Jerry: The Ick?

Elaine: What the hell is The Ick?

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Imagen @Seinfeld2000's Greatest Noisey Hits

Have you ever wondered what the popular television show Seinfeld might be like today if it hadn't been canceled by NBC in 1998 due to poor ratings? Would Jary Senfend be a 60-year-old, Google Glass-wearing sex addict whose girlfriend give birth to dragons in the middle of their dates? Would Garge go to prison for killing a man, date an Emoji, and incessantly punctuate the end of his sentences with the word "BABY"? Would Elane be the editor of BuzzFeed Books and do the little kicks dance at Don Draper's birthday party? Would Kramdar wear harem pants, sport a single gray dreadlock, and do parkour while yelling the n-word, or would he just put all his money in Bitcoin and star in The Assman, a new film by Lars Von Trier? These are the questions that keep us up at night, and we're lucky to have frequent Noisey contributor @Seinfeld2000, who dilligently imagens the answers for us.

Over the weekend, @Seinfeld2000 was profiled in the New York Times and it was revealed that Seinfeld—real name Jason Richards—had produced a video game called The Junior Mint, which finds Jary and Krame trying to throw a Junior Mint into a human body that's undergoing surgery, in a play on the Seinfeld episode "The Junior Mint." The game is a completely incredible waste of 30 or so minutes, a meditation upon the central question of, "Can I make this Junior Mint hit bounce off George Costanza into a gaping hole in a surgery patient?"

While reading the profile, we realized that the piece linked to @Seinfeld2000's work for Noisey not one, not two, but three times. Typical NYT, playing catch-up to the real papers of record who are busy imagening what it'd be like if Senfield was still on TV today. Anyways, because we love @Seinfeld2000 and always will, we put together a quick list of his greatest and best articles for the venerable Noisey Dot Com.