#sec derps

It frightens me to no end.  That to survive, I’m going to end up turning into a emotionless being.  Its terrifying.  

I feel as though I’m getting to a point where I don’t care about anything.  Everything around me just feels artificial and fake and like everything I do has no meaning to it.  

I feel like I shouldn't believe this but when everything feels so...forced as far as interactions go sometimes, I feel like I’m not making any real progress with those I want to make them with.  

I just want things to go back to the way they were, but I just feel like its just a lie and I’m just deceiving myself that they might ever.  I want to believe its just my anxiety talking--that its making me think in worse case scenarios, but its just something I can’t help but feel, I guess.  I don’t want to either...

The people in my life aren't physically in my life.  There is no physical reinforcement to their words.  With everything I’ve been through--every good intention gone sour, I’ve always been let down in terms of looking forward to things.  Nothing ever seems to want to go a way that would help me tendentiously in terms of things I not just want in my life, but things I need.  

Seeing something tangible to back them up is what I need.  Something more in the flesh.  RP-esque interactions only go so far.  

Touch.  

I need touch. I need to feel the love behind those words in the flesh.  

A strong hug against my tired frame.  The sensation of a lips.  To hear my name called in person...

I desperately long for these things.  I want to spend time with the people that are too far away that I need physically in my life...