#self cest

~.~.~

"Remind me why this is a good idea again?" Leon sighs as he leans to look past your shoulder at the screen, squinting his eyes in suspicion.

"Honestly, it might not be, but it's too late to back out now anyway," you retort teasingly, leaning back in your desk chair.

You're both staring at the computer screen with a mix of excitement and horror—definitely more horror on his end—as you read the order confirmation email on the screen.

— — — — — — — — —

Subject: Order Confirmation #K073177

Thank you for choosing Radames Labs! We have received your request and your order is being processed.

Order Summary:

Item: Temporary Male Clone

DNA Sample: Received and verified

Quantity: 1 Duplicate

Activation Window: 12 hours from initial deployment

What happens next:

1. Your DNA sample is currently being sequenced.

2. Your clone will enter rapid-growth incubation shortly.

3. You will receive a notification once your clone has shipped from your nearest facility and is out for deployment.

Estimated Delivery:

Please allow 1–3 business days for sequencing and shipping to be completed.

Important:

The clone will be aware of its nature and it will have the same memories of the original DNA holder up until the time of sample collection.

In order to tell the original apart from clone copies, please look for the barcode printed on the clone's nape matching your user account number.

At the end of the activation window, clones will undergo standardized biological decommissioning.

For best results, please keep the clone hydrated and avoid exposure to extreme stress during the activation window.

You can view your order status or manage your clone at any time in Your Orders.

Trouble with your order? Please contact customer service for any questions.

— Radames Bioengineering Labs Team

Innovations for your holy body.

— — — — — — — — —

"Jesus, they print them out quick. I would've expected at least a week," Leon mutters, a frown apparent on his face.

"I think it's because we live close to one of their labs," you shrug, "we'll see if it gets here as fast as they claim."

He sighs again before straightening up, "I can't believe I agreed to do this."

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun! Plus, it's just for 12 hours before it deactivates,"

"What does that even mean? Does it just fucking die?" he scoffs as he makes his way to the bed, stepping out of his sweatpants in the process.

You turn off the computer and stand off the chair to join him on the opposite side, "well, on the website it says that it'll sort of just turn into dust and disappear?"

Leon rolls his eyes before peeling back the covers to settle in bed, "and I thought I'd seen everything."

You lay on your side of the bed, shifting to get comfortable, "the point is, it's temporary. It's not like we've signed up for some throuple situation. It, or should I say he, will come hang out for half a day and then disappear to never be seen again. That's all."

"Hang out my ass," he quips with another scoff before reaching to pull you closer and bury his face in your neck, making you giggle. "This is what I get for marrying a sexy little freak. And fine, we can 'hang out' with it—or him—or whatever the fuck—but I swear to God, honey, if you end up liking him more than me I will shoot the bastard. Deactivation or not."

You grin, happy to see him come around, and then pinch his arm playfully, "so that's what the pouting is all about. You're just getting jealous. Already."

"Pfft... Yeah, fine. And what about it? Can you blame me for worrying that some asshole—clone or not—might come around to whisk my little wife away from me?" he grumbles against your neck, his grip tightening a bit more around you.

"Right... And I'm assuming I've suffered extensive brain damage in this imaginary scenario because apparently I can't make my own decisions?"

"That's not what I said!"

"Then what are you saying? Because all I know is that I married you, and I'm not about to run off into the arms of another man, even if he looks and sounds exactly you," you gently grab his head to tilt his face to look at you, "there's only one Leon Kennedy in the world for me and he's currently in my arms."

Leon gives you a small smile and leans to rest his forehead against yours, closing his eyes, "I just worry that one day you'll grow sick of me and all of my, uh... baggage."

You exhale sharply through your nose and grip his face a bit tighter, "baby, I want your baggage, because I sure as hell know I have mine too. I want every part of you, Leon."

You take in his vulnerable expression for a moment before adding in a lighter tone, "I mean, fuck, I just ordered a copy of you just so I can have two of you for a day. If that doesn't tell you how much I like you then I don't know what does."

His expression brightens and he chuckles softly, "yeah, alright I get it, you like me. Jeez," he teases.

Your smile widens before softening again, "and remember if at any point you don't wanna do this or you wanna stop midway through, we immediately stop, and I'm not gonna be upset at you for that, okay?"

He sighs in contentment, and you think to yourself that if he was an emoji he'd have hearts in place of his eyes, "okay."

He leans in to place a slow, gentle kiss on your lips before pulling back just to murmur, "I love you."

"I love you, Leon," you whisper back with a smile.

~.~.~.~

The next morning you wake up before Leon—a rare occurrence—and after freshening up, you decide to make him some breakfast on this lazy Sunday morning.

Thirty minutes later, while you're in the middle of cracking eggs into a bowl, you hear the light padding of bare feet on hardwood flooring and you turn to see a yawning, disheveled mess of a husband with the worst case of bed hair you'd seen on him in a while. He scratches his stomach lazily with a hand under his cotton tshirt, allowing you to catch a glimpse of his abs, before he walks up behind you and wraps his arms around your midsection, resting his chin on your shoulder.

"'Morning," he mumbles, voice groggy, eyes closing sleepily.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," you smile, planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Why're you up so early?" he keeps his eyes closed, frowning slightly.

"I don't know, I just kind of woke up and felt like being out of bed before you for once," you chuckle, turning your attention back to the bowl of eggs, picking up a fork to start whisking.

"Hmph... And you're making breakfast," he grumbles almost accusingly.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, I just wanted to cuddle first..."

You're about to answer with some teasing remark about his clinginess whenever he's sleepy, when the sound of the doorbell interrupts your thoughts.

Leon's eyes open slowly, "did you instacart at 7 in the morning?"

"No, but maybe it's a package? Though, I don't remember ordering anything recently. Plus, I always ask them to just leave stuff at the door," you pause, trying to remember any recent online shopping you may have inadvertently done when something comes to mind, "unless..."

"Unless?" he raises a quizzical eyebrow.

You set the fork down and wipe your hands in a paper towel before grabbing your phone off the counter. As soon as you unlock it a notification dings:

'Radames Labs: your order is here! Good news! Your order arrived earlier than expected, meet your clone at your door!'

Leon, who had peaked over your shoulder to see what you're doing, immediately stiffens, his eyes growing comically wide, "he's here?"

"Uh, seems like it?" you chuckle nervously.

Another ring at the doorbell has you pocketing your phone as you prepare to go open the door, but a hand around your wrist stops you.

"Wait, let me get dressed first!" he gestures to his bottom half clad only in boxer briefs.

"Honey, I'm pretty sure your clone, which is basically you, doesn't care if you're in your underwear—"

"It's the principle," he retorts instantly, "I can't have him first see me like this if i plan on having any kind of authority over him."

"Authority?" you ask skeptically, an amused smile spreading on your face.

"Yes, authority," he grumbles before pulling you behind him towards the bedroom.

"What are you—babe, we're not just gonna let him wait out there. You can get dressed while I go open the door?" you look at him in confusion.

Your comment is met by a sharp incredulous laugh, "and have you meet him alone without me? Seriously? Yeah, no fucking way."

He doesn't let you answer before he's already shutting the bedroom door behind you both and striding to the dresser. You cross your arms and watch as he picks out an outfit, clearly putting in way more thought into this than he'd like to let on, "babe..."

He starts stepping into a pair of jeans, "what?" he answers without turning.

"We don't have to do this... I can go on the app right now and cancel it and he'll leave."

Leon pauses in the middle of zipping up, "I never said anything about canceling. I just want to look put together before letting him inside, that's all," he answers a bit roughly, his still groggy voice making him sound more upset than he intends.

"Yeah, but you're... I don't know, you look like you're getting a bit nervous, and I don't wanna do this if you're not comfortable with it," you fiddle with the hem of your shirt anxiously.

He exhales, "baby, stop. If I didn't want this, I wouldn't have payed for it," his tone is reassuring as he reaches for a long sleeved top that he puts on quickly in place of the cotton tshirt, "plus, he can wait for five more minutes if I'm about to let him share my wife."

You sigh in defeat and wait for him to finish fixing his hair and brushing his teeth, while the doorbell rings yet another time, making you grow extra nervous at coming off rude to the 'guest'.

After what feels like an eternity, Leon at last announces he's ready and grabs your hand to walk you both out of the bedroom and down to the frontdoor.

You take in a shaky breath, feeling more nervous by the second and noticing that he's just as tense.

"Let me do the talking first," he mutters before finally, finally, opening the door.

The clone, who got tired of waiting, is leaning against the wall, company issued phone in hand, looking utterly bored as he mindlessly scrolls the screen. When the door opens, his attention snaps to the movement, standing up a bit straighter and adjusting his grey sweat set adorned with the orange 'Ramades Labs' logo on the left breast of his top.

"Took you long enough," he grumbles, looking between you both.

"Holy fuck..." you mutter under your breath as your brain short circuits, taking in the sight of the carbon copy of Leon, from the color of his eyes, to the timber of his voice, to the width of his shoulders, to the very mole on his neck. He's a perfect replica.

Leon, who's brain is bugging just as much as yours, quickly regains his composer when he remembers his mission: asserting dominance.

"We were busy. And no one told us you'd show up earlier than soccer moms on Black Friday 2006," he answers with a condescending smirk, proud of his little quip.

"What can I say, I like to make an entrance," the clone responds with the same mocking tone before he turns his attention to you with a flirty grin, "I expected you to still be sleeping, though. But good thing you're up, beautiful, it feels like i haven't seen you in ages. Getting cloned is trippy, I missed you, sweetheart," he steps closer, making your heart race.

"Oh, uh, I just woke up early today, I guess..." you answer nervously, feeling like an idiot when your face grows hot.

Leon's hold on your hand tightens before he forces himself to relax, "whatever, just come in," he tells the clone before turning around and pulling you with him, not caring one bit for hosting manners.

Leon's replica follows behind and shuts the door, removing his shoes just like Leon always does, before sniffing the air, "smells good. Were you cooking something, babe?" he asks you with that same flirty smile.

Leon rolls his eyes, "yeah, for me."

You clear your throat and let go of his hand to walk up to the kitchen counter where you had left off your breakfast preparations, "you're probably smelling the french toast. I was just about to make some eggs to go with it, and then we can all eat."

"Can't wait," the clone smiles wide, giving you a wink.

Leon, on the other hand, feels his left eye twitch, and he curses under his breath before turning to his copy, "alright, Romeo, sit down, we need to talk this out," he gestures to the kitchen stools.

They both sit, their mannerisms uncanny in their resemblance as you start cooking the scrambled eggs, stealing glances at them every so often as your brain still struggles to process that there's two of him now.

Leon eyes up the clone, his jaw tight, "first of all, I'm in charge. You don't do anything, especially not to her, without my permission."

The duplicate rests his chin in his hand, elbow on the kitchen island, looking every bit relaxed, "well, actually, she's in charge. I'd know. I'm you," he comments with a lazy grin.

You can't help but snicker at the comment, and Leon immediately shoots you a glare before turning his attention back to his double, "look here, buddy, you're here for a good time, not a long time, so unless you want us to cut this meeting even shorter, you'll do as I say and not cause us a headache."

The clone rolls his eyes, "yeah, whatever you say, old man. At least I don't have to be careful with my back every step I take."

Leon frowns even more, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"You didn't read the fine print, did you?" the duplicate chuckles, eyes lighting up with mischief, "you see, my freshly made body didn't have to go through all the bullshit you've been put under. I don't have back problems, my shoulder doesn't hurt if I move wrong, and unlike you, I haven't been an insomniac for years."

You notice the tension in Leon's demeanor increase tenfold, "so what, you're trying to insinuate you're a better version of me?"

The clone grins wider, "I mean, I didn't say that... You could just say I'm the improved upgrade. Like if I'm the remaster, you'd be the demo version, probably. But yeah, I guess that does make me better."

You interject before Leon says—or does—something rash by placing between them with a thud the food you kindly prepared, "time to eat, you two can argue later."

"Did you know about this?" Leon asks you, annoyance clear in his voice.

You move around the kitchen island to sit in the stool between them, hoping you can serve as a peace barrier before answering, "Uh, yeah? I don't see how it matters, though."

"It matters to me," he retorts, his grip tightening on the fork you hand him.

The clone picks up a plate from the tray and starts eating, completely uncaring of Leon's existential crisis, "this is so good. Thanks for breakfast, babe," he leans in to kiss your left cheek mischievously, making you sputter on your coffee at the feel of the familiar yet oddly foreign touch.

"Hey!" Leon glares at him over your head and places a possessive hand on your thigh, "I didn't say you could touch her yet."

You sigh in exasperation while the duplicate laughs, and you already know this is about to be a very long day.

"Can we please just eat in silence? Seriously," you whine and both of them are reluctant to agree, but for vastly different reasons.

You finish eating breakfast quietly, and once done, the clone clears the dishes without a word, moving to place them in the dishwasher. Though, you do notice the little smirk on his lips.

Leon scoffs under his breath and makes a show out of wiping the counter, putting in a bit more force than necessary.

At the sight of them both working in the kitchen, you can't help but smile fondly, "you know, I could get used to this."

"Yeah? You like seeing two of me slaving around for you?" Leon raises a teasing eyebrow, some of his tension dissipating at the sight of your smile

"Well, I wouldn't say no to an extra pair of hands," you grin and immediately catch the replica's smirk widening.

"Amen to that," the latter wipes his hands in a kitchen towel, walking around the island to stride over to you, catching you off guard.

But before he can reach you, Leon also strides over, a bit faster, and manages to yank you closer first, an arm wrapped securely around your waist, "what do you think you're doing?" he glares at his double.

The other Leon grins and continues to slowly walk closer, "getting the party started. You said it yourself, I'm here for a good time, not a long time," he reaches a hand to hold yours, brushing his thumb over your knuckles as he looks down at you, "if the wifey's okay with it, of course. This was your idea after all, right?"

You swallow hard, suddenly feeling heat course through your body and pool in your gut, "um, yeah... My idea."