#minho.dev

Seokyu realized on the eighth morning in the HBH cafeteria that they wanted him to make the first move. 

He noticed how Kane looked up from his cereal bowl at him, like he was expecting Seokyu to disappear again if he didn’t keep an eye on him. Seokyu swallowed thickly and cleared his throat. 

Spoons stopped scraping bowls. Eyes all darted to the dancer. 

“Um. Can we talk?” Seokyu asked. The other six men nodded their heads, clearly waiting for this moment. 

“You guys know I’m sorry about scaring you, right? I didn’t mean to upset you.” Seokyu looked between his friends.  “We know you didn’t, buddy.” Woodie sighed.  “Then can you stop ignoring me?” Seokyu asked, his tone a bit sharper than intended. “We’re not ignoring you because of that.” Geonwu responded with the same snippy tone. “We’re ignoring you because you clearly don’t trust us anymore.”  “So do you not want to rebuild trust or something?” Seokyu arched his eyebrows. “You think that leaving me out and treating me like a stranger would build trust between us?”  The other six men went silent. Kane suddenly seemed very invested in chasing soggy corn flakes around with his spoon.

Seokyu wet his lower lip. “I didn’t leave because of you guys, you know that, right? I left because I just wanted to do something for myself.” "But you couldn’t trust us with that? You really had to go completely off the radar?” Cyth questioned, hurt laced into every word. “I’ve already apologized for that.” Seokyu blinked.  Cyth shook his head, pushing his chair back. “You don’t get it, Kyu.” He mumbled, picking up his bowl of cereal and dumping it into the trash can. He disappeared through the cafeteria’s double doors, heading in the direction of the practice rooms.  Seokyu watched him go, trying to keep his frustration under control. What more could they want from him? 

“Sungho means that we were worried for a week straight. We risked our careers for you, left our families, girlfriends, and responsibilities all to make sure you got home safe.” Woodam explained calmly. “For you to show up and imply that you don’t trust us made us wonder... if you value us as much as we value you?”

Seokyu let the words burn into his heart and brain. This would be one of those moments that he will never forget, no matter how old he got. The moment he realized that he truly broke his friends. He caused them heartbreak and anxiety and sleepless nights. The wrongfulness of his actions started boiling in his gut. 

“I-” Seokyu couldn’t finish his words. Hot tears started bubbling up on his waterline. The guilt was too much. He ducked his head, hoping that the trainees sitting two tables away couldn’t see his tears.  “Hey, bud, don’t cry.” Minho sighed. Next to him, Ji clapped a hand over Seokyu’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, guys. I d-don’t know how many times I should s-say it but I’m s-sorry.” Seokyu blubbered, wiping his eyes. He sniffled loudly, swallowing thickly so he could speak. “And I’m not crying to like... emotionally manipulate anyone or anything. It’s just a reflex.” 

Ji let out an amused huff. “He’s still our Seokyu. Only Seokyu would worry about the mentality of the other person while he’s crying.”  “We know you’re sorry, Kyu.” Kane reached across the table to take his friend’s hand. “We just... We need time to forgive you, you know?”  “From now on we’ll try to work on forgiveness without excluding you.” Minho promised. “Things aren’t going to go ‘back to normal’ for a bit,” Geonwu stated. “But we’ll work on talking about the things that hurt us in effective ways.” Seokyu nodded, drying his eyes with his sleeve.  “And Sungho will probably be the first one to forgive you.” Woodam angled his head in the direction of the cafeteria exit. “He wants things to go back to normal just as badly.”  “And you’ve got him wrapped around your finger.” Geonwu sighed. “For a scary looking motherfucker, he’s a total softy.” 

Seokyu managed a watery chuckle. After receiving a pat on the back from his members, the five men rose and made their way out of the cafeteria. Most of the trainees and artists were starting to pack up too, heading to their first practice or lesson of the day. In the surge of talented individuals, one particular girl stood out to Seokyu.

“Hey, I’ll see you guys in the practice room. I gotta make one more apology.” Seokyu said to his members. He back tracked his steps until he fell in line with Promise’s leader, Kwon Jimin. 

“Hey, uh,” Seokyu scratched the back of his neck. “Do you have a minute before your practice starts?”

The other members of Promise took the hint right away. The four other members hurried ahead, mumbling ‘see you’s to Seokyu as they left.  Jimin gave him a weary look, as if the next words coming from Seokyu’s mouth might be a heads up on his next departure. 

“Uh, I know what I’ve done wasn’t fair. I probably scared you really bad.” Seokyu licked his lips, breaking eye contact. “But... I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry and that I will be honest with you from now on.”  Jimin pulled over to the side of the hallway, letting the trainees behind them pass. She shook her head in amazement, looking up at Seokyu with hurt in her eyes. “Do you have any idea how hurt I was? How hurt I still am?” Jimin asked, her jaw clenched.  “I know-” “No, Seokyu, I really don’t think you do know.” Jimin took a step back, as if seeing Seokyu differently for the first time. “You left without telling any of us. You have a family here and you completely disregarded our feelings.” Seokyu nodded in understanding. “Trust me, Min, I know. I fucked up.”  “Yeah. You did.” Jimin sighed. “I’m just thankful you’re safe.” A small smirk formed on Seokyu’s lips. “Can I start making it up to you? Do you wanna come over tonight?” Jimin’s expression turned into one of guilt. She shifted her weight. “I... I can’t.”  “Oh?” Seokyu’s smile faded. “I started seeing someone.” Jimin blurted out. “Oh.” Seokyu responded again. He shouldn’t be that hurt. They were never committed to each other or exclusive. But after having a mutual crush on each other for years, he forgot that someone else could be added into this equation at any time.