#sebel rambles

my cat just tried to eat my tablet pen. little one, that is not for eating.

i hate how they never take me seriously when im like this. i hate how they basically discount every singel fucking thing i say, i hate how they try to tell me that itll be ok. i hate how they never act like its something that i can fix, not that is something i have to live iwth every single fucking day. i hate how they treat me like glass aftewards. i hate how i hasve to deal with that for months and then when theyre finally done i have another fucking breakdown and it starts all over again. i hate how they constantly say itll be ok, but noever ch ange anything to make it. tha t way. i hate how theyll just let it go, and pretend nothing happened afterwards. i hate how they never even try to understand, and they tell me to just calm down when its obvious that i kind of am not capable of that. i hate this. i hate it so much.

hey, hey guys. i have a computer again. you have no idea how happy i am about this holy shit. i havent had my computer for like 3 months now, which meant all my art was traditional. also, i kind of left some project just sitting there and i havent had a chance to finish them yet. soooo, yeah. im suuuuper excited about this. :) this also means i can do commissions, and get money. i kind of owe some people right now, so getting that done would be great. ill make an official post soon with costs and things. i may or may not be doing a giveaway in the near future as well. uwu

...... why did i wait this long to start getting stuff together for cosplay?

i need to stop. i need to fucking stop. im jst so sick and tired of all this pretending. im always faking something, a smile, usually, but not necessarily that. if im not faking being happy, then im faking being strong. im faking knowing whats going on in my head. i dont know. i dont have any fucking clue. im tired of not being me. so, so, so, tired. but i have no idea how to even be myself anymore. im not okay. and i always pretend like i am, but im not. i guess i just need to stop pretending or something. because if i dont no ones gonna notice and no ones gonna even try to help me. but i dont know how. i dont have any idea how to be myself anymore. sorry.

i start school tomorrow, i dont want to go. i just want to stay home with my cat.

welp, my internet is sucking butt and i need to sleep anyway. night guys!

so, i made an even 20 birdpeople. i have figured out that a lot of them dance. im happy now.