#scuffed asks

I think you can start to improve your confidence by realizing that communities like agere and abdl/apdl have no set definition, just a vague and general theming. They mean something different to everyone. Take for instance apdl (age play, diaper lover). The whole reason the acronym became a thing was because people felt that abdl was too specific. Yes it stands for adult baby, diaper lover, but a huge percentage of those in the community don't identify as either. They're babyfurs, they're caregivers, they're middle spacers. And yet so many people refuse to adopt apdl because they've felt at home in the abdl community for so long, and feel that in changing the acronym, they're surrendering something. Trying to appeal to the masses. They think it doesn't need to have a broader appeal, because the title itself shouldn't matter as much as the people who find a home in the community.

Or ageplay and abdl as a whole. Constantly assumed to be kink only communities when they aren't. Yet people keep regurgitating the same idea that they are. It's gone on for so long that it's just become fact to some people who have never thought to do a lick of research or get to know anyone in these communities. Agere folks often act as if they're "one of the good ones" when it comes to regression, as an attempt to distance themselves from possible kink assumptions. There will never be any approval from the general norm, so why should anyone bother trying to act holier than thou?

So in that sense, I think a lot of people in agere, abdl/apdl or adjacent communities are thinking too hard about the whole thing. In the end, aside from some slight variations (such as agere being more sfw and often focused on the therapeutic side), they're all really similar when you get down to it. From the outside perspective, it doesn't matter. Because those who don't get it, will always think it's weird, gross or even malicious. Yet at the end of the day, that's always a risk. You could be the most "normal" person ever, and still someone will think the wrong thing about you.

Everyone in the world needs to learn to give less of a hoot about what random strangers think about them. I know that's easier said than done. No one is immune to having their feelings hurt. It's a muscle you need to strengthen. A skill to hone. Where you must choose whether or not to let something get under your skin. Sometimes you might be fearful of people who will threaten you. Sometimes you might be unfairly banned or shunned. But I promise you, it really does gets easier the more you actively try. If you put in the effort, you'll eventually find that it doesn't even phase you anymore. I rarely bat an eye when I get hate, especially when the person clearly knows nothing about me. Honestly, in the end, it will only strengthen your conviction on who you are and what you believe. Less self-doubt because you realize how silly it all is. People will always feel the need to bring you down, it's truly unavoidable. But don't let the fear of death keep you from living.

That's also what makes communities so strong. They're the safety net that catches you when everything else in life pushes you down. So you don't need to do it alone. That's why I think everyone should find a community. Be it your own or a wider one in abdl/abdl, age play, or agere.

When I get hate, I like to turn it into a learning experience. Try to show compassion even if deep down you don't feel like the person is deserving of it in the moment. A lot of the time, they wont listen. It's nearly impossible to shake people of their beliefs. Sometimes however, people have a change of heart. Or often you'll help someone who was just scrolling and happened upon your post.

Sure it gets tedious, having to defend yourself, but I think it's better than just tolerating the accusations, hate and assumptions. It's also better than giving up the things you enjoy. Plus like I mentioned, there's always a chance that you're helping people.

Another big thing I want to say is that fe/tish and kink aren't dirty words. Puritanism is at an all time high right now. Even though you and others might not mean to, acting like it's something to be ashamed of is just pushing the narrative that it is. I think that trying to change people's views on /you/ starts with trying to change how people view kink. It might not be for me, for you, or for others. Yet instead of coming off like "Gosh no, I'd never be into ___ KINK!", just assure people it's not your thing but so long as it's between consenting adults and not involving you, it's normal. We all need to learn to say we dislike something without condemning it or putting it down. Remember, condemning kink is often a thinly veiled attempt at condemning queerness. It doesn't end at the things you dislike or find gross.

This is coming from a place of understanding. There was a point not too long ago when I nearly quit the art thing all together because I was so sick of people assuming I was this super, ns/fw, kink y person just because of my job. When I stopped drawing it however, I saw how much it hurt the people closest to me. It made them feel like I thought they were dirty, morally bad people for having kinks. It really changed how I approached conveying to people the person I am.

In short, you need to learn to just do what makes you happy. If you get hate, remember that these people do not know you. Use their comments or asks to teach or to better explain who you are as a person. Be gentle but don't let people walk over you. Though something like kink isn't for you, don't shame people for having them. Even if you're grossed out by them, it only serves to make you a "mean girl" and it'll only attract more people like that to you. Choose friends that accept the person you are, but who also hold you accountable. Labels are just that, a label. You can choose to align with one or not, but at the end of the day, they're more-so just there to help you find like minded people. Not a set of traits and rules you need to follow. Remember that no one person has the exact same definition on what agere, abdl, etc. is.

Just have fun and be kind to yourself and others. Always seek to understand rather than to be understood.

I think some of my favorite bits were seeing the little cafe in the Circus, the weird ways Caine chose to retaliate, all the creepy/horror/body horror, and getting to see Scratch and some of the others finally! And of course that sweet Abstragedy pandering in the beginning >B]

I honestly need to sit and think with it more and do another rewatch. I think it's probably my favorite episode so far or maybe tied with 5. I love that Goose consistently just keeps me guessing and that Glitch does a fantastic job at baiting people into coming up with theories. Like genuinely, I think they're intentionally trying to make people go down specific theory paths. You can't convince me they weren't doing that with Bubble. Speaking of, I loved that moment in the beginning of the episode, with Bubble whispering to Caine, 100/10.

I honestly have no theories or anything. I also don't want to be all "omg Caine!" because I really don't think he's dead. Honestly since episode 3, I figured everything would be fine, but I assumed they would never leave the Circus. And I'll be honest, I don't think it would be as satisfying if they did. Goose's answer to the "what do you want people to take away from TADC" answer pretty much instilled this in me.

I've seen a lot of criticism and people are obviously allowed to feel how they feel, but I have none myself. If this is how the show went, then it's how Goose wanted it to go and I'm just happy to watch their vision unfold.

The main point I see people make is wishing it was more character driven or that other characters had more screen time. Especially after the whole "Pomni and Jax are the main characters" thing. That's valid, I mean I too wish I got just an endless amount of screentime featuring literally any of the characters. It comes from a place of love, but I really think people need to step back and realize this is not about us. It's an art piece created by Goose and given life through wonderful talent. From my knowledge, Glitch never forced Goose to fit their concept into 9 episodes. And if it was you, wouldn't you want people to respect your vision? That you made with your characters? That you made?

Sometimes I think this is partially the result of social media brain, on top of media literacy. Where artists think they need to create things to be consumed. That mass appeal and doing what people want of you is just what artists do. But art is made for you first and foremost. (or in this case, Goose) If others enjoy it, that's great, but it's not the reason art should be created. Plus, the best part of less screen time means you get to fill in the gaps. The looser things are, the more you can play pretend!