an eye on it and go to the hospital if it doesn’t heal closed on it’s own”

The soft touch had sent a tremor down Jiang Cheng’s spine he couldn’t hide, not that he supposed it would make a difference now he’d virtually told the other he liked him.

“OK, thanks” Jiang Cheng acknowledged his advice.

“May I use this towel to pat your wounds dry? The gauze won’t stick if it’s still damp” the fact he asked meant he knew the purpose of the towel. Which also meant there was no point in saying no.

“Sure”

Lan Xichen matched actions to words and soon had the gauze in place. “I’m not sure how well it will stick, its in an awkward place”

“Thanks” Jiang Cheng stuck with the basics, then at least Wei Wuxian would have nothing, (well, at least very little) to tell him off for.

“Listen, Jiang Wanyin. I’m sorry you feel that way about me. Surely we can be adult about it though, you don’t have to keep missing events because of your dislike of me”

He rose to his knees in pure surprise then, “Are you stupid?” Jiang Cheng demanded, all manners and good sense forgotten, “I mean, really? You think I make an utter fool of myself in front of you every time we meet because I hate you? I thought you were meant to be intelligent?”

“You said I disturbed you...” Lan Xichen said carefully, a confused frown crinkling his brow.

“Fuck yes you disturb me, you make my brain stop functioning, and I’m destined to be clumsy, or say dumb shit in front of you. If you acted like a fucking idiot in front of a guy you were attracted to wouldn’t you be disturbed? Especially as he was with someone else for the majority of your association”

And there it was, three strikes and you’re out. He’d actually mentioned the taboo subject.

Wei Wuxian was going to gut him.

“I’m sorry” he rubbed at his face, honestly, after today he didn’t even have it in him to be frustrated at himself.

Lan Xichen didn’t really seem to have taken much notice to that element of his speech, however. “So you’re saying you’ve been avoiding me because you...like..me? That I make you nervous?”

“I’m saying nothing” Jiang Cheng bottled it, grabbing the clothes Wei Wuxian had left out for him and trying to walk past Lan Xichen to retreat to the bathroom and change.

The other halted him with an arm across his path, “Wait, you actually were saying you liked me”

“Who could like a dummy like you?” Jiang Cheng’s chin notched up in defence, ignoring the fact he should be keeping his head as still as possible.