#selfindulgentnerdling

{Notes: This is my first written work that I’m sharing on this account; please be kind and understanding of any mistakes. If you have any suggestions or helpful critiques, I’d gladly take them! I hope someone enjoys reading this as much as I enjoyed writing and imagining it. Gif not mine; full credit to the original owner/creator (also huge huge thank you to them for making it because it was literally only one of two Beetee gif I could find on here).}

TW: mentions of trauma, alcohol, vaguely implied forced prostitution 

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Meeting

You were a victor for another district a few years after Beetee won his own Hunger Games.

The two of you met for the first time during your victory tour. 

You had won your game, in part, due to your charisma and likability. Of course, you also had your own skills that you brought into the games, but you had been a hit among the Capitol due to your personality and good looks, which helped to get you some sponsors. 

Beetee isn’t overly impressed by physical beauty, but he can definitely see your appeal from a strictly scientific standpoint.

Beetee wondered offhand how much of that personality of yours that Caesar Flickerman would just not shut up about was a show for the games, and he honestly assumed it was at least mostly a strategic ploy. 

Especially after watching your interviews and speeches after you had won; he reasoned that no one could be that charming, put together and resilient after everything that you had endured during your games, which had been especially rough. 

Beetee decided that at the very least he was very impressed with your acting. It was definitely acting, right?

He didn’t expect much from you in the beginning - just another victor from another district.

To Beetee’s surprise, you were quite genuine upon your first meeting. He quickly decided that it wasn’t all just an act - although some of it may have been a little bit embellished to heighten your appeal. 

And not only did Beetee find you likable, but intelligent and kind despite the hell that you had just been through.

Of course, he could see some of the telltale signs of fatigue and trauma, but only on very close observation after you met in person - you hid it very well under that disposition of yours and he found you altogether  strangely endearing.

And even more surprising to Beetee was your interest in his district and the work they do! Most victors that he had met in the past didn’t show much, if any, interested in District 3 during their visit, but you asked questions and listened carefully, genuinely wanting to learn even if the subject matter didn’t always make complete sense to you. 

The two of you went back and forth sharing interesting tidbits about the work your districts do and even comparing a couple cultural differences. 

Beetee fell so comfortably into conversing with you that it wasn’t until after you left that he realized he had accidentally hogged you for much of your short visit. The other District 3 victors were barely able to chat with you at all. (Oops)

And of course, this made Beetee think about you quite a lot. It was rare to find someone so easy to talk to even among his peers within his own district, let alone from a district with such a different background and specialty!

Beetee made quite the impression on you as well; you remembered his games and marveled at how genius the man was in and out of the arena. 

Listening to him during your short meeting left your brain buzzing and you were excited and hopeful to be able to speak with him again. 

You loved how inquisitive he was about your district and how passionate he was speaking about his own and the work that they do. 

In short, you thought Beetee’s geeky ramblings were  a d o r a b l e. 

Becoming Close

Beetee wasn’t one to be excited over the games (really who in their right mind could be?) but he did decide that being able to see you while you were both mentoring in the capitol was enough of a silver lining to help him through the horrible event each year.

Over the years, the two of you would become close friends during your visits to the capitol. 

It was the one part of the gruesome event that the two of you had to look forward to every year. 

Beetee was hesitant to show any kind of interest in you for fear of the capitol using you against him, but after everything the two of you had been through he decided that life was short and the two of you should enjoy each others company as much as possible while you could. 

The two of you are very discreet in your affections for each other - Beetee isn’t one for the dramatics or overt displays of affection anyways, but its also much safer to keep any kind of feelings for each other covert.

However, that doesn’t mean that others don’t notice the attachment between the two of you.

Beetee would make a habit of seeking you out at events, the two of you sharing information and assisting each other whenever able. 

Imagine standing in the middle of a bustling party with a glass of champagne in hand and Beetee walking up beside you and gently grazing his hand along the middle of your back to let you know that he was there.

He’d do it and then note your reaction purely for research purposes. 

You were such a fixture with each other during your time in the capitol that some of your fellow victors took notice and would occasionally tease and crack jokes about your little “love affair”.

You would lean into the teasing, playing along and teasing right back, not really minding the idea at all and knowing that the other victors never meant any of it in a mean spirited way. 

Beetee ignored the teasing for the most part, letting you handle the other victors in your own way and occasionally smirking at the clever quips you would throw back at them. 

You didn’t really know for sure if he minded (he didn’t) but it made you feel warm and fluttery knowing that he never acted upset or disgruntled at the implications of you being lovers. 

And to be clear, Beetee had definitely thought about the two of you as lovers. He’s a very smart man, and he had definitely realized that he loved you at some point over the years. 

But Beetee also couldn’t see any way that progressing your relationship in that direction would work out with the way things were. 

And a part of him doubted that you really saw him that way - all of the signs definitely pointed towards you having feeling for him too, he could read you and he knew thats what all the information he had clearly told him - but he decided it was better to simply write all those signs off as wishful thinking.

It was easier to do that than think that maybe you actually did love him when he knew that the two of you could never fully and safely be together.

Imagine it hitting him just how much he has come to love you when you congratulate him on one of his victors winning. Seeing the honest happiness you feel for him having finally helped a child from his district win, despite the pain of you having lost yet more children from your own district.

He’s subsequently reminded of these feelings for you every time you two part to go home to your respective districts - the stricture of his chest paired with the intense pang of longing to take you with him and share his home with you is palpable to the man. 

His work only benefits from this, though, since he throws himself even deeper into his projects whenever he finds himself missing you.

Trauma

Of course, being a mentor took its toll on the both of you.

Beetee was always amazed by the strength, warmth, and hope that you exhibited despite the carnage year after year.

There were times where it was too much, of course, and during those times Beetee was always there to help you through it. 

On one occasion, after losing both of your mentees, you were still expected to entertain at an event stuffed with other victors and sponsors. You didn’t see the point in being there since you had no one left to try to help, but you were still forced to at least show up. It all just became too much for you and you drank a little too much to cope. 

Beetee was forced to be there too, despite also having lost both of his mentees already that year. He had been mentoring a little longer than you had, so he was handling it a little better than you. 

When Beetee watched you swaying uneasily on your feet while walking from a buffet table, dainty little treat in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other, he beelined towards you and decided it was time to get you to bed before you got yourself into some kind of trouble.

The two of you made it to the elevator, but once inside you leaned against the wall and became a sleepy, jello-ey lump. 

Beetee isn’t exactly a man of exceptional physical strength, but with a mixture of coaxing and dragging he was able to get you as far as the couch on your designated floor. 

He sat with your head in his lap and kept an eye on you for hours in case you got sick.

You were very embarrassed the next morning, but Beetee reassured you that he understood your impulse to drink. 

“However, if the impulse to drink to that degree again does arise in the future, might I suggest taking it back to your floor? Or perhaps I should start training to be able to carry you.”

It isn’t just the trauma of watching the children of your districts suffer year after year, though.

You’re still young and considered desirable to many Capitol citizens, so like many other victors, you are forced into providing certain services. 

Whether you give in or not, the powers that be seem to decide not to use Beetee against you, either not knowing the extent of your affection for him or deciding that Beetee’s mind is too useful. You aren’t entirely sure what the reason, but you are grateful. 

Whenever this is all too much for you, Beetee is there to comfort - even going so far as to hold you, rock you soothingly and kiss the top of your head if you need it. 

It’s surprisingly instinctual for him to comfort you this way. 

He later reflected on how quickly and easily he responded to you this way. 

Beetee is far better at handling his emotions, but on the occasions that it is too much for him, he appreciates having some type of small physical touch to remind him of your presence - a hand on his shoulder or knee, your shoulders pressed against each other while you sit and watch the screens, a quick squeeze of his hand - small actions that won’t attract too much attention.

The two of you eventually become so comfortable with one another that you’re able to communicate with each other without having to say too much out loud, instead being able to read each other’s body language and read between the lines of what the other is saying without them having to outright say anything. 

75th Hunger Games

Somehow, you manage to not be selected as one of the tributes for the 75th games.

If you were selected, someone else volunteered and took your place whether you wanted them to or not.

Beetee is eternally grateful for this - he can’t imagine focusing on his mission if you were in the arena with him. 

However, Beetee isn’t an idiot. He knows you’re still in danger even without being in the arena. 

Especially since you’re also in on the plot to get Katniss out of the arena.

You resolve yourself to doing everything to make sure that not only she gets out, but Beetee and as many of your friends as possible, too. 

At the first chance you get after arriving at the training center, you sneak away to find Beetee. 

You hadn’t intended to break down and show your emotions to any degree - you had resolved to stay strong for your friends and not give President Snow or the Game Makers or anyone in the goddamned Capitol the satisfaction - but the moment you saw Beetee, you more-or-less launched yourself into his arms and barely held back your tears. 

Beetee did his best to show as little emotions as he could, for much the same reasons as you, but he also wasn’t going to miss out on any opportunity to hold you. Not anymore.

It wasn’t lost on Beetee the significance of your actions. He knows you, and he knows how strong you are and how much you care for him. 

Of course, it doesn’t really hit him until that moment that you do actually love him in the same way that he had realized long ago that he loves you, despite how much he’s tried to convince himself otherwise. 

The two of you manage to get some relative privacy and you start to tell him how you feel, but Beetee stops you and simply tells you that he knows.

And just like your actions aren’t lost on Beetee, his aren’t lost on you. 

You know that he doesn’t want you to say too much of your feelings out loud - no matter how much you want to - for your own safety. 

So you both read between the lines and you both finally know where you both stand even without stating it explicitly. 

If you thought you were both determined to save the other’s life before, neither of you were prepared for the fire that lit inside of you both after this moment. 

Suddenly you had a new sense of hope. Because if you could pull this off and escape to District 13, maybe, just maybe you could really have a chance at a future together.

I’ve been talking about sharing my writing on here for a while now, and today I decided it was time to make a separate blog to do just that!

This blog will continue to function as my main, but I’ll be posting my writing on @selfindulgentnerdling

So far I’ve posted my first imagine-style fic, and I have a few other projects in the works that I will hopefully be posting soon (universe permitting).

When I was a baby nerdling (preteens and teenage years - so so long ago!) I used to spend hours upon hours writing. It was all that I ever really wanted to do back then. Now I spend a lot of time thinking about scenarios and characters, but never actually writing any of those thoughts down. So here I am, trying to get back into the habit of writing again. It’s been years since I’ve sat down and actually written any of my story ideas out, so expect me to be a bit... rusty. Probably. Most definitely. I’m hoping that all those hours working towards that ‘ole English degree will help, though!

I’m open to reading any requests or suggestions that you may have! However, I cannot guarantee that I will write every request or heed every suggestion; I will only write what inspires me and what I feel comfortable with. At the end of the day, this blog is intended to be a space for me to write what I enjoy in a way that I like.

I will add a post soon with fandoms and possibly specific characters that I’m most comfortable writing for. 

I’m also not entirely sure of what writing style I’ll be doing. I may play around with some different styles to get an idea of what works best for me and what I enjoy. 

Also, I am not the most well-versed in tagging or how to organize a tumblr blog... like, at all. SO, if any of you lovelies have any tips or suggestions for that as well, I would appreciate anything that you are willing to share with me!