#sendou

After cheating, Shuto first tries to act like nothing really happened, like everything’s fine, but not because he doesn’t care or because he’s dumb enough not to understand what he did. He just genuinely doesn’t know how to properly admit he’s wrong. For several days he walks around angry and irritated, trains until exhaustion (like it’s some great way to distract himself and burn off energy), and gets pissed that you stopped texting him first (or stopped texting at all, or only reply dryly lol). And then it really hits him.

The moment he realizes you could actually leave him forever and not just “be upset for a while” (“get mad and calm down later” like some like to say, yeah), he starts showing up around you way too often. Random encounters? No. He purposely finds out through mutual friends where you’ll be. He just stands nearby like it’s accidental and waits for at least some kind of reaction to the presence of his “great persona.”

Shuto doesn’t know how to apologize beautifully. There won’t be some long speech about feelings and regret. More like a simple, dry: “I screwed up. I know.”

And that’s it. It’s not even a direct confession that he cheated, just that he “messed up.” But you can hear in his voice how hard it was for him to even say that much.

It irritates him horribly when you start treating him calmly and indifferently. He can handle anger and yelling, that’s one thing, but your indifference genuinely drives him insane and hurts more than anything else.

If he notices someone else starting to flirt with you, his possessiveness switches on instantly like he still has any right to claim you and the worst part is that he knows he doesn’t have the right to be jealous anymore, which only makes him even angrier.

He starts doing things he almost never did before: texting first, asking if you’ve eaten, whether you got home safely, how you’re feeling. Suddenly it matters to him now. It comes off awkward sometimes, occasionally dry, but he keeps doing it consistently.

During practice he becomes more aggressive than usual. Everyone notices Sendou plays like he’s on edge. Because at the same time his head is full of: “I’m an idiot” and “Why can’t you just forgive me and forget all this?”

He absolutely would not be able to handle hearing: “I don’t trust you anymore.”

That would hurt even worse than: “I don’t love you anymore.” (But you’ll say it.)

Shuto tries to prove his love through actions or at least tries to. Because for some reason only now does he start remembering all the little things about you he used to ignore. Only now does he actually start listening to you and only now does he desperately rely on the idea that “actions speak louder than words.”

And they do. They just mostly speak about his desperation.

But the main problem is that he’s terrified that if you two get back together, one day you’ll use his cheating against him during an argument. Because he knows he deserves it and because of that, there’s this constant tension inside him.

If you do give him a second chance (don’t do it), he becomes unexpectedly careful about your boundaries, to the point where it almost hurts. Like he’s constantly checking: “Are you still comfortable with me…?”

And yes, after this Shuto becomes much more jealous. Not in a controlling or restrictive way, but in silent observation. He knows way too well how easy it is to lose someone because of your own stupidity.

Sometimes in the middle of the night, he’ll suddenly pull you closer than usual and quietly mumble into your hair: “I’ll never again…” but he can’t force himself to finish the sentence.

Maybe because he’s lying.

Or maybe because even remembering it still fills him with shame.