#serapostle

she remembered his face,  remember many faces,  but above all she remembered his.  after all that is what mother’s are wont to do,  what they must do,  they must remember all that has been and all that never will be,  for fortune favours the ancient and hallowed.  favours those who love with all their heart,  until their hearts sputter out into entropic wreaths.  she always recognised his eyes for the red of them glittered and basked,  appearing as blood printed upon untouched snow.  red is always thought to be such a violent colour,  but he knew only tender touches and the press of fingers against fur.  he knew love before he knew violence. 

【 ⊳ 碇 】；

EVEN OVER THE COURSE of several days, the interest in the new transfer student has never seemed to die down...which presents a bit of a problem for Shinji.

Days have gone by in which he’s gotten to spend time with Kaworu; perhaps more than most of his classmates. After all — they’re both EVA pilots. It’s allowed Shinji to take note of the smallest things most others might not. The way he hums going into a sync test, as if he’s done this many times before. The way his hands are almost always tucked into his pockets. The noticeable difference in the way he addresses Shinji, and the way he addresses everyone else.

But one thing, perhaps small in comparison to everything else? Kaworu never has lunch.

Not a single day since his arrival has Shinji seen Kaworu bring food from home. Even when Kaworu leaves the classroom during lunch period, he never even comes back with so much as a school lunch to tide him over. It never seems to outwardly bother him, either. But it must, at least a little. School days are long, and they get even longer when they need to show up at NERV immediately after. So, well...

Shinji woke up earlier than usual that morning, prepared a little more food than he needed to, even between him and Asuka. Of course, Asuka pried when she saw the third bento box, which sent Shinji into a bit of a flurried panic. But he endured it. He was sparing with any details he gave her — somehow, it was a little embarrassing.

And now, well, he’s here, with the extra lunch in his hands, trying to figure out a way to insert it into the conversation naturally as Kaworu walks with him to the classroom.

❝  ʰᵃᵈ ᵐʸ ʰᵉᵃᵈ ᵘⁿᵈᵉʳʷᵃᵗᵉʳ ʰᵃᵈ ᵐʸ ᵐⁱⁿᵈ ᵘⁿᵈᵉʳ ᶜᵒᵛᵉʳˢ ʰᵃᵈ ᵐʸ ᶠᵃⁱᵗʰ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵍᵘᵗᵗᵉʳ

ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀs ᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇʏᴇs ᴏɴ ᴍᴇ ❞

His footsteps are a clock. A click of his heels, then another. Always even intervals. The smell is still there, too: sterile and the two-swipe scrub of alcohol swabs before a shot, isopropyl sharp and cold. He's seen Rei.

In the hallway, a woman stiffens at the sight of him and chokes on the word 'sir.' He doesn't know her name, doesn't know any of them --- they are there and he is here, always, faraway and unreachable. He says nothing and sees her shoulders droop with relief on the pane of a vending machine the moment he passes. Good.

Gendo steps inside an elevator. Bleary green, the numbers counting up, and the door hisses open. 

Outside, the Fifth Child. He knows. A perfect sync with Unit-02, its core unchanged, and sent by SEELE. A perpetual smile and cherry red eyes. Something prods at his brain --- the unknowable, the y in the equation, the when. This boy made contact with Rei.

Dr. Akagi hadn’t minced words at all, Asuka knew exactly why the Fifth Child had arrived. After being continuously shown up by Shinji, of all people, her confidence in her own abilities had taken a serious blow. It wasn’t just the one off occurrence either, Ikari had been on a steady upwards path of improvement- Leaving her behind to choke on the dust of his wake. And even if the First didn’t show it, Asuka just knew that the pallid, crimson-eyed girl was laughing at her. Enjoying watching every moment of her struggle to maintain a synch ratio to enable even basic activation of her Unit... Even though she was nothing but a vapid, ass-kissing doll.

She may be a doll, but at least she can pilot her Eva.

Asuka’s fingernails left red crescents in the middle of her palms, arms tightening at her sides as she waited for Nagisa to leave the preparation rooms they used to change between their civilian clothes and plug suits. She’d overheard the technicians in the ladies restroom, clucking away like old hens about the Fifth’s miraculous abilities, that he could synch to Unit-02 without the core even being reformatted to his specifications. Her Unit- the one she’d trained specifically to command. If it weren’t weird, she’d almost consider Unit-02 like an extension of her own body, it was that jarring to imagine anyone else at the helm.

The Fifth was taller than she had expected, better-looking as well. If she didn’t absolutely hate his guts from the feathery spikes of his hair down to the tips of his toes, she might even have tried to play this differently- At least from a different angle than immediately suspicious and hostile.

“Hey, you!” she called out, striding over with her chest pushed out and her chin held at a high, haughty angle.

“I’m not sure what kind of tricks you pulled to get those readings but no one else can synch with Unit-02 as well as I can- I’m the pilot! So don’t get too comfortable and think that you can just walk in here and take that away from me!” 

His fury, though far off, was comparable to an oncoming storm; destruction foretold, devastation foreseen, and ruin nigh at hand as thunder echoes, with waves racing towards the coast, and the air runs cold. With such a threat looming, she should be afraid...

It was, however, foretold—every ill omen of his seen, awaited even, well beforehand as she stood on that shoreline, not even batting an eye as his terrible wrath is reduced to little more than a protest before her. If this was the wrath of God, in all of His fury, then his menace fell beneath her heel as she remained unshaken, still standing midst the tempest as though it were just a breeze—amounting to nothing.

Nonetheless, to say she wasn’t as furious as he would be mistaken, as she felt a frenzied thing deep inside that shook the earth beneath, a cool interior melting away as the sky begun to blacken and wanted to erupt to the surface, waiting. The side stolen from her wanted nothing more than to lash out, like his, and melt away the Lilin, the flesh he took, and wore for his own selfish desire.

The difference however is in their desire.

The Fifth was a selfish being to his core: it was and always will be a matter of him, himself, and his interests; and the boy merely was something that fell on what he desired. He brings hope to the boy, Ikari, and his frail heart, but only to claim it with each & every time he passes on. A self-serving cycle, hurting to gain what was fleeting every time... that chance to be human like him.

It was only denial he brought. An excuse for both him & the boy to hurt, and feel alive... rather than actually be alive. It was a false happiness, escaping every time he finished this act.

Rei however, never once considered how it was she felt, only what she could do for him. It was in her nature, as a selfless soul, to help not only the boy—but the Fifth even, despite the fury she feels inside for what he is, what he’s said, and what he’s done to him. The girl knows she’s not innocent, not ignoring that she has, in turn, caused the boy considerable pain along the way, but she also knows that in the thousands of times she had died, the hundreds of ways she has died, and the many more she will perhaps die... she has given him the choice to truly be happy: to turn that glass heart into something sturdier than what either of them could provide by his own choice alone.

So contrary to him, Rei takes his poison and embraces him as he were the same.

Nothing and everything was tangible both at once.  It was hard to wrap one’s mind around it,   Yui found she retained that much humanity.  She recognised that much, and something else.  It was palpable all around her. LOVE. Warm and unconditional,  just like hers —— all for him.