#screamalong

Arthur buddy you are averaging a kill an hour here-- I kind of hope you were an asshole so that I don't feel bad for your obvious impending doom (and body count)

VA you may theoretically be in MA but you are still obviously British XD

This is like listening to two people play Amnesia the Dark Descent where one can see the screen and the other with the controller can't, which is . . . so far so obvious because Cthulhu times.

This is extremely streamlined, so that means literally EVERYONE has a finger in eldritch bullshit

I would actually kind of like more time skips, make it less obvious This is a Speedrun

Time to commit some spectacularly bad ideas!

"I can't read that language but I CAN read the eldritch horror glyphs" Arthur all "Yes that seems legitimate and exactly like how my day is going, why not."

I'm shocked that the fully expected car crash was not their fault (Also if this is 1934 the car probably had fuck all safety features he would be THROUGH THE WINDOW)

Surprise accidental baby acquisition! PUT IT BACK PUT IT BACK

. . . Baby crying noises make my kitten very interested/concerned, huh

"The black goat comes *CRASH*" "What was that?!" I'm going to take a wild guess that it's the black goat, my dude.

When the eldritch entity thinks things are bad ideas PLEASE LISTEN YOU ASSHAT

OH LORD STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER

What the actual fuck, dude. (Unasked for exposition) . . . No now you do see how that's worse?

I'm chanting along with the eldritch entity all "GO GO GO GET OUT"

My dude your self-preservation skills are *lamentable*

The eldritch entity all "Holy shit I am literally Satan Take the Wheel and I have the better ideas *how* are you this much a mess"

That was legitimately alarming thank you for the horror!

Eldritch entity giving its meat puppet pep talks and "You can do this, c'mon, go, buddy go!"

Time for dismemberment agogo!

Less flying limbs than expected but made up for it with pyromania

Thank you for actually having some suspicion even if you have no self-preservation

Is it really a horror podcast if there wasn't trauma-induced coma?

"And did you remember that murder we committed, yeah, yeah"

"So I can see how I can get more control but how about you NOT DO THAT"

Long and thin, would you perhaps say, SLENDER

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY"

Oh those are not good sounds they are not good sounds at all

HELLO NEW FRIEND

Those were some really fun NOT GOOD sounds

Don't ask questions you don't want answers to, Arthur. Delicious.

Oh, it correlated because Arthur just got monched on

"Why are we naked" NOT A GOOD QUESTION TO HAVE

Oh the floor is screaming that's casual

I mean, at least you're in nice digs?

Mmm. *side-eyes* You're wearing a bow-tie, I can't trust you

Why does he know your name?

Arthur all "do I look like I can buy the place"

Okay, good, Arthur also skeptical AF

"If we stay here we die" 8 ball says "Most likely yes"

I can absolutely see this as a video game sequence with the lightning and blackness

"What made you like him?" Yellow, you bein' transparent

Welcome to being the voice of reason, Yellow!

You think he's not going to notice the cold and the rain from the window opening? But better than being found!

"NOT HELPING"

Yellow "MAYBE IF YOU WERE AFRAID YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS BS"

Time for Yellow to be all ". . . I cannot believe you are doing this and not dying"

Y'all want to take a minute to get the star-footed bestiary deets?

Heart to hearts in a storage room~ aww, Yellow trying hard

"A levitating massive black stone" - thaaaat's the mountain guys

And a secret door!

Oh you guys gonna walk straight back into this guy

Who is Older Than He Looks, of course

Toot toot magic flute~ to control the invisible monster I'm guessing

And you have now activated the magic security alarm system

Ah we meet the owner of the femur?

Larson absolutely follows the Classic Villain playbook

WELP you took longer to get the point of the game, Arthur

"Wasn't" - I am going to guess that didn't hold super long

Cord is going to be a garrotte, I bet

OH but not the way I expected, yikes

Ohhhhh okay that's fucked

And then he was dinner. . . but not without some EYAGH

"Did I interrupt something?"

"I didn't peg you for a Catholic" *wheeze* that's a hilarious way of saying "I thought you were a cultist."

Yeah this guy is a creep

Arthur you are slow to get what I thought was your opening line

Okay that's . . . *grimace face*

Ohhh boy

And we hit Arthur's berserk button / breaking point, Arthur is going to fucking kill you

Ding ding ding, I am a winner

Yellow, you are being a dick and Arthur is breaking down apparently

And now we have an elegy for John

OH OH That is a Development!!

"Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?!"

And now back to your regularly scheduled shit show! Petition for Arthur to have an hour or two of breaking down crying before passing out in exhaustion.

"You have your hand back!" Arthur, alarmingly happy to lose autonomy for company

Please remember the magic flute if you still have it

"You look like shit" Thanks, buddy, glad to see you too

"It was you without the -you-"

Arthur all "I have a man to kill."

You found the cultist's temple!

Are you sure you didn't just hit another mirror

Time for panic attack!

And John gets to be the moral voice

*side-eyes* Wow that honey moon period was short

"I guess" . . . Mmm that was not super positive

Box puzzle!

How many people have the Larsons chucked down here?

. . . Or they live here now

"We never actually tried waiting"

Time to talk~~~

You are doing whatever the opposite of back-handed compliments are

Arthur, my dude you are not good at this, but that is probably because you need ALL THE THERAPY

And you are realizing it, that's something

Oh okay he is accruing scars

AND NOW YOU REMEMBER THE FLUTE

One of them, one of them~ Introduce yourself to your new neighbors

Dinner bell has been rung!

At least that's relatively quick???

Time to hide in the pantry~

Oh we're back to this again

I get the parallel they're making here but I'm also sort of like . . . how are we expected to believe they completely swapped morals?

*eyes Arthur* ALL the therapy

"I'm not angry I'm disappointed"

Arthur I would also like you get your shit together

Go back into the estate to find your bag and the flute?

You are definitely getting your cardio in today

That's not quiet, John

The lighter is definitely Arthur's own talisman - which does explain why Killing it With Fire worked so well. I do kinda wonder if the other magic objects are also coming from individual people

Time for your colonial bullshit to be questioned, Arthur

*pokes Arthur* You need to get your head around the fact you killed someone. Not accidental manslaughter this time, but very deliberately. It wasn't necessarily premeditated murder but you sure as fuck don't have a high ground. And you may very well have caused other people to die.

"Nothing that doesn't come with experience" Or PTSD

"I've only done this to survive" not ALL of it

And that's your problem, Arthur, you need to own that if you're going to kill people or cause them to die by your inaction you need a reason for it, and you need to decide if the reasons are good enough for your morals. And the demon in your head is your Jimminy Cricket right now

~~~Cuuuuuult~~~

Yellow King knows them, that's not great

"Things military" gives you deja vu, hmmm

Arthur, you are not doing a great job of being forthcoming

Yikes that is a way to go

Yeah, John is getting all the psychic damage

"We can go home!" - What do you think is still there four months later?

"I'm okay, are you okay?"

Open the goddamn door Arthur

"Yet" that's worrying

. . . Cain? You be playin?

OPEN THE DOOR, ARTHUR

It's a temple, you idiot

John you are NOT HELPING

. . . And his head exploded, didn't it.

I scream at the top of my lungs, "What's going on?"

"Blackstone" = the floating mountain that people were worshiping and/or the mountain you're literally in right now

. . . That was a switch, Arthur

Yiiiiiiikes, that's a note to end on.

So clearly we've got more story coming, and I am Invested to see where it goes.

Ohhh dear. Still in divorce mode, and the music is ominous AF. I was kind of betting that John would stop talking, too.

Arthur actually being sneaky, huh, shocking, (Hang on a second, does he class as a bard?!?! He does, doesn't he.)

"Larson isn't worth my humanity." DAMN good line.

Oh this is VERY good characterization, especially after the last ep being so chaotic. Arthur you goddamned hot mess.

Ooh that was squishy noises. And John are you *just* realizing that Arthur is suicidal? YES, YES I GUESS YOU ARE.

And Parker met him when he was in deep deep depression and alcoholism. Oh no. "Not about my. . ." *side-eyes* that did not sound like past, that sounded like present.

"Only a few months ago?" WOOF.

Ohhhh sorry, John, this is your first go at the Short Cut. And Arthur is actually being alarmingly competent.

"And nothing." (really matters~~~) *observes train wreck*

Is this the first time we hear violins??? AND THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME CRY, GODDAMNIT. That hit really hard in the depression feels.

Woooooo we all needed that. Arthur, John, and the entire goddamn audience. Thank you, Harlan Guthrie.

The psuedopod named John can't quite separate from the whole colony huh

Arthur has a bit of trouble with victimization and priorities here

"I miss your method of emotional expression" "I don't."

John all "Maybe you wouldn't be so emotionally constipated if you just had a piano and could compose"

The meatsuit is taking some significant damage so far this ep

I hope you're up to date on your tetanus shots

John we talked about underestimating other eldritch entities

"Oh fuuuuck" "Yes"

Many problems, one solution. *flicks lighter*

Meatsuit really be going through it this time

"That was not a very well thought-out plan" No shit Sherlock

I've been through too many games where ANY resources are useful so watching them bypass loot is like "Noooooooo what are you doing"

BRING ANY WATER YOU HAVE Noooo

"Foolproof" ahahaha no

"What do we do" "Die horribly."

John all ". . . Uh how about not"

Lovely is exactly the right word for it. WORMS WORMS WORMS and that's totally what was on the desk in the boat because eyaaaagh

Arthur trying for the charisma roll!

That did . . . not really work

Each of you guys keep swinging wildly between kill everything-forgive things - and I can't really keep track of any logic behind it

Did y'all not remember your plot quest marker

"I wasn't enough." and John immediately up in arms like "who said that?!"

And you keep swinging between the "Do things / don't do things"

Always always going down

Arthur's turn to do the "Here's some existential terror"

"Can you give me more poems, please?"

Chirpy-thing had better not be evil *hard stare*

Or die horribly. We like chirpy salamander.

Seeing eye-demon is leaving out vital details

Plot points~~~

You guys really could have avoided a lot of that drama if you just threw dignity to the wind and flat-belly-squiggled to reach that

Aaaaand then things continue downward

At least when you're at the bottom there's nowhere to go but up???

It's one of your old friends, a chute!

Meat puppet is really taking a beating lately; you need another Wraith refresh

I would be bitching so bad about the "Quietly!" "You do this quietly!"

100% on Arthur's side of Read The Damn Book. Knowledge!

And that's how we're both going to die in Forbidden Fucked Up Fantasyland

"We're going to do this if it kills us" Mmmmmm not the best thing to say

Oh now you're on team Murder, you guys really do keep swapping

Many problems, one solution!

insert Jason Good Place Bortles gif

And then we get the traumatic backstory!

"I failed, that day" "You won't fail again"

Aw, John taking ownership/protectorship of this sad fucked up human

ohhhhh that doesn't sound good

Every time John does a "no that way" I imagine his left hand hauling Arthur to one side or the other

For once, upwards!

Arthur sorta waivers between low-key suicidal ideation and high key and with that poem reference. . . oof.

"You found humanity" "I found the absence of you"

"I've changed, baby, you've got to believe me"

backed up by a "LET HIM TRY" *applauds* All right, that's compelling!

"Only the blood is still wet" "NEVERMIND THEN I'll be going!" "Yes that's probably for the best"

Huh, I guess Goth!Shelob fits in here, her camo isn't that bad after all

Arthur was a boyscout!

Is that, perhaps, an eye in the sky. Many different eyes in the sky.

And more of the visual fucking with John's perception

"Two appear before me" *That* is interesting~

"Here take this King in Yellow's egg surely it wouldn't be a bad thing"

Would you consider NOT pissing off the Angry Ent?

Arthur buddy you do not know when to shut up

Oooh skittery legs- rest of the Goth Shelobs?

Oh not Shelobs, Nightstalkers, cool cool cool

"Only when I'm out of options, same as anyone else" XD XD XD

Ohhh hey it was a duet on the piano

Awwww co-dependency

OH OKAY that changed topics rapidly

Has anyone considered using the MacGuffin y'know instead?!

Ohhhhhh please please please don't Not A Fan Of This

NOPE NOPE NOPE

bonding through sharing a little self-mutilation What the Actuuuual Fuck

NOPE NOPE NOPE

"I am here"

Ohhhhh that's a nope nope nope nope nope

That definitely uh, puts a spin on what the fuck the trader did. It traded.

Time to shift realms!

And now you remember the MacGuffin!

Arthur are you now wondering if you're being narcissistic "Is it you or just more of . . . me"

Arthur all "This is just temporary we're still going to split eventually" and John all "Mrrrrrrrrr" Sorry, John, you've had longer to get attached.

Are y'all gonna jump down the chute/hole just because it's in front of you, again

"Wonderful, let's leave" I am with you on that one!

"You know we don't HAVE to kill everything" *side-eyes*

*eyebrow raised* Y'all can't get five minutes without drama

This is part of why I would appreciate time-skips, because it would give time for things to marinate so it feels more natural

Are you sure that's a person and not a scarecrow

Or a kite???

Your charisma score is abysmal isn't it

Arthur my dude you are DEEPLY emotionally unbalanced

I like these guys, lichs are a lot less perturbing than anything else we've hit

Black Goat's minions are more polite than most

Okay Arthur made one charisma save, amazing!

"Are you ready?" "Unrelentingly" *SNORT*

Ahh plot threads at last

"You still need mortal things, right. Right?" ". . . Maybe"

I love that it's unsure if Arthur is just being a stubborn driven little shit or if he might actually be sliding even more sideways from human

And either John gave him control of the hand back or this impromptu jam session is a lot more impressive than it first seems

This hits me every time but you guys did not look into the currency value for the supposed time period and I'm just all ". . . well it's already an AU anyways"

(Otherwise SOMEONE lost a hat with like several years' wages in it and I hope those were smaller bills or Arthur is going to be one even-more-conspicuous MFer)

Speaking of: did you really just waltz into a store and ask for a big ass gun, ammo, flashlights, and a crowbar. Did you. Really.

WITH NO ID AND NO STORY

Could you *at least* have presented that in a less suspicious way!

Jon from TMA and Arthur solidarity in being absolute shit at telling lies

Actually they probably had f' all ID requirements in the time period

And then *everyone* is shady/eldritch as fuck! Woo!

You might mention the murder as a reason to be buying a gun?!

Writer nitpick: this is just personal opinion but I like my bullshit to feel grounded, so there's a solid baseline of reality vs Everything Else. . . but it could also be an entirely valid approach to have the narrator being increasingly unreliable and detached from reality because: Cthulhu.

OH delightful it's Creepy Old Lady, round two

*sounds of distant death* Arthur, "Time to be a good Samaritan and die horribly!"

This clearly is going to end well!

"Everyone is *wrong*" YOU DON'T SAY, JOHN

I am waiting for the partner to Come Back Wrong and for that to be why he's not being charged with murder yet because there was not actually a corpse - aside from the possibly-possessed janitor

Arthur: "This is not fast-forwarding fast enough for me!"

John: "You can only trust me, Arthur."

Time to go find your boat with a head in it!

Okay, fine, any boat can have a severed head in it, just give it time. I believe in you, boys

Just two bros. In a boat. Singing love tunes. Chilling 0 ft apart, because one's possessing the other.

John. Eldritch Buddy. You want to sound a little less like a sociopath there, dude

"This is fucked up, clearly we're in the right place."

*squints* ancient graveyard . . . in the US. . . there for centuries . . . why is it European. . .

did you just get suckered into being the new lighthouse keeper

Rude to go tearing up someone's floorboards!

*facepalm* you are not final girl material, Arthur

just got the job and quit again that quickly, for shame

I hope you're prepared for a long swim

Eldritch entity you swing wildly between anger management issues and "Deep breaths, try not to panic"

"Ohhhh Arthur" that's alarmingly sensual

"No part of you is lost to me" *side-eyes*

One thing that's noteworthy to me is that they're not comfortable with silence, that everything has to happen back-to-back, no pauses. Be more confident, linger uncomfortably in your

"I wonder if the voice he heard is this" OR JOHN YOU DIPSHIT

Time for the next cult hideout!

So the mansion was the Black Goat's, who's in residence here?

Oh that's who, howdy, ma'am

and then they find the homemade porn!

Is no one else concerned with the quantity of A names

. . . are you about to become a triple occupancy?

Tentacles! For everyone!

Good times when your eldritch beastie bestie has a mental time out

"Or we could kill her"

You actually took a surprisingly long time to get to the murder plan, you okay?

Uh, eldritch bestie, you should have raised your alarm earlier if you had concerns

Trading off murder sociopath duties, good times

My dude you are definitely not coming across as the most hinged of individuals

. . . this would be an interesting time to just panic and let Satan take the wheel now that Satan doesn't want to drive

exactly 0 people surprised who was responsible for the first death

"Oh this is going to end well" Glad we're on the same page again, bestie

"You must be this much bitch to get admittance" "WELL I GUESS WE'RE BOTH GOING AREN'T WE"

I will be more surprised if any of these people live than the obvious alternative

*looks up from filing nails* Oh, they're dead? Smeared across every surface in the room? You don't say

"Maybe someone's still alive" Do we need to go through this again? Not genre savvy, are we?

Eldritch bestie you are extremely inconsistent, which I suppose ties in well to insanity and gaslighting

"This is our life now" look at that, commitment!

Meat puppet does not enjoy the meaty aspect v much

. . . Why was it so heavy if it was only half?

Ewwwwwww. That will be all.

"did you see it" "DID YOU FORGET I AM BLIND"

Oh, we're doing this again are we

Eldritch bestie you better be paying your rent

Hand in unlovable hand~~~

No really, Lovecraft, what was with all the tentacles

Oh, someone else paid their rent!

I am somewhat amused that everything swears by Christianity aside from the favored F bombs

Right, so this is definitely someone else's playground, eldritch #. . .4?

"We lose guns more than anything else" XD

"It sounded like you" *waving lighter*

And that's Eldritch #5 on the horizon

Time for a screaming head or leviathan maggots?

Eeeeeeey old friend!

Why you lying, why you always be lying

. . . Okay I was worried that was going to be even worse than it was

Aw bestie with domestic daydreams

What's some B&E after a spot of murder?

John did you just make Arthur piss himself over an opossum

A mole-faced possum, you act like you haven't seen one before!

Why you gotta be running from snuffles, what did snuffles ever do to you but SCREEEEEEE

Oh it's you again! Great unhinged minds think alike

"We need to be CLOSE and TRUTHFUL!"

(See also: ways to ensure that is not what is going to happen)

And then there's THIS homewrecker

Hrrmmmmm.

Well that escalated quickly.

"You were just the first one dumb enough to read when I asked"

So he DID ask, and Arthur opened the door

Uhh. Uhhhhh.

John. Buddy. You sounding a little Dark Sider over there.

Do y'all really need to drama llama this much all the time???

Is this supposed to be some side-effect of nightmare land or possession?

Oh our homewrecker is a ghost

A sanity restore potion!

If it says someone's out to get you, someone is in fact probably out to get you.

Run, boy, run!

Yeah, John, you really should stop negging Arthur, it's a bad habit.

Frank all "C'mon depressed boy, keep going."

Oh, hey, Arthur, making your own decision!

And then you gotta disappoint me straightaway

Is it just me or is "You want me to give up" the exact opposite vibe from what was happening? They want him to dance to their own tunes, not self-destruct and leave them with nothing.

Arthur, get some sleep or get your shit together.

Yeah that's not a good sign

And not a great sound, either!

This is going swimmingly

There’s probably rewatch value when you know which side is actually lying but not a huge fan of this blatant manipulation. There doesn’t NEED to be conflict and tension every single second. I really kind of want to know if this is a deliberate choice for an effect or just weak writing.

John, you are a classic abuser in this relationship and you need to work on that.

Or this is just Arthur's mind vs himself, which is . . . probably also accurate

Ah, you are in a depression slump

"There is always time for God" *squints* Is this a father or a Father?

"You're going to Hell either way" is NOT a super motivating pep talk, fuck you too, buddy

"Daniel" so not father with a small f, anyways

Welcome to ~~the whirlpool~~

Also known as trauma.

We've got to the "GET OUT, GET OUT" stage, that's . . . good?

Okay so now we get to the trauma processing. Yay?

Do kinda wonder what this bit looked like from John's side of the fence, if he isn't getting a front row seat to the crazy hallucination times, if he's just had Arthur suddenly freeze on him somewhere and stop responding while Shit Descended

Onwards!

Oh hey we've finally got a time skip, 85 days!

"Mr. Faust" XD i just . . . want to imagine that as the item name in inventory

This sounds like very inefficient use of water

I see the time hasn't bonded you much further

"That was one time!" XD

So the progress is that they have established arguments???

*chanting* Go Arthur, Go Arthur, Go Arthur, go, go!

If my life depended on my ability to do one, singular pull up, then . . . I am both deceased and shamed.

Can you spare a sip for a parched soul?

SOMEONE DECENT doing DECENT THINGS, amazing!

jfc you really need those as breaths of fresh air in these things

So a kanna (however you spell that) is possibly a frog-person or possibly a job title. I kinda like the latter myself

Fare thee well, Loric, you progressed the plot and planted a Chekhov rifle

"I can't remember the last time I felt things"

John, you do realize you are riding along a guy who has massively untreated major depression?

"You know I can offer more" . . . Uh. John?

Arthur, have you been bullying the eldritch demon

"No, no I'm not."

You know what that is, that's ~growth~ gif

"Don't PET it, Arthur!" The disgusted sigh XD

Dream truffle pig! XD XD XD

Lily! <3

Oh, Arthur did want to free it, thank god - the "leave it alone" bit worried me

You guys . . . might be making progress?

Three decent things in a row, I feel like we're getting the medpack and save point before the boss battle

"Would you like a waxy vegetable?" XD

Boarpuff! <3 <3 <3

Arthur please don't piss off the ent again

Oh, he was exaggerating for haggling *sets down large rock*

Plot! Significant! Object!!!

Arthur, dude, your guilt is going to kill you quite literally

John all ". . . . . . fuck. Fine."

The next episode title is “The King” so I am going to take a wild guess that’s indeed a boss battle imminent, so that’s all for now. I do kinda wish they'd dig more into how John feels incomplete, have other demon-things treat him as a non-entity. Don't just make them argue, make me FEEL it!

Maybe it's just me being cold and analytical, but I'm not getting the emotional gut punches? Maybe there's more room for emotional attachment in the long form game instead of this condensed highlight reel.

Lovely. Okay so not so much hitman as rank and file who is really shit at shaving?

I kinda thought that was where this was going but euuugh. You could at least hop in the shower first!

So you guys just crashed the convention without even knowing how many people were in there?

John for an eldritch entity you are not respecting the possibility of other eldritch forces very well. You are not alone, buddy

*Pauses and walks away from Cult Lie Detector Test* because ohhh this is a BAD IDEA

It is kind of funny to hear John sweat audibly

This is just the worst plan imaginable! You have no plan!

Read ahead, read ahead! GET THE SPOILERS

John, surprisingly devoted to the thought of Free Will and Non Determinism!

"It sounds like . . ." confused bears!

Oh is it a really big snuffles?! Having cultist for lunch?

OH TIME FOR SHELOB :D

"You're Not Helping!"

This is a super Goth Shelob, huh

Slip'n'slide number two! Clearly they make the best decisions

Heartwarming talks with the eldritch bestie

Arthur this is not the first time you've arbitrarily chose left, the sinister direction. I am not sure this bodes well for you~

"Hungry for flesh" absolutely a great place to go, great vacation destination!

"Pain, madness, and sufferin'" GREAT cult sales pitch

Ah I see where this is going

Down, apparently! What's with these cultists and caves, man

it is interesting that they're splitting the difference on the sanity-bending, that Arthur is insulated from the trippy visual bullshit

Why are you guys so inconsistent and decidedly not genre-savvy?!

"I'm happy to be paranoid" as you just were a dick and called the other paranoid and refused to listen

You goddamn idiots how were you NOT expecting this

*cringe* Parasites, I hate parasites.

And hey finally a change of clothes even though I would definitely not call that swim an improvement on hygiene

Large yellow egg from the King in Yellow that's not ominous at all

Mmm my social anxiety says NOTHING good can come of this

My social anxiety is often right.

WELL THEN That's a Development

That would definitely explain why the cultists were in close orbit

All right so we need to start laying bets on Arthur's missing daughter being the second girl that was at the summoning ritual for the Black Goat that went to shit. (if there is indeed a missing daughter) I thought the second girl was the sister-of-the-screaming-head but Sister Screamer would probably have a different patron than Sr Amarillo