#september second

In the evening there were flocks of nighthawks

passing southward over the valley.  The tall

sunflowers stood, burning on their stalks

to cold seed, by the still river.  And high

up the birds rose into sight against the darkening

clouds.  They tossed themselves among the fading

landscapes of the sky like rags, as in

abandonment to the summons their blood knew.

And in my mind, where had stood a garden

straining to the light, there grew

an acceptance of decline.  Having worked,

I would sleep, my leaves all dissolved in flight.

After everything he did to me

I’m sorry I can’t open up to you the way I used to

I feel so cold these days

My heart is shattered and I’m clinging to the pieces

They make my fingers bleed but the pain reminds me I’m alive

I’m alive.

Somehow I survived and I kept living

After his hands let me go

And the bruises all healed

I kept going

I’m angry you weren’t who I thought you were

I’m resentful that I loved a man who didn’t exist

I’m bitter that I had him for an ignorant moment

The kindest ignorance - when you don’t know what you don’t know