#screamingchild

Hallie came along 9 months later…OH DEAR GOD HELP ME! We were so excited to have a darling daughter, all 9 pounds of her, this did not last long. After a troubled birth and about 2 days of adrenalin…it began! SCREAMING, day and night, I used to think people would associate me with a screaming child, nothing soothed her for more than 20 minutes at a time, this went on for 6 weeks, i had reached breaking point.

I was booked in to Torrens House (A sleep and settling centre in Adelaide, SA) in a weeks time. I was sleep deprived, depressed, and guilt ridden. I have done this before, what am I doing wrong?? I struggled to find love for her and that really created a mix of emotions that scared me. I had a 16 month old little boy that I was unable to spend any time with because my days were consumed by this screaming baby. 

It was Sunday, late afternoon, that was it, I couldn't take any more, I took the baby, screaming, and walked 300 meters up the road to a Dr I considered a friend. He was working at the hospital, his wife took the baby trying to console her without success. She phoned him, he wanted to see this screaming baby for himself. I took her to the hospital, there was nothing “physically” wrong with her, but he sent us straight to Adelaide to the Womens and Childrens hospital. (We were due at torrens house the following day, a Tuesday) The hospital wanted to run a heap of tests, mainly to see if she had a bladder infection causing the constant screaming. We were there 5 days. I missed my spot at Torrens House and had to go back on the waiting list. Luckily for me I was able to go the following week.

The womens and children's also did not find anything physically wrong with her.

I arrived at Torrens House, they took me to my room, wrapped Hallie in a sheet, put her in a cot and rocked her to sleep over a small bump joining the carpet. I was so skeptical. She slept for 45 minutes! THIS HAD NEVER HAPPENED in the 7 weeks since she had been born. At this time I saw hope.

The staff were amazing and would even take her during the night so I was able to get some sleep. After 4 days (the centre only operates from Tuesday to Friday) The staff at the clinic decided that I was not mentally ready to go home, I saw a psychologist who prescribed anti depressants and was booked in for the following week.

The weekend between the clinic was one of the scariest moments I have had. I stayed at my great aunties house while she was away. I had no support and no baby equipment, especially nothing even close to what is used at the clinic. I panicked! I felt completely overwhelmed, I felt I knew what I was supposed to do now and I was still failing. I remember a phone call i made to my mum, “I don’t want her, I want to give her away” I said. I was in a really bad mental state. My sister picked me up and I spent the rest of the weekend with her, I needed support and my sister was fantastic. 

I went back to the clinic with a new approach, I was doing this myself with only the advice of the nurses, at the time a break at night was amazing but it didn’t help me learn. 

There I was the second week with this completely different baby, who slept for an hour and a half! I was feeling more confident. She was such (and still is) such a strong child. She would grasp my fingers with her tiny hands and pull herself up to a standing position. Looking at her I felt like she just wanted to be grown up.

Upon my departure the diagnosis I was given was that she was “challenging” and “difficult” To this day she still is challenging and difficult, extremely strong and determined, and VERY stubborn!

She still has trouble sleeping 8 years on, she has extreme fears, struggles with jealously, and keeping her emotions in check, and is very sure of her likes and dislikes. She would probably be a great only child…unfortunately she is not even close to that.