#self dissociation

on dissociation from the self

One of the most crippling factors in my romantic development is the utter lack of experience I have in dealing with other people as romantic partners.  I have no paradigm or schema for how to go about forming a relationship that hasn't been learned from observation and media consumption.  I rely on my traditionally comfortable modes of learning (textual, symbolic, and mediated) and it's becoming obvious that my over-reliance on these modes greatly contributes to my inexperience and the interpersonal disconnect I have always had problems bridging without obscene amounts of time spent coming to know someone before I become truly comfortable with him or her.  I'm trying to gain understanding of a concept through a culturally symbolic lens or from first-person accounts and observation, but romance and human engagement are more about direct experience, receptivity, and getting one's hands metaphorically dirty and just seeing what works.  It's experimentation, and I tend to skew heavily toward interpretation and reflection on the witnessed experiments of others.  I'm trying to learn rationally something I know must be intuitive if it's to truly work for me.