#self-programming

Designer: Ai

"Just the algorithm is not enough. A true design needs self-awareness."

Set: Shy Confession

The sensorimotor workbook is delving into a topic I find unsettling. There's no logic to the feeling, just a tight ball of fear in my chest. A NEED to close the book and distract from the memories.

Problem: I don't find the memories that bad. Just really intrusive and repetitive. I'm invalidating the shit out of myself, I guess?

When I was 12 or 13, a TV hypnotist called Paul McKenna became popular. Wholesome family fun with hypnotized adults. I loved it and read his book, and others like it. Self directed programming worked great for me! It worked on...

Phobias (so I could basically turn off fear and do shit that should be terrifying).

Confidence (visualizations of having a huge dragon behind me keeping me safe, or being somewhere else when inescapable bad shit happened, or being someone else when I needed to in order to survive...)

Weight loss (the programming for this one still works now, 25 years later).

Anxiety (which included learning memory and emotion containment, and detachment).

And more. Triggers that forced emotional responses were a particular favorite because I so often felt like I was NOT responding to the world properly. This felt like it gave me access to the control panel for my brain. At least a little.

My therapist knows. It came up when we watched a Havening tutorial in group, by the same Paul McKenna. He uses his powers to help trauma survivors now, which is pretty great. I was... unsettled, hearing his voice again. That was the last time I even thought about it.

I can't be afraid that this stuff won't work, I know it will. Why am I so afraid of this book?

Thinking now of high-level computer languages...

Very high-level programming languages are already very similar to regular language, just much more precisely applied. If we are to make our own language into a programming language, we have to learn to be more precise. Not necessarily with our word usage, but in our thinking, Not just out thinking but our conceptions.

Cloudy conceptions lead to cloudy thinking and in turn cloudy language. This is the essence of great art - we feel the artists intent clearly. I feel it is this clarification of conception and thus Intent that is our task. Once we clear away the clutter we will be able to program the Universe more directly. Right now our programs are full of bugs and contradictions.Our character is a primary component of this programming system. It seems obvious that ethics and scruples for instance, be impeccable. But what about things like self-interest. Unless we clear up internal ambiguity in this regard, that conflict will filter into the program we are constantly writing and we will get conflicting results. Similarly with guilt, remorse, blame, etc. All these bad character issues corrupt the program.

Doubt is the big one. In a moment of inspiration when I was at school I wrote a line at the end of a poem called Errata, that read, "When we cease to doubt we will become the Universe." It has stuck with me all these years and its relevance and truth become more and more real as I explore this mystery.

The road to the elimination of doubt runs via positivity. But positivity alone isn't enough. We need to figure out what exactly it is that substantiates our positivity. Positivity to me is merely the habit we deliberately cultivate and maintain in order to keep us constantly focused on the underlying belief that justifies our positivity.

And what is that belief. It is the belief that EVERYTHING is Good. Everything! How? Everything is good for us to use as a mechanism for Enhancing our Awareness. Once we see this, then maintaining the perspective of goodness is not that hard. Everything starts to make sense, we see everything as a lesson. A lesson geared specifically toward us. Tailor made for exactly what we as individuals need.

Somewhere along the line we need to eliminate our petty wants and become supremely focused on what it is that we really really want, which is Freedom. Eliminating wants is connected to eliminating fears. It all connects to Eliminating doubt. 

Whenever we get stuck we merely need to ask: "What is it that I need to learn from this particular situation and circumstance?" Then look around, the answers and lesson are always right there.