#self-questioning

mmm. hmm.

why does that always happen?

because we're too busy to pay attention.

too busy with what?

making each other up.

to pay attention to what?

the reality of each other.

why do we do that?

now there's a question. we don't have to do it.

we choose to?

mmm. hmm.

that's a scary thought. based on what motivation?

By Marshall Goldsmith, LinkedIn Pulse, July 13, 2015

The act of self-questioning--so simple, so misunderstood, so infrequently pursued--changes everything! It is a “magic move” that leads to success. It is a triggering mechanism, and its objective is to alter our behavior--for the better.

Daily questions are such an important part of my life that I do a self-questioning exercise every day and have for years. I value the process so much that I teach all of my clients this exercise in my coaching engagements and classes.

Every day I challenge myself by answering 32 questions that represent behavior that I know is important, but easy to neglect given the pressures that surround all of us today. The number 32 isn’t magic, the idea is to just ask the number of questions that seems ‘right for you’.

Each question is put on an Excel spreadsheet and is answered with a ‘yes’ (use a 1 to represent this on the spreadsheet) and ‘no’ (use a 0 on the spreadsheet) or a number. The process moves very quickly!

In my case, I have a woman call me and I read my answers to her. This helps ensure accountability.

One rule: there is no negative feedback. No matter what answer I give, she says nothing that might produce guilt. She might make positive comments that reinforce success--but this isn’t necessary.

Here are some of the questions that I ask myself. Please remember my questions reflect my values, and might not work for you. Please use these just for example and write your own.

First, I begin with six ‘active questions’ that lead to higher satisfaction with life. Each question begins with, “Did I do my best to…” The good thing about beginning these questions with “Did I do my best to…” is that it is very difficult to blame someone else for my failure. No one can be responsible for “Did I do my best to…” but me!

Did I do my best to:

Increase your happiness? Find meaning? Be engaged? Build relationships? Set clear goals? Make progress toward goal achievement?

In terms of the happiness question, my philosophy of life is simple: Be happy now. I have a great life--wonderful wife and kids, good health, love my job, and don’t have a boss. If I am not happy today, someone is screwed up, and that person is me!

In spite of all my blessings, I can still sometimes get caught up in day-to-day stress, forget how lucky I am and act like an idiot. It helps to get this daily reminder of the importance of happiness and gratitude.

Here are more of the questions that I ask myself:

How meaningful were your activities? How many minutes did you watch TV? How many hours did you sleep? How many sit-ups did you do? What is your weight? Did you say or do something nice for Lyda? Did you say or do something nice for the kids? How many alcoholic drinks did you have? How many minutes did you spend trying to change things you can’t control? How many clients are not up-to-date?

Some of my questions are about health, such as “How many sit-ups did you do?” (This works. Today I did 200 sit-ups at once. Not bad for a 66-year-old guy!)

Disciplined follow-up is the key to the success of my teaching and coaching. One question is “With how many clients are you current on your follow-up?”

My relationship questions include, “Did you say or do something nice for your wife? Your son? Your daughter?” I am certainly not a perfect husband or dad, but this process helps me get better.

Why does this process work so well?

Because it forces me to look at and live my values every day. If I believe something matters, I put it on the list and do it! If I really don’t want to do it, I can see the long string of 0s next to my daily attempts, face the reality that it isn’t going to happen, and let it go.

Imagine that a coach was going to call you every night and listen to you answer questions about your life. What questions would you want to ask yourself, every day?

Yet my original post was erased, I'll start over. Sometimes I don't flow what I want . According to my observations it links to the choice like where to go or what to eat. But I now know for sure that what I really wand is the gut pain to dissolve. And what can I do about it right now? This moment? THIS choice to be made, opportunitty to be taken. Including real rely on available resources. Like safety, support and runaway when needed.