#seokyu.dev

Seokyu realized on the eighth morning in the HBH cafeteria that they wanted him to make the first move. 

He noticed how Kane looked up from his cereal bowl at him, like he was expecting Seokyu to disappear again if he didn’t keep an eye on him. Seokyu swallowed thickly and cleared his throat. 

Spoons stopped scraping bowls. Eyes all darted to the dancer. 

“Um. Can we talk?” Seokyu asked. The other six men nodded their heads, clearly waiting for this moment. 

“You guys know I’m sorry about scaring you, right? I didn’t mean to upset you.” Seokyu looked between his friends.  “We know you didn’t, buddy.” Woodie sighed.  “Then can you stop ignoring me?” Seokyu asked, his tone a bit sharper than intended. “We’re not ignoring you because of that.” Geonwu responded with the same snippy tone. “We’re ignoring you because you clearly don’t trust us anymore.”  “So do you not want to rebuild trust or something?” Seokyu arched his eyebrows. “You think that leaving me out and treating me like a stranger would build trust between us?”  The other six men went silent. Kane suddenly seemed very invested in chasing soggy corn flakes around with his spoon.

Seokyu wet his lower lip. “I didn’t leave because of you guys, you know that, right? I left because I just wanted to do something for myself.” "But you couldn’t trust us with that? You really had to go completely off the radar?” Cyth questioned, hurt laced into every word. “I’ve already apologized for that.” Seokyu blinked.  Cyth shook his head, pushing his chair back. “You don’t get it, Kyu.” He mumbled, picking up his bowl of cereal and dumping it into the trash can. He disappeared through the cafeteria’s double doors, heading in the direction of the practice rooms.  Seokyu watched him go, trying to keep his frustration under control. What more could they want from him? 

“Sungho means that we were worried for a week straight. We risked our careers for you, left our families, girlfriends, and responsibilities all to make sure you got home safe.” Woodam explained calmly. “For you to show up and imply that you don’t trust us made us wonder... if you value us as much as we value you?”

Seokyu let the words burn into his heart and brain. This would be one of those moments that he will never forget, no matter how old he got. The moment he realized that he truly broke his friends. He caused them heartbreak and anxiety and sleepless nights. The wrongfulness of his actions started boiling in his gut. 

“I-” Seokyu couldn’t finish his words. Hot tears started bubbling up on his waterline. The guilt was too much. He ducked his head, hoping that the trainees sitting two tables away couldn’t see his tears.  “Hey, bud, don’t cry.” Minho sighed. Next to him, Ji clapped a hand over Seokyu’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, guys. I d-don’t know how many times I should s-say it but I’m s-sorry.” Seokyu blubbered, wiping his eyes. He sniffled loudly, swallowing thickly so he could speak. “And I’m not crying to like... emotionally manipulate anyone or anything. It’s just a reflex.” 

Ji let out an amused huff. “He’s still our Seokyu. Only Seokyu would worry about the mentality of the other person while he’s crying.”  “We know you’re sorry, Kyu.” Kane reached across the table to take his friend’s hand. “We just... We need time to forgive you, you know?”  “From now on we’ll try to work on forgiveness without excluding you.” Minho promised. “Things aren’t going to go ‘back to normal’ for a bit,” Geonwu stated. “But we’ll work on talking about the things that hurt us in effective ways.” Seokyu nodded, drying his eyes with his sleeve.  “And Sungho will probably be the first one to forgive you.” Woodam angled his head in the direction of the cafeteria exit. “He wants things to go back to normal just as badly.”  “And you’ve got him wrapped around your finger.” Geonwu sighed. “For a scary looking motherfucker, he’s a total softy.” 

Seokyu managed a watery chuckle. After receiving a pat on the back from his members, the five men rose and made their way out of the cafeteria. Most of the trainees and artists were starting to pack up too, heading to their first practice or lesson of the day. In the surge of talented individuals, one particular girl stood out to Seokyu.

“Hey, I’ll see you guys in the practice room. I gotta make one more apology.” Seokyu said to his members. He back tracked his steps until he fell in line with Promise’s leader, Kwon Jimin. 

“Hey, uh,” Seokyu scratched the back of his neck. “Do you have a minute before your practice starts?”

The other members of Promise took the hint right away. The four other members hurried ahead, mumbling ‘see you’s to Seokyu as they left.  Jimin gave him a weary look, as if the next words coming from Seokyu’s mouth might be a heads up on his next departure. 

“Uh, I know what I’ve done wasn’t fair. I probably scared you really bad.” Seokyu licked his lips, breaking eye contact. “But... I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry and that I will be honest with you from now on.”  Jimin pulled over to the side of the hallway, letting the trainees behind them pass. She shook her head in amazement, looking up at Seokyu with hurt in her eyes. “Do you have any idea how hurt I was? How hurt I still am?” Jimin asked, her jaw clenched.  “I know-” “No, Seokyu, I really don’t think you do know.” Jimin took a step back, as if seeing Seokyu differently for the first time. “You left without telling any of us. You have a family here and you completely disregarded our feelings.” Seokyu nodded in understanding. “Trust me, Min, I know. I fucked up.”  “Yeah. You did.” Jimin sighed. “I’m just thankful you’re safe.” A small smirk formed on Seokyu’s lips. “Can I start making it up to you? Do you wanna come over tonight?” Jimin’s expression turned into one of guilt. She shifted her weight. “I... I can’t.”  “Oh?” Seokyu’s smile faded. “I started seeing someone.” Jimin blurted out. “Oh.” Seokyu responded again. He shouldn’t be that hurt. They were never committed to each other or exclusive. But after having a mutual crush on each other for years, he forgot that someone else could be added into this equation at any time.

The five other members must have recognized it to. With a quick glance at each other, the group sprinted towards the pub. Woodam’s pulse was rapid, pulsing in his neck.

The door to the pub flung open, and Woodam almost let out a relieved cry. On the small, dingy stage stood his lost friend. Seokyu’s hair was grown out a little, curling around his ears and the nape of his neck, clearly unstyled. He wore a well-worn button down and dirty jeans, a pair of beat up sneakers on his feet. He looked like an average guy, but his stage presence could not be dimmed. He had a bright smile on his face while he played his guitar, winking at the small group of people cluttered around him. 

When Seokyu’s gaze landed on his group mates, his fingers fumbled on the guitar, halting the song. The audience around him paused their enthusiastic head bobbing and turned their attention to where Seokyu was staring. A few gasps strangled out. Clearly, Vice was recognizable to a few.

Seokyu, without another word, hopped off the stage. He gestured to the boys shortly with a head nod in the direction of the back exit. The group hesitated, giving each other a weary look. Realizing that they had no other option, they headed towards the exit. The crowd parted to let Vice through, everyone still muttering under their breath. 

Outside, Seokyu was pacing anxiously, staring down at his feet. When the back door closed, Seokyu’s head snapped up. Woodam had hoped that when they were reunited that Seokyu would smile his warming smile and stretch his arms out for a big hug. But Woodam could see in Seokyu’s eyes the confusion and slight annoyance that his younger friend was feeling. The vocalists heart sank, dreading what conversation would be taking place next.

“How did you find me?” Seokyu asked. The sharp question took the group back a little. Then Geonwu squared his shoulders like he does when he’s about to argue.  “What do you mean, how did we find you?” Geonwu asked angrily. “We’ve been looking all over the fucking country for your dumb ass!” Seokyu furrowed his eyebrows. “I didn’t think you guys would come looking.” 

“What?” Woodam blinked. “You went missing! Did you really think we’d just let you go? We were worried sick.”  “We’re your brothers, Kyu.” Kane’s eyes looked a little glossy, like tears were forming. “What did you expect us to do?”

Seokyu ran a hand through his hair, looking back at the pub that they just came out of. “I appreciate that you guys care, really, but…” Seokyu shook his head, looking back down to the dirt. “I’m assuming you want me to come back with you guys, right?”  Another quiet spell fell over the group. What was with Seokyu? Why was he looking so disappointed? “Are you fucking serious?” Cyth asked in a deadly calm voice. “No. We just came all this way to watch you disappear again. You’re coming back with us, Seokyu. We’re not leaving you behind.” “Yeah, man, the deadline for your contract ends in 5 days and we have to be back at the company before the end of today…” Ji explained. “Do you not wanna come back?” Seokyu stayed silent. “For fucks sake, can you at least look at us?” Cyth spat.

Seokyu bit his lip, looking back up at his friends. “It’s not that I don’t want to come back. I just...  I wanted to live normally just a little bit longer.” A pink flush tinted his cheeks and ears. 

“Normally? You think performing in shitty bars and fucking psychics is normal?” Minho asked, arching an eyebrow. “You’re not living normally, you’re being reckless.” “Which I never was able to do!” Seokyu’s voice raised a little. “Ever since I was nineteen my life has been under the control of a corporation. I just... I just wanted to have a little bit of freedom to do the things that I will never be able to do again.” 

The six other men fell silent. Woodam unfortunately knew what Seokyu was talking about. The boys have never been able to do what other 20-something-year-olds do. Everything had to appear perfect and flawless for the sake of their image. Every single one of them daydreamed about normal, mundane life from time to time. But the difference was, none of them actually ran away.

“Why didn’t you tell us though?” Woodie asked, trying not to sound too selfish or hurt.  Seokyu shrugged, looking a little bashful. “I don’t know. I think I liked the idea of being completely on my own.”  “This was really fucking stupid of you, Seokyu.” Minho shook his head in disappointment.  “I know. I’m sorry.” Seokyu bowed his head in shame. 

Woodam fought back the urge to respond with ‘it’s okay’. He knew it was not. This was a big blow to the groups trust with each other. It wouldn’t be okay for a while.

The ride home was the quietest Woodie has seen the group. Not one person spoke the whole way back to Seoul. Seokyu’s posture was stiff next to him on the train, looking out the window and occasionally jumping his leg nervously. When they finally arrived at HBH Entertainment, Hak Bonghwa was waiting outside the company. When the founder saw Seokyu, he opened his arms up. 

“Welcome home, Seokyu!” He grinned, shaking the vocalist’s hand when he was closer. “I hope that you’re here to discuss your contract?” 

Seokyu nodded. “Yes, sir.” 

“Fantastic.” Hak Bonghwa wrapped a fatherly arm around Seokyu’s shoulder. “I have it ready for your review in my office. Your lawyer is already waiting inside. I’ll be up with you soon.” 

He gave Seokyu’s shoulder a squeeze before releasing him, watching him walk into the building. When Seokyu was gone, Bonghwa turned to the six men in front of him.

“Well, good work, boys. I’m glad you all made it home safely.” Bonghwa nodded. “Understand that this will be the last time an act like this happens. The lack of communication between us is dangerous and can end up with someone getting hurt. Are we in an understanding?” 

The six men nodded silently. 

“Are you giving up on him?” Kane asked defensively. squaring his shoulders.  “Seokyu’s the one that gave up on us. He’s the one that left without saying anything.” Geonwu snapped, hurt etched into his words. “Besides, I have a family to get home to.”  “Seokyu is our family.” Kane insisted, his fists balled. "I love Seokyu, but I’m starting to agree with Wu.” Cyth frowned. “I feel like this has just been one big game of cat and mouse. Clearly Seokyu is alive and well... Maybe we should just let him do what he has to do.”  “But if he misses the deadline-” Woodam started. “Then we carry on Vice without him.” Geonwu said flatly. “Of course you two are the first to give up on him.” Ji criticized. “You guys only care about yourselves.”  “I only care about myself?” Geonwu repeated incredulously. “Is that why I left my wife and child to go on cross country trip? Is that why I’m putting my career at sake?”  "We have other parts of our lives that require us to be present.” Cyth defended. “And I think we’ve all spent a little too much time on Seokyu.” 

The last comment sent the boy group into a frenzy of bickering and accusations. Minho, who has learned from experience that it’s best to just let his group mates hash it out before intervening, finally broke the argument up when Ji reeled his fist back as if he was preparing to punch Geonwu.  “Okay, okay, let’s cut this out.” Minho got between his members, extending his arms to force them apart. The voices around him quieted down, but his members still looked incredibly tense.  “We’re all sacrificing something by being here, that’s not a unique loss.” Minho reasoned. “No one’s making anyone stay. If you really want to go home, you can.” He paused, giving anyone the opportunity to drop out now, but no one moved. He knew his friends well enough to know that none of them would really give up on Seokyu. A small smile threatened to tug at his lips.  “Alright. That’s what I thought. How about we find someplace to sleep. Tomorrow we’ll find Seokyu. I promise.” 

The next morning, the boys ate their complimentary breakfast in silence. The tension from last night had carried over, the air between each member feeling fragile and stiff.  “I’ve been thinking.” Geonwu said carefully, placing his utensils down on his plate. “I know you guys don’t want to give up on Seokyu, but we should consider bringing in some extra help.” 

“What do you mean?” Ji asked, giving Geonwu a weary look.

“We should call Detective Min. Maybe with our new information, he’ll open the case up again. He’s probably more equipped to find a missing person that we are.” Geonwu reasoned. 

The other men let the suggestion sit in the air. Geonwu was right, but something about sitting back and waiting for something to happen didn’t settle right in their conscious.

Minho’s ringtone broke the silence, causing the leader to flinch back in surprise. The caller ID read ‘Hak Bonghwa’. Giving a cautious look around at the other members, Minho picked up the phone.

“Hello?” He answered.  “Minho.” The founder’s voice sounded tense. “Where are you? You haven’t been around the company in a few days.”  “Oh, you know...” Minho tried to think of an acceptable excuse. “We’re just working on some music independently. Wanted to get away from the stress of Seoul.”  “I wasn’t born yesterday, son.” Hak Bonghwa responded flatly. “You know that my support is always with you boys, but I have a company to run. Wherever you are, I want you back to the company before tomorrow night. Otherwise, I will have to cancel your comeback due to under-preparedness.” Minho swallowed thickly. “Yes, sir.” Hak Bonghwa exhaled a tired sigh. “Get back safely. See you soon.” The call ended and Minho looked around at his members. It was over. They had no choice now but to call in Detective Min and hope for the best. 

“We could take one last sweep of the city?” Woodam tried to sound soothing. “Maybe we missed something last night.” 

Even though the boys gave another good search, there was nothing. They didn’t want to interact with too many people out of the fear of being exposed by a fan. Whatever they could do to continue the search resulted in nothing.  As the sun reached it’s peak in the sky, the boys decided that it was time to pack up their things and check out of Yuso. 

As they were just blocks away from their hotel, Ji suddenly let out an exclamation of realization, slapping his palm to his forehead. The other five members turned around, halting their movement.  “What’s wrong?” Minho asked. “I know what he’s doing!” Ji yelled out, pacing in a circle, hand still over his face. “God, why didn’t I realize it sooner!” “Uh, Ji, you gonna fill us in or...?” Cyth prompted.

“This is all my fault… On New Years Eve, I told him that if there’s places he wants to visit, he should go visit them because life is too short.” Ji explained. 

“You’re a philosopher.” Geonwu mumbled sarcastically. 

“But I know where he’s going!” Ji ran his fingers through his hair. “What’s the one place Seokyu always writes down for our group vacations?”

Everyone blankly stared back at Ji. The rapper let out a disappointed sigh.

“I’ll give you a hint: his grandparents retired there not too long ago.” Joongji continues.

“Jeju?” The group responded in unison.

“Bingo.”  “That explains why he was looking at pictures of his grandmother before he left. He probably wanted to go visit her.” Minho realized.  “What if he’s not in Jeju? Then what?” Kane asked. “We don’t have to be back at the company for another twenty four hours.” Woodam reasoned. “I’d rather take this chance than miss it completely.” 

On the wall opposite to the bathroom was full of photographs of people holding up a large empty noodle bowl. He hadn’t noticed it when he was running past in a crisis, but now that the anxiety of possibly peeing himself was gone, he took a closer look at the pictures.

Most of the contestants had tear-stained faces with orangey-red sauce rimming their lips. The pictures were pretty comical, actually, but there was one face that stood out from the rest.

“No fucking way.” Kane said under his breath. Right in front of him, smiling with closed lips, was Seokyu. The owner of the restaurant had his arm around Seokyu’s shoulders like a proud father would, but Seokyu’s expression made it look like the challenge was easy. Kane took the picture off the wall, dashing back to the dining area.

“Guys! Look who’s on the wall!” Kane said excitedly, dropping the photograph in the middle of the table.

“Seokyu? He was here?” Woodam asked, his eyes wide.

The waitress came back over with their drinks, furrowing her eyebrows at the photograph. “Oh yeah, I remember him. He was in two nights ago. He wanted to try our Hell’s Bells Noodle Challenge.”

“Hell’s Bells? Like AC/DC?” Minho asked as the waitress placed their drinks down on the table.

The waitress chuckled. “You wish. If someone can get through our spicy noodle dish in under 5 minutes, they eat free. A lot of people try, but your friend here was real impressive.” She shared. “Finished in less than two minutes. He didn’t even accept the eat free coupon.”

The boy group exchanged bewildered looks with each other. Seokyu never had a huge appetite, at least not compared to the rest of them. Seokyu didn’t even like spicy food. Why would he try this challenge if he had money on him to afford food? What was he doing in Cheongju when he told Eunjoo he’d be heading to Yuso? “And you said he was here two days ago?” Cyth asked.

The waitress nodded, looking around the table curiously. “Why? Has he been ghosting you guys?”

“Something like that, yeah.” Geonwu said bitterly, taking a sip of his water.

“Ma’am, did he say anything about visiting Yuso while he was here?” Kane asked anxiously. The waitress clicked her tongue, trying to recall the night Seokyu visited the restaurant.

“You know, he had a travel guide that he left behind. I think we chucked it behind the hostess desk if you would like me to grab it?” She offered.

Kane sighed with relief. “Yes please, that would be appreciated.”

The waitress hurried off, leaving the boys alone.

“What if he’s not going to Yuso anymore?” Ji wondered aloud. “If he’s not heading there, we’re fucked. Yuso is our only lead.”

“Let’s wait and see that travel guide. Maybe we’ll get a new lead.” Minho suggested, using the tone he only uses when he wants everyone to calm down, even though he himself is freaking out.

The waitress returned with a notebook full of travel guides poking out from the pages. The boys recognized the notebook immediately. Minho had given the notebook to Seokyu after his first year anniversary with Vice. It was meant for lyric writing or choreography formation, but now it was being doubled as a folder for travel brochures.

Luckily, most of the travel guides still focused on Yuso and there were a few pamphlets on sailing. But something else caught the member’s eyes. On the page were all the brochures were still poking out were a bunch of names that weren’t familiar to Vice.

“Wait, that says Oh Eunjoo.” Kane pointed, recognizing the name of the crazed psychic they met yesterday.

“That’s my name.” The waitress frowned. She had returned with their meals, but her attention was now on the book in front of them. “I’m Lee Seunghee. Sixth name from the bottom. And below that… Kim Taewoo, that’s the owner.” “Why is he keeping a list of names?” Woodie asked aloud. No one had an answer.

“Well… Enjoy you meals!” Seunghee gave a weak smile. She dashed away, clearly put off by the fact that a random man had written her name down in a book.

“Seokyu… what the fuck is going on inside that head.” Ji shook his head, a dry chuckle escaping his lips.