I now know what natural high feels like. Heart afloat, senses alive and pulsating, happiness radiating from within. Suddenly, the clouds seem to talk to you and say “We got you covered.” The sun seems to say “I love making you warm and comfy.” The leaves and the flowers are cheering me to seize the day and make it the best ever. Every butterfly that I see fluttering outside sends an important lesson on the interrelatedness of God’s creations. And the empty spot where I once decided to purge the bees (out of ignorance that they might sting my babies) gives me a hollow dent in my heart and a searing pain deep in my belly. My entire being is engulfed with guilt and shame. Guilt because I myself annihilated a species, and that is unforgivable. Shame because how dare I think that the bees will hurt us when all our lives, humans have been hurting, abusing, and misusing the flora and the fauna, the mammalia and the reptilia, the two- and the four-legged animals, the ferns and the bushes, the mountains and the oceans – each one, necessary for the balance of life. How dare I. How dare I. All I can do now is cry and repent and most importantly – ACT.
It is not accidental that in the words Go and Do, there is GOD. I now affirm to the Heavens that I, created in the image and likeness of God, am ready to journey with God because I am God’s creation, and to Godliness I shall return. My mission: to create heaven on earth.
How? By filling my core with love and gratitude so I can see each person around me as one with me and so we are all one with God. That shared identity – as if we are all one heart beating – will, with the Divine’s help, make me a steward of God’s creations, instead of a mere consumer. With discernment, it will make me less selfish and less egoistic. Life is too short to be wasted on self-interests. Everything is impermanent anyway. What will go on after I am dead is my spirit. With the help and support of my community of cultivators, I will be an instrument for others to be inspired as well to begin their journey home.
And now, I offer my sincerest apology to my fellowmen, to nature, and to the universe. Sorry it took me so long to wake up from the programmed world filled with lies, pretensions, deceit, and hunger for belongingness, for wealth, titles, fame, and prestige. Sorry if it will take me long to cultivate my spirit and attain unconditional dharma. I will falter; I will fail. But I shall try and try again to be closer to our original nature. Sorry for Ondoy, for Sendong, for Yolanda, for Glenda, and now, Ruby and for all past and future disasters. Sorry for not taking prompt action. If I had thought of my fellow Filipinos as my own kin, I will not have wasted that precious water, not polluted that precious air, not consumed those things that I did not need, not hesitated to contribute my time, talents, and skills to the collective good, not complained when I am inconvenienced, not turned to blaming, ranting, and eventually to apathy. We deserve these disasters. They are our own doing. And the undoing is also up to us.
Dear Heavens, I apologize. I apologize. I apologize.
I am filled with gratitude though because it is not too late. My body and spirit are one now. I’d like to keep it that way so that the natural high will not go away. Or if it does go, it will visit me more often, and soon enough, it will reside in me for eternity.
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