#scorecast

When I was young, my childhood wasn’t very good, the music was the only way to comfort me and to feel like I belonged somewhere in the world. But the school... I hated every minute of it once I opened up my mouth and said the words: I’m from the village 13 km away from town.

I was forever branded an outcast for the rest of my student life.

My 2 elderly brothers were of course more social than me, but once we moved from the village where I had a few friends, I lost them all. I was alone and tried to find friends on the school grounds. I managed to secure about 2 friends and we all ended up in circles and common classes from elementary all the way up until we finished junior high.

Tobias, a tall, gentle giant. Smart and an academic. He went later on to study the nature-science program at the college.

Oskar, we were both computer-nerds and musicians in the communal music-school. He was and still is incredibly smart and tech-savy clarinet player. However, when we reached 5th grade he had to move with his family down to the south-part of Sweden and we only had mail correspondence. Or at least he sent letters from places from all over Europe to keep in contact with me until we managed to establish contact back in 2010.

The rest of the class was against me. I was hoping to secure one more friend who had just moved all the way from Lulea, far up north, about 3000km. A tiny guy but a good drum-player.

However, turned out the last guy would be one of the most horrible people who would make my life a living hell together with all the other bullies. I’m sure he got away with it just because he plays drums because it was “cool”. Turned out he was a complete douche.

Ever since then I had to lie to my parents, not getting anyone involved in my daily bouts of being called names, singled out in soccer-games or any activity, being picked last for the team etc. I had to lie EVERY DAY to not make my parents cry.

White lies... they protected my parents from my antagonists, but I was living in that mess all the way up until I completed Music-college.

I finally got away from it when I could start focusing on what I wanted to do in a new town, new people. I felt I could start fresh and I decided from now on, I would like to be open and honest without fearing for my parents.

I take respect seriously and most of all, being called a liar when I have recollection of actions in the back of my head are crystal-clear. The brain has a tendency to really focus on the bad and preserve it for long lenghts of time.

What I posted yesterday is not a freak accident of what I have experienced, but to call me a liar is the last thing you should do. I’ve honored my mistakes, manned up and taken it on the plate. I will no longer be talked “down” to, or never should anyone else in our profession not be treated as equals of what I witnessed.

D2 really lost his shit last night, calling me names that are not flattering, accusing me of slandering him, but I did not attach his name to anything, but I know why. I kept the post pretty vague and he called me out on it, so he must have recognized his own bad behavior. I did the only thing I could to let him save face. To delete the comment because obviously he called himself out in the matter and made him look like an asshole in the process. But it turns out, I’m not not the only one who has experience this behavior from him. Other forums have actually banned him in certain instances because of bad decorum. So I’m not wrong in my post, because as a “chapter”-co-leader,I feel we have responsibility to make sure that people behave in a certain manner around us in these groups.

But calling me a liar, go ahead, doesn’t support your case and I will have a little bit of a deeper talk with the other members on what we should do.