#scp-501

Alien: How can a music sheet be dangerous? Human: If you get close to it it will slowly force you before it to finish the song. Alien: And that is bad because? Human: It’ll make you slit your own wrists and use your blood to finish the notes.  Alien: Oh....... -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien: What could be scary about a man who only appears in your dreams? Human: The fact that he often appears before bad shit is about to go down. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien: A cowbell? Human: Safe to say if it looks innocent it’ll probably be the most dangerous thing in the world.  Alien: Fair enough. Alien: What does it do? Human: If you ring it it will summon a creature that will constantly attack you in your sleep until you commit suicide.  Alien: Do humans really do that if they don’t get enough sleep? Human: Yup, excluding college students.  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien: What in the name of gorbo is that!?!? Human: Pack predators that lure their prey in by mimicking voices of people and loved ones. Alien: That’s evil!  Human: Really? Did the bright red skin and dozen sharp pointy teeth not give it away? -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien: An endless staircase?  Human: Perfect for exercise. Alien: And the catch? Human: Just don’t turn around. Alien: Why not? Human: ...... Human: Just don’t turn around. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien: This one seems pretty tame.  Human: If by tame you mean drowning someone and then taking their dead body to the ocean floor to be turned into pulp by the pressure then yes. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien: Why is this creature not contained? Human: Kinda hard to contain something that can move continents.  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien: A soft drink? Human: That makes you not sleep.  Alien: Don’t they do that already? Human: You don’t understand. Human: You drink it and you’ll never sleep again. Human: Ever.

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Alien: Metal wire? Human: Imagine if it was grass that feeds off electricity to grow.  Alien: That doesn’t sound so harmful. Human: Did you know most living creatures generate some form of electricity through bio chemistry? Alien: I do, and your point? Human: This will attach itself to any electrical current and sap it dry.  Alien: I still do- Alien: Oh. Alien: Oh that is awful. Human: Imagine a hundred metal wires stabbing into your body and wrapping themselves around your nerve systems.  Alien: LALALAL I’M NOT LISTENING! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   

Alien: A tree? Human: Correction, a plague tree. Alien: So the fruit gives you diseases? Human: No, that’d be silly.  Human: The fruit spawns swarms of insects that transmit the plague to you if agitated. Alien: How is that better?!?!? Human: Who said is was supposed to be better? -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien: A dollar bill? Human: Not just any normal dollar bill. Alien: Do I even want to know? Human: It makes you forsake all of your worldly possessions to meditate and find inner peace. Alien: That doesn’t sound so bad. Human: It also makes you strip naked, shave off all your hair, cut yourself repeatedly, and then enter a meditative state so deep you eventually die from thirst because you didn’t drink. Alien: Oh come on! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alien: A magic carpet? Human: No. Alien: Oh good.  Alien: For a second I thought- Human: It’s a fungus carpet that eats people. Alien: Is there anything normal about your planet?  Human: Not the carpets, I can tell you that much. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------