#second parent adoption

Today I started my internship by reading an Op-Ed piece written by the executive director of the organization, Family Equality Council. As i continued on, I was interested what others had to say about the piece so i started reading the comments below. 

I was nearly brought to tears by the rude comments that others had. I will never understand why someone would purposely seek out these pieces to just rip these people apart. One comment that really stuck out to me was when someone stated that the writer should be hung.

I can not believe that I live in a word with such hate for people that identify as LGBTQ. If you want to take a look at the op-ed piece here's the link, but I warn you not to look at the comments of the readers.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"

also looking at second parent adoption in the US.

today i received one of the four books i've recently ordered:

and while this one is for both of us, it really is mostly for me.

mind you, i'm just in the introduction of this book and i'm already fascinated, alienated, proud, and eager. as i'm reading, my own history as a queer person is bonding with the history of the glbtq movement over the last thirty or so years - with my first ten years of being an out and proud queer being an activist for visibility and rights of my community.

and now here i am pregnant, by accident, and dating a cis-gendered to-the-outside-world-straight-identifying male. we have no plans to get married, but by the de facto biology of our parts we are this baby's parents. the state can't take those rights away. so much privilege rests on me as i'm realizing what i'm going through because of who i'm dating at the moment.

i identify as genderqueer, i prefer a pronoun most people stumble over. i want queer community for myself as a pregnant person, for myself as a queer parent and for our child to have community as a queer spawn. (google tobi hill-meyer for more information about this awesome term that she introduced me to) i can't speak for nhp if he is going to want community in that way, but i would love for him to be a part of this with me and our child. my queerness is permanent.

if i were to still be in a relationship with someone that didn't produce the sperm to my eggs, and we wanted children, we would have so many other situations that we would have to prepare ourselves for that nhp and i just get to walk on through. our relationship and status as parents-to-be is socially acceptable and nowhere to be found on outlaw radar.

this i am not used to, since i have always been in relationships with another outwardly queer person, and we were always a blip on the outskirts of mainstream society's radar. fuck that, obviously i still am, and we are, but let's keep this to glbtq - not kink or poly or any of that. i feel that i'm assimilating into more privilege that i haven't really earned, nor do i want.

in my quest to find queer parents community as my pregnancy progresses, and once the baby is born, i hope that i'm welcomed for who i am, who we are, and not who my partner is or isn't. that we are able to bond over the many other aspects of parenthood and childhood and being a family.

now, as to what i have earned:

a transfer at my place of employment. i've not really been able to keep up in my department because the job is just becoming too much for me. i haven't been feeling well for the better part of the last few weeks and it's becoming clear to everyone at work that it's likely due to how physical my job is. my body has felt worse in the afternoons and that's when my current position is busiest. i haven't wanted to let anyone down, so i've pushed myself in the mornings to keep up so i don't have to get a second person to help me as often, but that's been running me down to the point that i've had to leave early because i'm exhausted or just dealing with my body's own version of morning sickness.

in our meeting today, my managers and i thought if we transfer me to a less demanding position, i'll probably be able to keep working a full eight hour day and keep up with the demands of that new position. in order for me to get that transfer, we would have to transfer one co-worker from receiving to shipping, and one co-worker from order filling to receiving. (the co-worker in receiving is already trained in shipping making that transfer an easy one, and the co-worker in order filling is a veteran who knows the warehouse and can easily keep up with receiving/stocking.)

that's how much my company wants me to stay through my pregnancy, and keep working as much as possible. i really do feel valued where i'm working in that they are willing to move around my co-workers, and my co-workers are willing to move around!, in order to accommodate me and my limitations. the other women who have been with this company and been pregnant while working, did not work in my department and never had the physical strain that my job has on me. this is all new for everyone.

regardless of the fact that i am a great worker, and have earned the respect of the people in my company to keep me on and make these adjustments, i know that with this is also privilege. i am fortunate to be able to keep my job, while other people who become pregnant are not.