Why do I always find myself fighting this inner battle? Why can’t I let go of my childish thoughts and my own self pitting? Why do I always find myself in the happiest situation, but lost in the middle of the desert? Is there something internal that keeps me always fighting myself? Me, this girl, the Woman that I strive to be, has found this beautifully happy place, and yet I still long for more, I still fight with myself in the strangest of moments. I just want to be free of my self pity and anger. Always knowing that there is this evil monster in me that I keep locked away. Always being this happy crazy loving person, not many know how the monster in my breaths such a hot toxic fire. I yearn for the free feeling that I use to have in my bayside house on the gulf coast of florida. I want to be the wild, free spirit that’s calling from within. Why do I hide myself, that most beautiful part of myself? Can’t I be an artist and normal too? Can’t this woman just be the magical beauty that I feel I am. I am a magical beauty, one has to be to keep such a monster trapped and locked away.Â
