#septembergate

I really don’t know what to say let me just stare at this blinking cursor before i rant

I’m??? Shooketh?

To clarify: Yes I intend to leave. Before the Kingsman sequel comes out. In September. Yes, that means no to 2, 3, 4, 5+++ of FAaC.

I even intend to leave my main tumblr as well just because I know no matter how I blacklist it, it will ultimately find its way to me.

I’m tired. I’m tired of falling so terribly deep in love with something that will never be real/canon. I’m tired of making people in love with something that will never be real/canon, making them invested, subconsciously urging them to stay on in that fantasy world of consumerism that makes those creators more money, those creators who will make money off of them and never deliver what the characters deserve.

Basically, I’m sick of being queerbaited, unintentionally or not. And I’m sick of writing of something that will blatantly do everything it can to make it straight–maybe joke about queerness here and there because 

Hey, We’re Cool™ We tolerate Queerness ™ In fact, the character we said was gay has a female love interest this time but!!! idk we’ll make up to it somehow. Does it really matter? You’ve been stuck in your fandom and fanfiction anyway and you’ll continue to try and satisfy yourself with that instead and make us money anyway. 

Maybe I’m too attached–As you can see from my fucking stupid almost 500k amount of work–But this makes me sick. It legitimately does. It keeps me up at night and it makes me nauseous, churning my stomach and making my eyes water and taking my breath away—because i’m stupid.

Point 2: Concerning the tags of me saying I wish to separate my original work and my fanon work and whether or not you should be offended.

Probably.

I want it separated. If you ever find my works in the wild, you may think it’s similar but move on with your life vs. If you knew it was me and started to read it, you’d somehow think it was Hartwin in an AU

that’s a bit offensive tbh. 

i mean yes it’s a political royal bodyguard university shakespearean spy thriller, but???

Point 3: Yes, it’s also about giving too much and not getting much in return. I know I’m not owed anything, let’s get that clear. It’s fanfiction. Plenty of people make it without getting much back.

But you’ve pointed it out yourself, the effort, my chapter wordcount averages, the research I do–all of these things I do on my own terms for the integrity of the stories I make. That’s important to me, that’s something I will not be satisfied with if I ever compromise on it.

It’s starting to take a toll on me, worse than it has been for the past 2 years. Again, personal real life happenings. Yes, top secret–as you’ve mentioned. I have plenty of responsibilities and the world has been getting worse. I need to make a living, in addition to said responsibility.

Let’s just say for example that I go to uni/training institution. I need to focus on that. 

I also need to get a more stable job that pays enough to enable my survival

The free time that I will have left, if plausible, I intend to spend on an original work/interpretation that will have two people who, let’s just say, would burn the world for each other and slowly come to realise that. It will be canon. 

It won’t be something I have to wait for hopelessly and be disappointed at when the sequel comes along, a franchise with several writers who may not be in sync, several writers who may have no intention or bravery to allow these people to be together.

Point 4: I do not want to take advantage of people. Realistically, the amount of people who’d contribute won’t be enough. I think??

Ugh maths why would you make me do this–but i need to prove a point.

Lowest average salary per month in the field I’d be working on: £1500-1900

You said dollars, I’m assuming you meant American. so that would equal to about $2000-2500

Currently there’s about 1.2k FAaC subscribers. That means they’re somewhat interested in the story, that doesn’t mean they’re interested in me. 

I get plenty of views from FAaC, but do I get the same or even half of that ratio on comments/feedback? No, I don’t.

That’s telling enough, isn’t it?

I’ve got around 100 subscribers to my ao3

Even on the off-chance that all of those 100 people give me 1 dollar each, that’s 100 dollars a month. 

As much as I want to cease existing, I’m already here and dying would cost money. That’s the world we live in. 100 dollars wouldn’t even be 10% of funeral/cremation costs.

Conclusion: Would you stay if you got enough money to get you through in RL?

Unless some miracle happens to even reach the baseline of £1500/$2000 per month–But I’m sorry, that’s just not realistic. I don’t like getting my hopes up.

Despite your straightforwardness, you genuinely sound like you care and I appreciate that.