#shadowhunders

-          Do you have a personal problem with that punching bag? -she asked as she came closer. -Or are you thinking about someone else?

-          Shut up, Izzy. -you said out of breath, not stopping.

-          I hope that’s not me, because you’re going to break it Y/N. -she put a hand on your shoulder. -Maybe you should take a break.

-          Maybe you should shut up and let me live in peace. -you shrugged her hand off.

You moved towards the bench where your things were, not looking at Isabelle. Because if you did, you knew you would break down.

-          What’s gotten into you? -she frowned, sitting on the bench. -Not even Alec is as rude as you this days.

-          I’m not being rude.

-          You’re not exactly radiating happiness either. Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?

-          It’s nothing, Izzy. -you sighed.

-          So there is something. -she smiled. -Is it about Jace? I haven’t seen you together for a while.

-          I have things t-

-          You’re going to sit with me here and tell me about it. -she interrupted you. -Or I’m going to follow you until you give in.

Knowing that she would make you talk about it sooner or later, you sat beside her and put your elbows on your knees. You put your head between your hands, looking at her with shiny eyes. It was true that you and Jace didn’t even hang out together anymore, what surprised you was that she hadn’t noticed it sooner.

-          I don’t know, Izzy. -you whispered. -I’m trying to be a good girlfriend, and I don’t want to be jealous or paranoid, but I just can’t ignore the fact that he is always with her and doesn’t make time for me.

-          With Clary? -you nodded, and she sighed. -I could lie to you and say that it isn’t true, but I’ve noticed it too.

-          I don’t want to end things with him. -you blinked to keep your tears away.

-          Have you talked about it with Jace? -she said, running a hand through your hair.

-          I-I’m afraid that if I do, he will tell me he doesn’t love me anymore.

-          He does! I swear, Y/N, I’ve known Jace all my life. And he has never been happier than when he’s with you. Jace just need a little remainder of your relationship.

-          But I don’t want to be the possessive girlfriend. -you whispered.

-          Your birthday is next week, Y/N. -she smiled. -I had something planned, but we can do it other time. Tell him you want to go out to the restaurant you like, and talk about it there.

-          I don’t-

-          It’s the best idea, Y/N. -Isabelle interrupted you. -Just wait until next Wednesday, I’m sure he will prove you how much he loves you and you will fix things. She’s just a friend.

Maybe she was right, you though. Clary was new in your world, and she needed all the help she could get, with his father and all. Your boyfriend was being a good person, you said to yourself, and he was just helping a friend. After talking with Isabelle for a while, you left the training room smiling for the first time in days. You did your tasks, hanged out with your friends, went on missions and spent as much time as you could with Jace. Waiting until next Wednesday, where everything would be alright again.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You could hear the shower running as you were reading a book, ready for bed. It was open on the same page since you entered in your room; you were more nervous than ever, since it was Tuesday and tomorrow would be your birthday. You had been away all day in a mission with Alec, so you hadn’t seen Jace. But now, he was in the shower and you were waiting for him to come out. You were going to tell him about the restaurant, and the next morning, you would be in a happy relationship again. Or so you thought.

-          Hey babe, didn’t hear you come in. -said Jace, leaving the shower with just a towel. -Where have you been all day?

-          I was on a mission with Alec. -you frowned, but then smiled.

You had told him about it a few days ago; it was a long mission, and while you were eating together, you talked about it. Jace was too busy talking with Clary to hear it, it seemed, yet you were happy he noticed your absence.

-          And how was it? -he asked as he looked for his clothes.

-          It was good, we cleaned the nest of vampires and solved the business with the werewolf. -you said, looking at him as he moved. -And your day? Did you missed me?

-          Training with Clary. She’s getting better each day, I’m happy for her. Maybe in a few months she will be as good as we are.

-          Yeah. -you said, not missing how he didn’t answer to your second question. -Hey Jace, do you think we can go to Ramsdens? Tomorrow for lunch, maybe?

-          Sure. -he kissed your lips before heading to the door.

-          Wh-where are you going?

-          Clary wants to study some runes, she’s learning to draw some of them. -he explained.

-          Bu-

-          Don’t wait for me up, babe! -he said as he closed the door.

You kept looking at the door for a few seconds, wondering what had happened. Last year on your birthday, Jace made you stay awake until midnight so he could give you your gift; a little music box with your favourite song and a little tattooed ballerina. You had told him before that you kind of hated how you had always your arms tattooed; it made people look at you and you hated attention. So he spent a week craving himself the little ballerina so she could have runes like you. That year, however, seemed that he didn’t care about the little details.

With a sad sigh, you turned on your side and turned your light off. Tomorrow, you thought to yourself. Tomorrow you would eat in your favourite restaurant and everything would be alright. And with that thought and tears in your eyes, you went to sleep.

You woke up to a snoring Jace. He was shirtless beside you, his body full of experimental runes from Clary. At least he’s with you, you thought. It could be worse. You didn’t expect a bed-breakfast or a bright bouquet of flowers when you woke up; you understood he was tired and wanted to sleep. However, you were a little disappointed because he didn’t open his eyes for you when you left the room.

As Isabelle told you, you waited. Waited all morning to hear his voice behind you, to see him walking down the corridor. You waited as you trained and as you talked to Isabelle; and waited as you received some presents from the brothers. Even Clary, who wasn’t with Jace by chance, wished you a happy birthday when she saw you in the corridor. The only thing you could do was wait until lunch time, where everything would be alright again, right?

-          How do I look? -you asked Isabelle, looking at the mirror.

-          You look beautiful Y/N. -she smiled as she settled the dress. It was a white short dress with long sleeves, and you thought it was amazing. -What are you going to do to your hair?

-          I don’t know, I think I like it the way it is now. -you said, touching it. -I think I’m ready!

-          You’re not taking any jacket?

-          Come on, Izzy, it’s hot out there!

-          Yeah, but you can’t have any weapon with you. -she frowned.

-          I’m going to a crowded restaurant with Jace. -you pouted. -If I wear a jacket the dress won’t be so pretty!

-          Okay. -she laughed. -Just promise me Jace won’t rip it.

-          You’re an idiot.

-          What? If I was your boyfriend I would do it!

You rolled your eyes at her, happy to have her as your parabatai. After putting your make up on and grabbing your mobile phone, you gave her a kiss and said goodbye. In your way out,  you met with Alec and a very confused Clary, who asked you where you were going.

-          I’m going out. -you half-smiled, wondering why she was talking to you. -Why?

-          Oh, I just-don’t know, I guess we could spend a little time together? -it came out as a question.

-          I repeat my question, why?

-          Don’t you want to train or something, Y/N? -Alec tried. -I bet you’re not as good as you used to be.

-          We trained together last week, Alec. What’s wrong with you both?

-          No-nothing, we’re fine! Fantastic!

-          Yeah, I’m going to be late. -you gave them a weird stare. -See you around.

Before they could answer, you walked away, not wanting to be late. You hadn’t really set an hour to be there, but you supposed it was time already. The way there was uneventful; you said hi to some people and smiled until you arrived to the restaurant. You had waited a whole week for that moment, waited so you could talk to Jace and fix things before it was too late. But it seemed that the waiting wasn’t finished. You waited again, one hour then two; and when the kind woman who was next to your desk told you your desk was requested by another couple, you stopped waiting.

With tears in your eyes, you got out the restaurant. It wasn’t like in the romantic movies; it wasn’t raining, it was sunny and it was a good day. And the boy you loved wasn’t waiting for you by the door neither. You had waited a whole week for nothing, you thought. Just as you walked by a narrower street, you waiting was rewarded. But instead of a loving boyfriend offering you apologises, it was a vampire showing you his pointed teeth. And you weren’t wearing a jacket.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jace was pacing in your room since the first light in the morning. He was nervous, anxious; he had been preparing this for two weeks now, with the help of Clary. She knew a lot about mundane’s things, and he needed her for your gift. Which, by the way, was nearly finished. He had thought about it nearly a month ago, when you two saw together the stupid mundane film where a girl married her best friend. It was stupid and he didn’t like it, but he was glad he watched it with you. Because he could see how your eyes shined with tears when the guy proposed to her, and how you talked excitedly about it. In the shadow-hunters world, weddings were planned in a different way. So he used Clary’s knowledge about the mundane’s world to make the perfect proposal. The only thing missing were you.

-          Maybe she went to the supermarket? -Alec tried. -We’re short of milk.

-          Sure, it’s her birthday, and what does she do? Go to buy milk. -Jace scoffed. -It has been four hours, dude.

-          I’m sure she will come, Jace. -Clary offered him a shy smile. -And everything is going to be fine.

-          Except she says no, of course. -Simon said from the couch.

-          Simon!

-          What are exactly doing here? -Alec gave him a death glare. -I don’t remember inviting you.

-          He needs to hear the good part and the bad one. -he shrugged. -I’m here to show him the second, to prepare him for the worst.

-          She’s going to say yes, Jace. -Clary smiled. -You’ve been up all night preparing the glass house, it’s going to be perfect.

Alec’s phone interrupted them, and he excused himself to get it. Jace sighed and looked down; he shouldn’t be so worried, you would probably be fine, lost somewhere with a new book. Those past weeks had been the worst of his life. He knew himself, he couldn’t keep anything from you; so he decided to distance himself and focus only on the proposal with Clary. Maybe it had been a little harsh, yet he found it necessary. The door opened again after an awkward silence.

-          Hey Alec, have y-Jace? -her eyes widened. -What are you doing here? And where is Y/N?

-          I-I’m waiting for her. -Jace said. -Do you know if she is mad or something?

-          Mad? Mad?! -she shouted. -You idiot, you told her you would meet in the Ramsdens! For lunch Jace! Not for dinner!

-          What? -Jace moved so he could avoid the book Isabella threw at him. -Izzy, stop! I didn’t-Ow! What are you talk-That hurt! Okay, okay! Stop, enough!

She was then hitting him as he tried to avoid her punches, and it took Simon and Clary to take her off.

-          What’s wrong with you, Jace?! -she screamed, trying to break free. -You don’t have enough with cheating on her, you also have to dump her?!

-          If you would just-what? -what started as a scream, ended as a broken whisper. -She thinks I’m cheating on her?

-          You’re not? -Isabelle stopped moving, surprised by the hurt in his eyes. -Why are you around Clary so much?

-          I was planning a proposal. -he whispered, and then sat in the bed again. -Y/N thinks I’m cheating on her?

-          W-well, it looked a little suspicious. -Isabelle said.

-          He wanted help with the proposal. -Clary explained, as Jace could only look at the ground. -Jace told me Y/N wanted something special, like in the mundane’s films…

-          Why were you avoiding her? -she asked, calmer now.

-          I knew I couldn’t keep the secret, Izzy. -Jace said. -God, I’m so stupid. I didn’t think it would look like it.

-          Yeah, it looked. -she said.

-          Where is she now? -Jace looked at her.

-          She wanted to talk to you, so she agreed to meet you in the Ramsdens for lunch. -Isabelle looked down. -I suppose she thinks you’ve dumped her.

As Jace’s world was crashing him down, the door opened again, this time by the other sibling. Jace was going to say something, but interrupted himself when he saw the look on his friend’s eyes.

-          What’s the matter? -Clary asked.

-          The vampire nest Y/N and I cleared yesterday. -he said. -Some of them survived, we don’t know how. And now they’re looking for us.

-          I thought-

-          She doesn’t have the jacket. -Isabelle interrupted Simon.

-          What?

-          Oh God, she’s isn’t wearing the jacket, Jace. -she looked at him. -She doesn’t have any weapon with her, and she’s alone.

Have you ever seen a rocket? Well, that day Jace ran faster than that. Before any of them had time to say anything, he had rushed out of the room. Grabbing a few weapons in the way, he left the institute. Jace knew it was risky, and that he should have waited for his friends; but with your life on the line, he wasn’t going to wait.

The first place he went to was the restaurant. He asked for you, giving the kind woman a description, as he regained his breath. She told him you had just left a few minutes ago, and he was kind of relived for that. Jace made his way back to the institute, looking in every corner and alley for you. He searched for a good hour until Isabella caught up with him.

-          You can’t just leave like that! -she told him. -We’re all worried-

-          This is my fault, Izzy. -he looked at her with tears in his eyes. -I-I try my best to be the best boyfriend, but this is al new to me. Didn’t thought about her feelings.

-          Hey, she’s going to understand. -she smiled. -As I told her once, you love her, and she loves you. You’re going to make it through, Jace. You just have to wait.

However, they didn’t have to wait long to find you. It was Isabelle who saw you first. She was asking about you in the flower-shop when she saw it. Your beautiful white dress was a few meters away from her; the vampire had tried to hide your body, yet the white fabric could be seen. She screamed for Jace as she ran towards you, and soon he was by her side.

-          No. Please, not this -a soft sob left Jace’s lips, while Isabelle covered her mouth. -No, you can’t do this to me. No! God, Y/N, it’s not fair, no!

-          We need to call Magnus. -she whispered.

When they turned you around, the sight was even worse. You had bits in every part of your body, forming bruises covering you whole and, what once had been a beautiful white dress, was then deep red. Jace tried to cover the most important wounds while he heard Izzy talking to Magnus on the phone; the one on your neck, wrist, and collarbone. His tears made everything blurry, and his mind entered in a confused state where the only thing he could do was cry your name and hug your body.

It seemed like hours passed, and when he came back, it was already night. He was sitting on a chair in the medical wig of the institute. His hands were red with your blood, and his clothes stained and dirty. Jace tried to get up, but his legs gave away.

-          Hey, hey. -Clary appeared beside him. -Take it easy, Jace. Can you hear me? Do you know who am I?

-          Y/N? -he whispered your name, desperate to find you. -Wh-where is Y/N, Clary? What has happened?

-          Thank God. -she sighed. -You were in shock, Jace. When we found you, you wouldn’t talk or move. You had been like that for five hours.

-          Where is Y/N? -Jace asked again.

-          She’s with Brother Enoch. -she looked down.

-          Clary, give me a fucking answer! -he screamed, making her jump.

-          Y/N has lost a lot of blood, Jace. -Alec said, appearing at his side. -Brother Enoch  is trying to take the venom of the fangs out of her without drawing out any more blood. We had to call him because Magnus didn’t know what to do.

-          But will she be fine? -he asked, feeling the tears in his eyes again. -Don’t lie to me, please.

-          We don’t know. She’s very weak right now, Jace. If she does recover from this, she will be in bed for a long time. Her defences are nearly none.

But the truth was Raphael had only had the smallest of tastes. While he was in, all in, for Simon, Simon’s heart lay elsewhere. Sure he cared for Raphael. They were friends, sort of but Simon didn’t see Raphael the way Raphael saw him. Didn’t want Raphael the way Raphael wanted him. Didn’t crave him. It was time that Raphael stopped hoping that would change. Stopped waiting around for any scraps that Simon threw his way. Scraps of his time, scraps of his innocent touches.

“What did I do?” Simon asked, his voice almost a whisper in the quiet of the room. He heard a harsh sigh spill from Raphael’s lips and he chanced a step closer the older vampire. “Tell me what I did and I’ll fix it. Raphael, please.”  

At the pleading timbre to Simon’s voice, Raphael turned on him sharply. Simon only had time to flinch before he was backed up and pinned against a nearby wall. His palms lay flat against the wall behind him as he froze to the spot. His gaze caught on Raphael’s fangs and his eyes widened. Raphael cursed himself for the fear he could feel emanating off of Simon. “Mierda…” he whispered, a rough edge to his voice.

The irony of this whole thing was Raphael had often told Simon he deserved better than Clary. Deserved better than her wilful ignorance of his feelings, even as a best friend - never mind more. That nobody could be so blind as not to realise the way his eyes were drawn to her. The softness in those eyes when he watched at her. The way he had a secret smile just for her. The rise of the hairs on his arms at the slightest touch. The fumble of his words when he got close to putting his heart on the line and opening up to her. Raphael had noticed it, the magnitude of it, and it wasn’t even directed at him.

Now it seemed that the apple didn’t fall from the best friend tree. Simon was showing the same wilful ignorance when it came to Raphael’s feelings. There was no way Simon could have simply not realised because it was demonstrated in every move Raphael made and every word he spoke. How he felt for Simon was in everything.

Not that Simon owed Raphael anything. That wasn’t what this was about. He couldn’t force Simon to have feelings for him any more than he could force his own to just disappear. So they had reached an impasse, whether Simon was aware of it or not. Raphael took a step back from Simon, releasing him from where he had him pinned against the wall. He took a moment to fix the collar of Simon’s jacket, his palms resting against Simon’s chest for a second before he reluctantly broke contact completely. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Raphael said quietly.

Simon went to speak, confusion still evident on his face, but Raphael interrupted him before he got the chance. “I’m happy for you, Simon. I truly am,” he said, a small smile full of bitter-sweetness and pride rose on his lips. “You got the girl.”

Simon returned a smile at that, but rather than bitter-sweetness it was all pride and a little bashfulness. “I guess I did, huh?” he said, chucking Raphael on the shoulder. Raphael’s dark eyes glanced to where Simon had made contact. Such an innocent gesture and yet it left tingles.

“But, I can’t be someone you talk to about this stuff,” Raphael continued, his eyes resting back on Simon’s face again. He stared at Simon intently, willing him to understand why. Willing him not to make him spell it out for him. “I’ll be there for you, always, but I need some distance. I need time.” Simon looked at him searchingly, and then softly uttered the one question that Raphael didn’t want to have to answer.

“Why?”