#scump

Klay Thompson in a Mountain Dew commercial with Scump and Dashy.

There, I fixed it.

House of Memes (gmotd.tumblr.com) 2020-03-20

Nonnie, what in the f-...

“Ah!” Stiles suddenly exclaimed as he tripped over something hidden in the low brush not too far from the forest he frequently foraged with Scott, who was currently a few paces ahead. Daylight was fading fast, and neither of them were prepared to fend off any of the beasts who roamed the wilds at night. They had to get home, and they had to do it soon.

Scott stopped and turned back to help. “Are you okay? What happened?” he asked as he held out a hand to Stiles.

“I tripped over this stupid stump.” Stiles took Scott’s hand and hoped to every forest spirit in existence that Scott hadn’t seen him face down in the dirt just then. “Stubbed my toe pretty bad. If you want to carry me all the way home, I won’t say no.” 

Honestly, a little light flirting could only improve a situation as embarrassing as the one, Stiles thought. But Scott wasn’t listening. Instead, he gazed almost fondly at the stump. After a few moments of weird silence, Scott knelt down and placed his hand on the stump’s smooth surface, his fingers lightly tracing the exposed rings.

“Uhh...” Stiles started, “what are you doing?”

“This is a willow,” Scott said, like that actually explained anything.

“Yeah. And?”

“I think I know this one.”

Stiles slowly began walking (limping) away. “Oh, okay. Well, you two can get reacquainted, catch up, share some stories about life or whatever. If you need me, you can find me back home safe and sound in our cave and busy not being eaten by sabertooth tigers in the dead of night.”

“No, no...” Scott voice sounded far away, almost reverent. “I used to talk to this one a long time ago.”

“To the stump?”

“Yes.”

“I already regret wondering, but what did you and this stump talk about?”

Scott shrugged. “Mostly things I never felt comfortable talking to another person about. Life. Troubles. Sometimes even love.” He blushed as he tickled a small shoot growing from the top of the stump. “She is a living metaphor, Stiles.”

“A what, now?”

“A symbol of our existence,” Scott went on. “Someone cut her down, and look how she continues to grow. She does her best out here all alone, and I think that is a very noble thing. We can learn a lot from her.”

“She?”

“Willow.”

“You named a st-” Stiles cut himself off and resumed his trek homeward. “See you later, Scott.”

Picking his way more carefully through the underbrush, Stiles couldn’t quite wrap his head around what Scott was even talking about. Yeah, everyone revered nature in a “literally everything can either feed or kill me” kind of way, but Scott was talking about a stump. Not even the whole tree. The stump. And what’s worse was how Scott more or less ignored some prime, blatant flirtation on Stiles’s part, forgot Stiles was also critically injured by this stump, and then he just started feeling the damn thing up right there in front of him.

Stiles stopped. What was going on? Was he...was he jealous?

No. 

Nooooo. 

N-no?

Scott caught back up to him. “Sorry. I had to apologize to Willow for you calling her stupid earlier.” If it weren’t for the slight smile and gentle shove Scott gave him, Stiles might have completely lost it at that point.

He did have one thing to say, though.

“You know, if you want to talk about life and stuff, you can always talk to me, right? You do not have to talk to a stump. Not unless you really want to. I guess what I want to say is that you can tell me anything, and your secrets are safe with me. Even the weird ones.”

Scott intertwined his fingers with Stiles’s and lightly kissed the back of his hand in a ridiculously romantic gesture that may or may not have caused Stiles’s heart to skip a beat.

“I will keep that in mind,” Scott said warmly. “Although...”

“Although what?”

Oh what a sweet handsome boy right?

NO

CRIMINAL