#seethroughfic

“Hey,” Hyunwoo says, putting his mug on the coffee table. “You haven’t been outside in a bit, are you alright?”

“As good as I can be,” Hyungwon replies, “I’m just hanging on, trying to move on.” He puts his feet up on the couch, putting his head in Hyunwoo’s lap. “It stings, but I knew it would.”

Tears. Hyunwoo could see the glistening of Hyungwon’s eyes and knows he’s about to cry.

“Well, I’m here for you if you need it,” Hyunwoo says, running his fingers through Hyungwon’s hair. “We all are. Even Changkyun, who vomits at the mention of serious relationships.”

“I know.”

+

To say that Hyungwon hadn’t been coping well is a bit of an understatement.

Not coping well was too kind of an assessment, but it’s all any single one of his friends will ever tell him.

Seokwon says to Minkyun, “Hyungwon ’s been looking a little…rough,” while Yoonho says to Kwangji, “I’ve never seen Hyungwon  like this,” and Yoosu says to Gunhee, “Do you know what’s wrong?”

It’s different ways to say the same thing. Every single one of them.

Hyungwon doesn’t want to hear it from any of them, so he excuses himself from the table, as the waiter comes around to ask what they would like to drink and goes somewhere where he can be alone for a bit.

+

Jooheon > Hyungwon  23:00

Yo, where did you go?

Hyunwoo went to go pick you up and said you weren’t there

Hyungwon  23:05  

Home.

Jooheon 23:10

To your apartment with Heejin?

Hyungwon  23:20

No.

Jooheon 23:25

Then where?

Hyungwon  23:30

By the old park.

The abandoned one.  

Jooheon 23:35

Give me five minutes. I’ll be there.

Don’t do anything stupid Hyungwon

Hyungwon  23:40

Just don’t bring anyone else

I don’t want them to see me like this

Jooheon 23:45

Yeah

He’s relieved when he sees Jooheon a few moments later, in an oversized jacket and some black ripped jeans, walking over to him with what looks to be hot chocolate and some cookies.

“What are you doing here, hyung?”

“I don’t know.”

“Whatever it is you’re feeling, you know you have me, right?”

“I know.”

Jooheon sits right beside him on that old wooden bench and Hyungwon lays his head on his shoulder.

“Thanks, Jooheon.” Hyungwon sighs, "Thanks for being an amazing friend."

“No problem.”

When Hyungwon rearranges himself, he does so only to accept the hug that Jooheon had been trying to give him. Nothing more.

+

He lied.

There was more.

Hyungwon  hasn’t cried in such a long time, but being in Jooheon’s arms reminds him for a moment that this is a vulnerable time for him and that he didn’t need to be afraid.

So, he cries with Jooheon’s arms holding him tight.

+

“Come hang out with us,” Hyunwoo asks, “It doesn’t do you well to stay locked in your room all day.”

Let’s establish two things, shall we?

One: Hyungwon  has moved back in with Hyunwoo, Jooheon and Changkyun, who graciously accepted him back once they learn the situation in full. Hyungwon  didn’t even know where to begin to talk about every single emotion he’s feeling, but luckily Jooheon was there to help him explain it all in a less garbled and confusing way.

Two: Moving back in with Hyunwoo, Jooheon and Changkyun means he needs to get his stuff back from Heejin’s place, which stings. It’s been two months and a half of not seeing her, trying not to think of her and then bam.

He’s going to have to face her and all of his feelings bottled up from two and a half months.

Let’s get back to the story, though.

Hyunwoo asks when they’re out getting groceries with Changkyun, who’s left them to make countless rounds for samples—ever since the Park Incident, Jooheon had been more than cautious with him. There was no intense pushing or prodding, which Hyungwon was thankful for, but Jooheon was essentially watching Hyungwon turn into a recluse.

Which wasn’t good for him, either. He didn’t say a word of it to Hyunwoo though, which he’s grateful to Jooheon for, but when Hyunwoo asks Hyungwon is a little too apprehensive on the sudden reason.

“Who is ‘we’?” Hyungwon asks, partially due to fear.

It sucks royal ass when you run in the same circle as the same person who took the heart out of your chest and squashes it like a bug.

“It’s not everyone,” Hyunwoo tacks on. It’s like he can sense Hyungwon ’s worries and fears, “It’s most likely going to be you, me, Jooheon, and—”

“And me!” Changkyun exclaims cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk to hold what little food he had to chew on.

“And him, yep.” Hyunwoo gets the ingredients and recipe card from the sample lady, bowing slightly at her. “We’re just gonna hang out.”

“Maybe we’ll go to that strip club Jooheon talks about all the time,” Changkyun cackles, “Make it a total sausage fest.”

“Sure.” Hyungwon places a case of beer into the cart. “I’ll go. There’s no use in hiding anymore, right?”

+

Wrong.

Hyungwon should’ve stayed hidden.

First of all, it ends up being a lot more than just him, Hyunwoo, Changkyun, and Jooheon. Minkyun and his new girlfriend show up, flaunting their newfound happiness in his face. Yoonho is trying to hit on guys and get people to buy him drinks with this charm and Jooheon and Gunhee? Forget about it, Gunhee is probably railing Jooheon in the bathroom at this exact moment.

Then, there was Minhyuk.

Minhyuk shows up and Hyungwon wants to hide even more because great—another person he has to explain everything to. Another person he’s going to have to rip his emotional wound right open for to get him in the know.  Another person who’ll pity him even when he clearly does not want that.

Minhyuk is another person who's put him through the exact same thing.

Minhyuk and Hoseok are dancing it up, basically grinding on one another, and Hyungwon notes how this isn’t his scene. There are too many girls wearing body glimmer that catches in the light, too much sweat and spit dripping onto the dance floor, and too many shots in brightly colored glasses being ordered from bartenders.  

This isn’t Hyungwon’s scene. This isn’t the place you just hang out in, the place where you play billiards and order lackluster food, and just hang out.

This is the place you go knowing all your friends are single, or in complicated relationships that they need to get away from.

“Can I have another rum and coke, please?” Hyungwon asks the bartender—Hyolyn, he thinks her name was—after setting his glass on the table.