does anyone else think about how horny this shot was or is it just me

My second team's writers beltenebra and putsch, wrote "Trial of the Heart", and if you love Hallmark aus like I do, you should check it out ✨

YESSSSSS

I love writing them so this is great :)

Okay song looped, ideas in my head, and now I'm just going to write right here in this post lol

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It was selfish for Mingjue to love Xichen as much as he did, he thought. Everything the man did was beautiful, and each moment Mingjue was around him, he swore he fell deeper and deeper in love with him. He loved him so much that it ached, like something sitting on his heart and squeezing it in powerful claws until he couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't even be without Xichen around to loosen that grip. But it was selfish. Mingjue couldn't love Xichen, nor could he allow Xichen to love him. He was dying, and Xichen was too wonderful to be left behind.

Xichen knew Mingjue was dying. He'd known it since the man's headaches had gotten really bad and he'd finally given in to Xichen's insistence that he go to the hospital. Xichen hadn't even needed the doctor's grim face to know it.

Mingjue had held Xichen for a long time as he'd cried, realising the man he loved, his best friend, his other half, would soon be gone. Then, once he'd finished crying, Mingjue had broken down and Xichen had comforted him in turn. That, however, was the only time either of them had cried over it. Mingjue honestly admired Xichen's strength. After that first devastating afternoon after they'd gotten back from the hospital, he'd never cried again. He'd simply smiled, against all odds.

Xichen wasn't strong, though. Sure, he knew he put on a good show for his husband; he had to, after all. Mingjue had enough on his plate without having to worry about the nights Xichen spent on the bathroom floor sobbing until he threw up, only to return to bed before Mingjue could notice he was gone.

That was fine. He was strong for Mingjue, and that was what mattered. As long as he could convince his darling, kind husband that he was okay and that he didn't need to worry, they could make the most of the time they had left. That, Xichen decided, was the most important thing.

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“Thank you, thank you, thank you…” Nie Mingjue whispered, thinking of the fervent prayers he’d sent out into the universe, kneeling in the temple he barely ever set foot in normally. He felt that he would gladly worship there all the days of his life in thanks for this. If he’d lost Lan Xichen…

“You didn’t lose me,” soothed Lan Xichen, and Nie Mingjue realised he’d been babbling into Lan Xichen’s neck, clutching him with childlike desperation. He dragged in a breath and eased back, meeting a familiar, gentle gaze. Lan Xichen reached up and cupped his cheek, running a thumb over the stubble there. Nie Mingjue’s throat constricted anew.

“If I had,” he mumbled, shaking his head, vision blurred with tears, “if I- to have lost you both, I- I couldn’t-”

Lan Xichen’s thumb stilled and his eyes widened, and Nie Mingjue snapped his mouth shut, gut twisting uncomfortably as he realised what he’d said… and who he’d said it about. His core churned, agitation rising, but he was distracted as Lan Xichen stepped back to look him up and down.

“Oh, my love,” Lan Xichen said sorrowfully, “you haven’t been taking care of yourself.”

~

My FTH fic is finally here!

A Hanahaki AU featuring Lan Xichen/Nie Mingjue, set after Wei Wuxian’s death and before Nie Mingjue’s qi deviation.

For Lan Xichen, discovering that playing for Nie Mingjue is no longer enough to slow his qi deviation leaves him desperate for another solution. What he doesn't know is that the Nie Sect has already found one: dual cultivation. Lan Xichen is relieved that his sworn brother may finally have a chance to survive. There's just one problem. Lans only fall in love once, and if that love isn't returned, they develop Hanahaki disease.

A huge thank you to my FTH bidder Melissa for supporting Gaza Soup Kitchen through this fanwork. 💙

Also, endless thanks to my amazing beta Porcupine Girl for the invaluable feedback!

Read on AO3