Writing a bad therapist - Tone
As much as I’d like all therapists in media to be portrayed as good therapists, sometimes, the narrative calls for a shitty one. Let’s look at some of the ways a therapist character can say things that often end up alienating and invalidating their client.
I’d also like to say that some of these things aren’t completely bad - sometimes the client character would really benefit from hearing the therapist’s interpretations, or really need reassurance. The problem comes when that’s all the therapist is doing.
However, there are a few that I’d say are universally pretty bad, no matter the client - these ones have been bolded.
Ordering or directing. Direction is given with a voice of authority. The speaker may be in a position of power (e.g., parent, employer) or the words may simply be phrased and spoken in an authoritarian manner.
Warning or threatening. These messages are similar to ordering but they carry an overt or covert threat of impending negative consequences if the advice or direction is not followed. The threat may be one the clinician will carry out or simply a prediction of a negative outcome if the client doesn't comply--for example, "If you don't listen to me, you'll be sorry."
Giving advice, making suggestions, or providing solutions prematurely or when unsolicited*. The message recommends a course of action based on the clinician's knowledge and personal experience. These recommendations often begin with phrases such as, "What I would do is...."
[[Shrink’s note - “prematurely or when unsolicited” is the key part there.]]
Persuading with logic, arguing, or lecturing. The underlying assumption of these messages is that the client has not reasoned through the problem adequately and needs help to do so.
Moralizing, preaching, or telling clients their duty. These statements contain such words as "should" or "ought" to convey moral instructions.
Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, or blaming. These messages imply that something is wrong with the client or with what the client has said. Even simple disagreement may be interpreted as critical.
Agreeing, approving, or praising. Surprisingly, praise or approval also can be an obstacle if the message sanctions or implies agreement with whatever the client has said. Unsolicited approval can interrupt the communication process and can imply an uneven relationship between the speaker and the listener. Reflective listening does not require agreement.
Shaming, ridiculing, labeling, or name-calling. These messages express overt disapproval and intent to correct a specific behavior or attitude.
Interpreting or analyzing. Clinicians are frequently and easily tempted to impose their own interpretations on a client's statement and to find some hidden, analytical meaning. Interpretive statements might imply that the clinician knows what the client's real problem is.
Reassuring, sympathizing, or consoling. Clinicians often want to make the client feel better by offering consolation. Such reassurance can interrupt the flow of communication and interfere with careful listening.
Questioning or probing. Clinicians often mistake questioning for good listening. Although the clinician may ask questions to learn more about the client, the underlying message is that the clinician might find the right answer to all the client's problems if enough questions are asked. In fact, intensive questioning can interfere with the spontaneous flow of communication and divert it in directions of interest to the clinician rather than the client.
Withdrawing, distracting, humoring, or changing the subject. Although humor may represent an attempt to take the client's mind off emotional subjects or threatening problems, it also can be a distraction that diverts communication and implies that the client's statements are unimportant.
This comes from Gordon, 1970, so it’s a bit old, but I thought this bit was useful at least. Found here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK64964/
[[Edited to add - if this sounds like your therapist, it may be a good idea to find another one. Therapists are incredibly varied in their approach and style, and if you just aren’t clicking with one, you may find another one that’s perfect for you. Don’t give up on therapy because of one bad experience, please.]]
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