#sepis

I know Ive been MIA lately. I’m trying to get back into the swing of things focusing mostly on school and physical therapy.

So much has changed!

I posted before about how i thought my “boyfriend” (now ex) was amazing and he accepted my illnesses and all that came with it, but I was totally wrong. When they say love is blind they really mean it. I thought that I loved him so all of the red flags simply went into a folder for later. It wasn’t until I was battling sepsis that his true feelings came out. He resented every second that we were together when I was sick. He also told me that he had feelings for his best friend! I knew that I needed to do something. I was still fighting numerous infections and facing the reality that I might not graduate with my class in May. I ended things with him, and instantly felt relieved.

I still hadn’t accepted that I was very sick. I didn’t think that this could happen to me. I didn’t think that I would be fighting for my life in a hospital bed losing mass amounts of weight. If I couldn’t accept what was happening to me without being given an option how could I expect anyone else to accept it willingly?

I was lucky enough to have friends that stuck with me through the last 4 months which included 6 surgeries, 5 admissions, sepsis, and an IBS flare. When I broke up with my ex I told all of my friends, and they were all extremely supportive. One friend in particular was more supportive than anyone else while I was sick especially. Everyday he would ask how I was and if I needed anything. I would (and still do) tell him everything, I break down to him, I rant to him, Ive even called him crying because I had just had enough.

After I ended things with my ex he became a big part of my life. He got me out of the house to go to our schools winter dance. I was still in an immobilizer and I could barely walk but he didn’t care he just wanted me to have fun. Before the dance instead of going out to dinner and spending money that neither of us had we hung out at his house and watched the Lorax. I hadn’t been that relaxed and had that much fun in a long time. Then the one thing that I had been hoping would happen since I met him on the first day of school happened. HE KISSED ME!! Lets just say I was on top of the moon. After the dance I hung out at his house for a while, and then he asked me out! All of our friends were so happy! They said we were so flirty with each other it was gross (not literally).  It has almost been a month with him and I have been so happy. My mom really likes him and doesn’t mind when he comes over. He lives super close and I get to see him every day at school.

He knew how my last relationship ended, so he took the initiative, looked me in the eyes and said “I have been with you throughout all of these surgeries and i know how sick you were and I know that your biggest worry is that your health will interfere in a relationship, but the only thing that matters to me is that you are healthy and safe.” When he said this my eyes welled up with tears. Hearing someone tell me this without me prompting it by asking if my health bothered them was amazing!