Jun 8
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For me and Lance--
Death may seem like a scary card to come out, but it is in fact more about transformation than morbid death itself. Lance has helped me transform into the person that I am today, he has stood beside me and helped pave the way for me to become a self-accepting person. If he weren't here beside me all these years -- especially the early years -- I don't know where I'd be right now.
Thank you, sweetheart, for helping provide the space for me to transform into the person you see today. Continue to watch over me for the person that I was, am, and will become.
Been a while since I picked up one of my decks…but one of my decks culled me to shuffle and gave me something I already knew, but needed to hear—just another reminder of where I am and where I am going. There’s something…deep and scary and true and, dare I say hopeful happening here…
Five of Wands (R) - “I am tired of the fight. The struggle doesn’t serve me anymore.”
King of Cups - “I can be steady. I can be soft and strong. I am safe to feel.”
Knight of Pentacles (R) - “I’ve been trudging for so long and I may have stalled where growth is no longer possible.”
“Get moving again. Stop planting seeds in winter soil. There is a garden waiting for me elsewhere. I already know, I’ve just been waiting for permission to move. This is the sign I’ve been looking for. The time to go towards what I’ve been wanting is coming. Stop holding myself back and hindering my own growth; my own happiness; my own success and happiness. Only good things will come from cleaving through the brambles, even if it hurts.”
Sometimes I love my deck. She knows me far too well 🖤 Brutally honest, too
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Entry: 8/4/25
A Calling from My Deck
There’s something that happens when I shuffle the cards
with someone softly echoing in the background of my thoughts—
even subconsciously—
lingering like little fireflies I didn’t know were there.
Not a question.
Not a name.
Just a presence.
A weightless impression,
like a scent carried on the wind
that stays long after it should’ve vanished.
The cards this morning weren’t loud.
They didn’t shout answers
or unravel any grand mystery.
They just hummed—quietly.
There was longing,
soft but warm—
gentle and hushed…
but also restraint.
Recognition.
Curiosity.
A strange little dance between comfort and tension.
Something about possibility.
…about timing.
…about the way certain energies circle one another
before they ever collide.
I don’t want to read too much into it—
but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a soft shift inside me.
My deck has always had a way
of calling me out when I least expect it—
even when I don’t want Her to.
Today was no different.
It felt like the tiniest thread had been tugged loose
somewhere I hadn’t noticed fraying.
And I think…
I think I liked the tug.
And I wonder—
if she……
Just misread 'sexomania' as 'saxophonia', and this seems like a defining Freudian slip somehow.