Şekerli
It’s almost been a month since I first walked off a plane and into my new life in Turkey, eagerly & nervously beginning this next chapter of my life - honestly a bit upset that I had followed through with this plan. Paddy and I just got engaged before I moved, and my heart longed to stay in the U.K. to plan our wedding and enjoy the immense bliss we have both been feeling since that day. I was, of course, excited to experience something different and new, but I was more anxious than anything to get my “life” started - to get married, settle in the U.K., find a permanent job, etc. I have been longing for the future, ready to start the life I have been dreaming about since meeting Paddy. I have been contemplating an escape plan, trying to come up with different ways of providing for myself so that I wouldn’t have to stay in Izmir. It turns out that the universe does not see me a fit candidate to be an online customer support representative OR a full-time online English language tutor (the “great white whale” of the English teaching community). Because I can’t seem to find suitable work, it looks like I’ll be teaching in Turkey for the time being.
I know that this feeling is all to normal and to be expected when moving abroad - it is something that I feel more frequently than I like to admit. I really like the image I have attached myself to: the woman unafraid to move and venture around the world. I like being told that I’m brave and interesting, and that I lead a life that either really excites or somewhat terrifies people. That adventurous side of me is still a big part of me, but I've realized that there is another version of me that is longing for stability. I miss Paddy. I miss my friends. I miss my family. And I have been struggling to truly connect with people, as making friends seems to get more difficult and something I just don’t want to do the older I get.
There’s been a slow and steady change, however. I am starting to feel more at home in Izmir. The cloud of longing and regret is starting to lift, and I feel myself molding into life here. I am experiencing tiny victories that are starting to show me that I can belong here. Although I have been told that I am clearly American when I speak Turkish, I can order my preferred filtered coffee (”bir tane sütlü kahve”). I also know how I like to drink Turkish coffee (“şekerli”). I can (sort of) count to ten, which makes it easier to understand prices and to buy things at a store. I can orient myself around different neighborhoods without WiFi or a map. I drink more Turkish tea than coffee, making me feel more like a local, as Turks are honestly 90 percent tea. These “wins” are encouraging and remind me of why I decided to do this in the first place - to challenge myself, to be uncomfortable, and to follow a dream.
I am eager to see what this next month holds for me, counting down the days until I see Paddy again (December 15th!). I am thankful for where I am at in my life, and I am trying to appreciate every day. I just finished reading Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin, and she appropriately notes that “the days are long, but the years are short.” Although I still want this year to pass by quickly, my new outlook on being here is encouraging me to enjoy this time to it’s fullest.










