I wrote a whole post about it. Then deleted it, because it’s all past shit. At the end of the fucking day that person and I are not together for reasons that are valid. It’s not a matter of what I feel I deserve, because fuck entitlement. I just genuinely want someone that’s not gonna give up on loving me and vice versa. I don’t want to feel stupid for loving someone. I want to trust that I can present the fucked up pieces of myself and not feel like I’m gonna be alone after doing so. I kept feeling like I was disposable and he was the one throwing me away every time I didn’t meet this standard. I couldn’t trust my heart and feelings with him. It wasn’t his job to protect my heart and feelings (it would have been nice though lol). I am responsible for my protection, peace, and happiness.  Regardless I was taught soooooo many things during and after that relationship that I will cherish for life, but now it’s time to move on. I want consistency, dedication, devotion, transparency, effective communication, thoughtfulness, respect, genuine love, and a rider. I know I will be those things, but I need to know that the next person is actually willing to do the same. At this point I know I’m not ready to learn a new person. I’ve been enjoying my self discovery and refinery. I got so many things to work on personally. I finally got to a point of forgiveness for myself. I don’t want to betray myself again. I don’t have time to blame anyone for shit I put myself into. I would love to remain jaded and blocked emotionally, but it doesn’t suit me. I hate how much love I have, but I know God placed that in me for a reason. He is not bad nor am I. Perhaps we were just bad for each other at the time. We had things to work on, but needed each other to reveal them. Soul mates work like that. They are your mirrors to shit you either avoid or fail to see or notice about yourself. My best friends are my soul mates, my parents are my soul mates, my ex lover was my soul mate, but now it’s time for the twin flames. My bone of bone and flesh of flesh. God made room for something new. Even if it was the same person he would have to be different, shit I would have to be different for it to work. To be honest I am in no position to want change for anybody. I can only change myself and how I move. God is assisting in ways I never knew were possible. I still have some reservation about love, but I know I’m still being worked on. Until then I’m gonna remain focused on building myself spiritually, getting this BAG, make these professional moves, and focus on strengthening my bond with God, family, and friends. Even though these stupid ass feelings still remain I’m not gonna let it stop me from living my life freely. I will be doing a disservice to myself by remaining stuck on someone who isn’t stuck on you the same way. So until next time its SKNDEEP and i’m out.