#scream screams

Fox was convinced that the Kaminiise were full of osik.

They touted their own genius and the complexity of their products and straight up lied when talking about the Clones inability to be hindered by common ailments of the regular humanoid.

What a load of poodoo.

Tell that to the marching vode in his head that were doing their best to march right onto the couch he was currently laying on.

Lying crates of osik.

Hex had been trying to find a solution to the migraines since he replaced Chit as CMO and no cocktail of drugs has been able to even dull the chronic marching of vode. It was unbearable.

But Fox had been going through it long enough, he could power through if he had to, but he didn’t have to right now. Hence his prone position on his ugly but comfortably couch.

Good couch. Friendly couch.

“Wow. You look like shit, Foxy.”

Fox didn’t even twitch the arm thrown over his eyes, just groaned at the familiar voice of the constant pain in his shebs.

“That was crass, even for you, Vos.”

“Meh. I’m a shadow, babe, I can use outer rim curses if I want to.”

Firm hands in soft leatheris gloves carefully moved Fox until his head was laying on wonderfully plush thighs and Fox sighed and pushed into the lap he was now on.

Quinlan’s hands carefully framed Fox’s face and slowly started to heat up, using his Force osik to do his best to ease Fox’s pain.

It was hit or miss whether or not it would work and Fox dearly hoped that this was going to be one of the times it worked.

“I wish you could take a sick day or something like that for the days when the pain is this bad, Foxy. It doesn’t seem right that you just have to push through.”

Fox snorted as the pounding in his head started to subtly subside, enough to be background pain instead of the pain that demanded to be focused on.

“Unfortunately, General, I would need to be a sentient being for that. Did you know we don’t even have work week caps? If the Chancellor wants us to work one hundred twenty hours in a week then one hundred twenty hours we work.”

Quinlan scoffed.

“You and I both know you’re sentient. If only the Senate would get their collective heads out of their shebs maybe we could get your migraines worked out.”

“HA. And the Guard likes to call me a dreamer.”

Quinlan chuckled and carefully started sliding his fingers through Fox’s hair, making delightfully soft soothing circles into his scalp.

The Jedi clearly missed his calling as a masseuse.

“Come to the Temple medbay with me?” Quinlan spoke into his forehead, lips touching skin with every syllable. Fox shivered.

“You think they can find something that Hex couldn’t?”

“Bring Hex too. He can tell Che everything he tried. Maybe she’ll have other options. I hate seeing you like this.”

“Mmm. Next time. I just want to stay here a little longer.”

“Of course, Foxy.”

Quinlan gave him a chaste kiss before continuing his ministrations in Fox’s hair and humming lightly under his breath.

Group Chat: “Shebs Squad Lives (despite trying hard not to)”: Woof, Coat, Fly, Socks, Bonds, and Wrecks are active.

Socks: @Coat help me

Bonds: first time we’ve heard from Fox since deployment and it’s a cry for help

                This is normal

Wrecks: are you sure about that?

Bonds: that Fox needs help? Or that that’s the only way he’d voluntarily comm us after refusing to respond for months?

Woof: someone is bitter

Socks: @Coat! It’s Important!

                and urgent!

Fly: wow

                Exclamation marks

                That’s serious business

Coat: I’m kriffing BUSY @Socks!

Socks: trying to get in your Jedi’s Obi in not busy

                now how the kriff did you handle Rex as a cadet?

Wrecks: why are we talking about me?

Socks: it’s not ABOUT YOU!

                It’s about how KOTE HANDLED YOU

Bonds: oh

                my

                Force

                @Socks

                Did you obtain a CHILD??

Socks: kriff off Ponds

Woof: omf he totally did

                kriff

                how did Fox become a buir first?

                I had money on it being Ponds :/

Fly: you owe me so many drinks, vod

Woof: hate that for me

Coat: First of all

                I AM NOT

                Second of all

                I just winged it

                he turned out fine

Wrecks: to this day I am traumatized

Coat: you are the only Captain in the GAR with Commander responsibilities

                you turned out fine

                now

                I AM BUSY!

*Coat is now marked as AWAY.*

Socks: that did not help me

Bonds: I practically raised you lot

                I have some good advice

Woof: don’t lie to yourself, vod

                17 raised us

Bonds: lies and slander

Fly: no Wolffe is right

                17 raised us

                you just gave him the least amount of gray hair

Socks: whatever

                what do I do with this tiny fragile child?

Bonds: how tiny is tiny?

Socks: *has sent 3 holopics*

Fly: Fox

                vod

                why the kriff do you have a natborn tubie?

Socks: I DON’T KNOW!

                Someone left them at the front door to Corrie command!

Woof: seems like theyre better off with you than with someone who would leve them outside on CORUSCANT

Socks: I have never in my life wanted to be a buir

                this could have happened to literally ANY OTHER vod and they’d be ecstatic

                instead it goes to the one who ABSOLUTELY DIDN’T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ANOTHER LIFE

Wrecks: you are literally responsible for every Guard there is

Socks: those are fully grown soldiers who can take care of their damn selves

                this is a being that can literally do NOTHING on their own

                I don’t have time for this osik

                I’m busy doing actually important things and not trying to get into my Jedi’s pants

                *cough* @Coat

Bonds: the shade is real

                also

                I have no clue what to do with a tubie outside of their growth vat

                sorry vod

Fly: doesn’t Coruscant have foster? Adoption agencies? Something like that?

                you could literally just go hand them over

Socks: …

                you want me to leave my tubie WHERE?

Wrecks: ah

                there’s the shebs squad’s attachment problem

                genuinely thought that skipped Fox

Socks: I can’t just leave my tubie any which where BLY

                those services are dangerous and very corrupt

                what if they ended up in a worse place?!

Bonds: worse than the stoop of Corrie Guard Barracks?

                didn’t think that existed tbh

Socks: stku Ponds

                you don’t get to kark over my troopers just because yours can’t kriffing behave on leave

Bonds: BEHAVE???

                YOUR CORRIES ARREST THE GAR FOR THE STUPIDEST REASONS!

Woof: oop

                got Ponds big mad

Wrecks: been a while since that happened

Socks: the reasons are in the Welcome to Shore Leave datapad EVERY TROOPER HAS ACCESS TO

                not my Guards’ fault you GAR type can’t kriffing read

Bonds: GAR TYPE???

                VODE KRIFFING AN YOU SHEBS’PALON!

Socks: since kriffing when???

                as far as GAR troops are concerned, the Guard stopped being Vode as soon as they were deployed to Coruscant

                you can take your sanctimonious kark and shove it in your shebs

                I’ll get someone who actually kriffing likes me to help

*Socks has left Group Chat: “Shebs Squad Lives (despite trying hard not to)”*

Woof: well kriff

                that didn’t go well

Fly: good job Pondsie

                he finally got on and you made him leave

Wrecks: truly one for the books

Bonds: kriff you guys

                like you wouldn’t have done the same

Woof: actually I was more excited to see Fox reaching out that being big mad about my troops ending up in the slammer

                they know exactly what they did to get arrested

                I made them all read the Shore Leave datapad

                they just do it anyway

Wrecks: my trouble makers would make it a to do list so I confiscated all the copies

                but I did read it

                it’s very thorough

Fly: Aayla read it then gave me a tl;dr

Bonds: kriff

--

Fox holed himself up in his office as soon as he found the tubie. Away from the noise and nosiness of the rest of the Guard. (They can’t help it, they all live on top of each other, you can’t hide osik from anyone in Corrie HQ. Not that Fox was hiding the tubie.)

“Should we give them a name?” Thorn was kneeling on the floor and looking at the tubie in Fox’s laps with eyes bright enough to put a sun to shame. It’s been awhile since Fox has seen that look.

“I think we should just call them tubie until they can pick their own. That’s what all vode do. They shouldn’t be any different.” Thire added his two credits, smiling as the tubie gargled in his direction, a bubble of snot popping from their nose.

Adorable.

“Yeah, but they don’t have a number to call them by in the meantime. We can’t just call them tubie, that’s a general word.” Stone murmured, carefully leaning over Fox’s shoulder to get a closer look at the so very small tubie.

“Maybe we should give them a Use Name? There’s a lot of cultures that have them and then pick their own when they reach majority age, so thirteen in natborn years probably.” Hound kept Grizzer close by even as the massiff wagged their entire body in excitement.

“What could be use as a Use Name though? That feels a little too like Naming them and I don’t like that.” Thorn frowned, lightly trailing his fingers down the tubies little pudgy arm, smiling helplessly when they grabbed his hand and giggled.

“Obviously it should be a variation of Fox, he did find them.” Thire looked up to Fox with a smirk and if he wasn’t holding a tubie Fox would have actually punched them.

“There are no variations of Fox, unless you want to call them Faux with the properly pronunciation, but I don’t like that.”

“What about Sox? Senth, osk, xesh? That’s a spelling play on socks. I think it fits.” Stone carefully avoided Fox’s eyes, being the only one in the room that knew his batch chat user name. Not that it mattered anymore.

“Did Cody have any advice?”

“No. He was busy.”

“Oh…well you were typing a while…were the others helpful?” Oh Thire. Ever the optimist.

“No. They were mostly concerned that I ended up a buir first, or blaming me for their troopers getting arrested for breaking the rules on Coruscant.”

The entire room echoed the patented Corrie Stank Face™ because Fox had his entire command staff whipped into the proper shape of vod that he got along with.

Competent shebs’palon’e that they are.

“Well, at least we still have Vos.” Thorn sighed, still held captive by the little tubie.

“I don’t know if Vos should count as reliable information about the care of a natborn tubie, but he’s all we have at this point.” Fox looked down into warm brown eyes and smiled helplessly at how adorable his tubie was.

“Ooooh! His Use Name should be Plots! Because that’s what Fox is the best at!”

The room filled with laughter for the first time since Fox arrived to this horrid posting, he almost forgot what it sounded like. All thanks to his little Plots.

--

The thing about Coruscant that the GAR didn't know was that it wasn't worth protecting. That the down on their luck people were stepped on by those with money and power, and that the people with money and power could do whatever they wanted and get away with it.

It wasn't fair but nothing in life was.

So Fox did the only thing he could do.

Shrugged and moved on.

There was better osik for him to worry about than natborns and their arbitrary rules of class and other such rot. Fox had shinies to take care of and troopers to train, he didn't have any time or energy to spare in wondering about the strange things natborns do.

Didn't stop the Corries from collecting gossip like a trash chute collected waste.

"Senator Drahish definitely has a few side arms, none of the beings that came over to xir rooms last night were xir spouse and they all stayed until relief at 0600!"

"I'm positive Senator Binks only exists to make us question Nabooian citizen's sanity."

"Last week Senator Ishtasi met up with a Jetii and they totally kriffed in the alley. Smelled awful but whatever rattles your shell, am I right?"

"General Kenobi is clearly in love with his Commander, and the Commander is blind as haran and doesn't notice because we all know Commander Fox got all of the brain cells out of that batch."

"At least it's better than Commander Fox knowing Vos is bucket over boots for him and using his privileges to get whatever the Commander needs or wants."

Fox glared at the two discussing that last bit of gossip, but the idiots just smiled cheekily back at him. Unfortunately, his Corries were well aware of his fondness for all of them. Even if none of them necessarily knew that Fox wasn't manipulating Vos so much as he's letting his partner do nice things for him.

He'd never live that down.

So he let the two off with just a wave of his hand and leaned back in his ever so comfy desk chair said Jedi acquired for him. No he will NOT be asking where it came from.

For once he was doing as Hex ordered, and taking a much needed break from the never ending stream of datawork.

(Mostly because Hex had Codex install cams in Fox's office that live streamed to the medbay. His CMO would absolutely notice if he wasn't taking the mandatory breaks and resting his eyes and hands for some kriffing reason.

It was also the unfortunate reason Fox had had to cancel his much desired visit from Quinlan because there was no way in haran Fox was going to let Hex see him and his Jedi kriffing.

That was too much power for one vod to hold.)

His peace last a whole five minutes (a record) when there was a commotion in the hallway right outside his door.

Fox sighed.

Hopefully it would be something important enough that Hex wouldn't get on his shebs about ending his break early.

There was barely enough time for Fox to put his feet down on the floor before the door to his office was slamming open (how in the Force? They were SLIDING doors?!).

It was a GAR trooper in royal blue.

What the heck was one of Rex's idiots doing in Corrie Command?

Thire, Stone, and Thorn all clamored in right after the frontie, a few other guards crowding around in the doorway.

"I told you earlier, frontie, whatever you need to tell us can go through ME first!" Thorn huffed and tried to push his way between the GAR trooper and Fox with a puffed up chest.

The trooper just pushed Thorn aside, which cause his fellow Corrie to let out a hilarious squawking sound as he was knocked to the floor. (Thorn carried around a massive fire arm for fun, the Force was up with this trooper that they could just knock him aside??)

"Commander Fox?" The frontie slurred slightly, swaying a bit where he stood, so Fox decided to put him out of his misery.

"What can I do for you, trooper?"

"Are you actually Commander Fox? Because all of these Corries said that THEY were Commander Fox." The vod took off their bucket and glared. They did not look healthy.

The Aurebesh five on their temple the only thing not coated in sweat and other debris.

Interesting.

Fox settled back in his chair.

"Pretty sure that os'ika, Rex, told you exactly what my paint looked like, Fives. Now what do you want?"

It was a credit to Fives that he didn't startle at Fox knowing who the Force he was, but Fox was still withholding judgement considering the vod looked like he was on a bad spice trip.

Fives squinted at him then nodded quickly.

"Yeah, the Captain said you were, like, a super asshole."

Fox smirked. He did, in fact, have more asshole than most of his batch (barring Cody and Wolffe, who were definitely more asshole than he was).

"Anyway, the Chancellor is a Sith Lord and there are little microscopic chips inside of every vod with override codes that can make us do anything he wants us to, including murdering the Jedi including their tubies and cadets." Fives swayed where he stood, and Stone came up to steady him.

Fox hummed.

"Well?" Fives looked a little angry, but it was to be expected considering he was a frontie.

"Thorn."

"Sir." Thorn snapped to attention and saluted, recognizing Fox's voice for the Professional Shenanigans are Afoot tone that it was.

"You still have that slugthrower I'm not supposed to know about?"

"Yessir."

"Please go get it, I'm going to shoot the Chancellor."

"Yessir!"

The Corries departed with shouts of glee and a few exclamations of "finally!" following them.

Poor Fives just looked confused.

"That's it? I thought I'd have to be more persuasive than that..."

Fox shrugged.

"I've been looking for a way to murder that old man since I got on this skughole of a planet. This is better than the excuses we've been brainstorming."

"And if I'm wrong??" Fives furrowed his brows and looked to Stone like he was going to be of any help.

"Are you?"

"NO!"