#secile

Yes, headmates have their basic rights and needs to be treated equally, but how you meet needs and define rights will depend on how your plurality actually functions.

This is a bit of advice I (Thorn) have learned through one of my headmates today, that I'd like to spread into the community!

So, don't get me wrong. I genuinely believe the plural community (the uh.. non-anti-endo side) is really great at reminding its members that all forms of plurality exist and that there's technically no right or wrong way to be plural, so long as you treat your system members as equals and provide them their basic rights.

I am the original body owner of my collective. That alone is something definitely not every system has. It automatically sort of makes me the host within this physical world, while Dimitri naturally takes the lead in headspace.

Throughout the years I've learned that in order to give headmates what they deserve and conform to their rights: they should be allowed to use the body as much as they want, or be allowed to be around (projected or just co-con) as much as they want to be. My life needs to be shared as much as they want.

I've noticed overtime that I'd start feeling guilty if my life or energy didn't allow for this to happen. Not in the sense that I'm doing something wrong with my responsibility as a host, but rather that I worry I might veer into neglectful territory if I accidentally block out a headmate one too many times.

Now, today I had a really interesting in-depth talk with my headmate Secile about our collective, and this specific topic. I told her about the guilt, and to my surprise, she didn't understand why I would feel guilty in the first place.

Because the truth is, this is not her main world. Our headspace is SO detailed that she considers it her real, physical world. So going here, in this physical world, automatically becomes more of a visit rather than an actual "right to be here".

She said quote:

"I can borrow your body, but I don't borrow your existence."

She also told me:

"You don't owe us anything."

That hit hard.

I realized that my collective is shaped in such a way that my world and headspace are equal. Applying the structures I've picked up from our community simply does not fit our internal architecture: To us, headspace it's so real that it doesn't feel like I created it, but rather as if I built a bridge to a different universe.

That idea really helps to shape how our plurality works, and it explains why our physical-world access doesn’t carry the same ethical weight as it might in some systems. It means I can let go of some responsibilities other system hosts may sometimes be more concerned with.

So my advice to other systems is not to push your plurality into something that is "expected" by the community. Yes, it's true that your headmates should not be neglected, but how you can provide headmates their basic rights and needs will also depend on how your plurality functions.

Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is stop holding yourself to rules that were never meant for your internal architecture.

I thank Secile for teaching me that.

We see Tumblr being riddled with system members that take pride in their sources, whether fictive or factive. To those I say, hell yeah! I'm glad you feel comfortable telling people about it so openly.

For us, however, we're collective of 5, of which 3 are fogtive (factive, but the headmate is separated enough from the source to not identify with them), and we do not disclose any of their sources. I wanted to ramble a little about why that is.

First and foremost, the fact that three of my headmates are fogtives, and not solid factives, makes a big difference. The only real similarity between my headmates and their sources is their appearance and voices (mostly). Even in appearance, the headmates have evolved away from the source overtime (especially Dimitri). So we kind of feel like naming the sources won't do much. They will only create associations that aren't even accurate anymore. Instead, we prefer for people to get to know our headmates for who they are. We understand, however, that for those who have sources they identify with, this is a much different case.

Second, we'll be honest, the sources are a little embarrassing. And if there's anything we've learned from the plural community, it's not to be embarrassed about the sources in your system. But this isn't about another Hazbin Hotel character (no offense lol), this is like, literally three people I used to look up to since I was 10 years old... They are also still living people that have now grown older, and that I deeply respect and am still a fan of 'till this day.

And that leads me to my third reason. While I completely understand that my brain decided to use these faces and voices for my maladaptive daydreaming (one of the origins of my collective), I don't want to openly associate my headmates with the three sources. I want to keep the fangirling and my relationships with my headmates separate, at least to some degree. Sure, there will always be moments where I see a clip of a source and think "wow, that's so like Secile" or "woah, Ronnie would rock that outfit too", but in a way I want to love my headmates for who they are, not for who they come from. I hope that makes sense.

And hey, to be honest, perhaps this might change one day. The opinion on their respective source variates per headmate. Ronnie loves hers, Dimitri is indifferent, etc. But they are all arguably excited over the fact that they are celebrities, in a way. My closests friends also know about the sources, and it's fun to be able to joke about it sometimes, or fangirl with plural context, etc. So maybe I will feel comfortable hinting at sources one day, or maybe a headmate decides to disclose it themself (as Ronnie has done in the past). Who knows.

(My three fogtive headmates together when they met at 9 years old)

Disclaimer upfront: We'd like to strictly point out that this post isn't meant to brag about our system bonds, or to say that our way of being plural is the best way. We value any way a system is formed or made up of.

We often see systems with no particular group dynamic. Obviously amnesiac barriers and larger systems make it harder for system members to know everyone, so it's only logical. But we find that our particular case, our headmates all being like chosen family to each other, is quite rare.

The reason why is because the family existed before the plurality did, and we are only a collective of 5 total. Three of the four adaptive/paragenic headmates were once merely characters or thoughtforms if you will, before becoming sapient. They made up a part of Kyra's world in particular.

Quick background

At the beginning of our plurality, it was just Thorn, the original body owner, and Kyra, an adaptive accidental para/parogenic headmate. Kyra needed a lot of guidance and was emotionally sensitive due to headspace trauma. In the physical world, she was repeatedly fakeclaimed and invalidated by sysmed and anti-endo “friends,” which caused a severe identity crisis and led her to withdraw for a year.

Thorn didn’t push her, instead giving her space to heal while gently encouraging her return after a while. As part of that, Thorn suggested Kyra bring her housemates to headquarters (a co-con headspace). This was done knowing those housemates would likely become sapient, which they did.

As a natural result, all headmates already knew each other, loved each other as a family. The only bond still needing to be made was with Thorn (which, after 3 whole years, we believe has worked out well enough).

How our dynamic works

The main difference we see between systems without family dynamics vs. our family dynamic, is that the bond between headmates becomes much more prominent. The system isn't just a group of people, it's almost an ecosystem of its own. The four headmates inhabiting headspace are metaphysically connected because of being elemental primordials:

Dimitri (Earth) forms the foundation and stability of the group. Their calm and groundedness and passive leadership keeps the others tethered. But they also quietly overwork themself, succumbing to the cracks in their composure.

Ronnie (Fire) is the energizing spark, always bringing chaos, trouble and humor, usually at the same time. But she is also the one who claims autonomy forcefully and has an armor of several inches thick, which can radiate in aggression.

Secile (Air) is the literal breath of fresh air, always bringing joy and comfort through her laughs, physical affection, and incredibly smart insight and perspectives. But she is also a perfectionist, and has trouble asking for help or standing up for herself.

Kyra (Water) is the flow that brings emotional and spiritual intuition. Her tribal background gives her a unique wisdom, and she can touch people with a simple look on her face. But she is also deeply scarred and needs a lot of guidance in this modern world.

Thorn comes into place differently, because they are slightly separate from the four. It does help that Dimitri and Thorn are median, so in a sense they also fill one another's role in the ecosystem. But we like to compare the collective to a body sometimes, to complete the circle.

Thorn is the brain (creativity, physical translation, carries headspace)

Dimitri is the bones (stability, protection, leadership)

Ronnie is the heart (emotion, expression, passion)

Secile is the lungs (connection, intellect, experience)

Kyra is the nervous system (sensation, intuition, adaptation)

So, again, just like an ecosystem. And it tracks. Kyra can calm Ronnie like no other, while Ronnie hypes Kyra up. Dimitri keeps Secile grounded when spiraling, while Secile is able to dig to Dimitri's core to reach them. Some one-on-one dynamics are prone to chaos (like Secile and Ronnie), while others lock in place like a river carved in stone (Kyra and Dimitri). And so on, and so on.

In the end, this is simply what grew from our history, not a template or an ideal, just one ecosystem among many, shaped by care, circumstance, and time. And we all love each headmate for their strengths and flaws.

System Info

System: Elemental Collective Origin: Walk-in, paragenic. Fogtive (source undislosed). Date of sapience: May 2023 System role: Deer, soother

About

Full name: Secilia Amanda Salvatierra Age: 22-27 (19 in story) Gender: Female Pronouns: she/her Sexuality: Heterosexual Ethnicity: Half-Latina, half-American Languages: English, Spanish Date of Birth: June 5th, 1989 (headspace takes place in 2008) Place of Birth: Handford, California (headspace)

Overview

Personality: Sweet, physically affectionate, soft, rational, smart, timid, compassionate Likes: Reading, learning, history, biology, Justin Timberlake, cottage core, spring, baking Species: Human, Primordial of Air Spirituality: Christian (but open-minded) Occupation: Master’s student in history, currently recovering from chronic illness. Appearance: White skin tone, half-Latina, dark brown to black hair, very doll-like face, button nose.

More info: Toyhouse (Info & Art)

🜁 "We are stood and somehow calm, within the madness of a storm" 🜁

This blog is becoming more of a VK image blog (like the old one I deleted). Originally wanted to submit this on las.fm, but that site now sucks.