#self define

So today someone posted a picture on Facebook of a very fit woman, with very toned abs and basically every other muscle she owned. No, she may not have looked like the stereotypical "model" that we see in magazines, but she was smiling in these photos, obviously happy with herself and with where her determination and body has gotten her.

However, there were so many people (like, 20+) that kept commenting on how ugly she was, or how disgusting or unappealing, and it really upset me. 

Why do people care so much about what others look like? The only body you should care about is yours, right? 

I just don't understand society's obsession with looks and the standard of "beauty". Beauty is self-defined and it really upsets me that not many people realize this. 

What will people say when I get piercings, tattoos, and dye my entire hair a different color? 

I recently started wearing eyeliner to school. Nothing too dramatic or severe--I just like feeling as though I have something exciting to do after school, even when all I do is write essays and watch youtube videos. Plus, I think it makes me look (at least marginally) nicer. 

But to the people in my history class, the sole reason a female can wear makeup in a co-ed environment is to impress men. I am taking American Women's History this semester, which, for the few days I have had the class, has been fascinating. In the class thus far, the question we have pondered and deconstructed the most has been: who defines the role of women? 

"Men do," is the argument heard most frequently. And I can at least agree with that if we are asking the question through a historical lens. However, somehow, despite the fact that it is a history course, we always manage to find ourselves contemplating and debating the role of modern women. And the majority of my class--females and males alike--holds the belief that it is impossible for a girl to wear makeup, or a pretty dress, or tight clothing, or anything physical at all, really, without doing it to impress a man. According to them, since men have defined the standards of beauty for so long, those standards have become inescapable and their influence over women has become insurmountable. Women are bound to succumb to the pressures and that is the only reason she could possibly want to wear makeup to school. 

Wrong. At first, I was highly self-conscious, thinking that suddenly everyone was judging me for my choice to wear eyeliner to school. But it was exactly that--MY choice. As I looked around the room, I realized that I did not care whether or not the boys in my class found me attractive, or whether or not anyone believed that I was 'trying too hard' to fit the archetype of a pretty girl. I felt good about the way that I looked, but even more than that, I felt proud. Proud because, for me, this was one of the first active steps I have taken in defining myself and what it means for me to be a woman, rather than allowing men, or authority figures, or even societal norms dictate that for me. 

eating salty crispy smaller meals, sometime spicy.

put some songs on and turn the volume up.

wrinkle the forehead and say dirty curse.

bunch my own hair.

throw, hit, kick or break something.

get the cell phone and tell the friends.

silence and settle every resentment inside.