#schmulz

How can you not know?

How could I not miss you?

I wish we brushed our teeth together, I wish we got ready together, I wish we ate breakfast together, I wish we washed the dishes together, I wish we went grocrey shopping together, I wish we lay on the couch and watched tv together, I wish...

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Focusing on Dean and Castiel’s conversation over the phone. Added inner monologue, fluff. SPN fan fic.

Based on Supernatural episode 15 x 06, written by show creator Eric Kripke. Directed by John F. Showalter.

*****

One of the many cell phones being charged is currently ringing. Dean searches through the pile of phones, at the bunker. He can barely see through his bleary vision, having just woken up from another nap. Finally, he locates the correct phone, checking the label to make sure of the alias he’s to portray. While their Bobby used to be the main boss when it came to backing up hunter aliases on “the job”, AU Bobby declined the position when Sam and Dean offered it to him. He leapt at the opportunity to train new hunters in combat and boxing, but got nervous at pretending to be an official fed. Now, the Winchester Brothers were first to call, whenever difficulties with fake IDs came up. Dean answers as quickly as he can, before the person on the other end hangs up.

DEAN: This is Assistant Director Kaiser. 

The sheriff calling raises an eyebrow. He wasn’t really expecting anyone to pick up on the other end. He actually has to take the phone away from his ear and stare at it, wondering if he was hearing correctly. He looks up at the man in the tan trench-coat, with dark hair, standing in front of him. This man really is FBI. Well... The sheriff clears his throat.

SHERIFF: Er, ahem...This is Sheriff Alderoy. Just checking on Agent Worley? He keeps his eyes on Castiel, who has turned slightly away at this point. He appeared to be uncomfortable, for some reason.

Back at the bunker, Dean hesitates for only a moment... wondering. Worley, for Christ’s sake. Only one person would ever..[Sigh]....Cas, where are you? He considers hanging up, even while replying Put my agent on the phone please. He can hear the sheriff saying something to Cas for a moment, then...

CASTIEL: Hello. […….] Dean waits to hear his name but Cas is silent. Really? That’s how it’s gonna be, huh? While probably unprofessional for an agent to refer to his superior by a first name, Cas had never really cared to follow that rule, when undercover, when Dean was on the other end of the line. Well, fine! This’ll be short and to the point. For the best anyway, right?

DEAN: [Carefully] Cas? Sam’s been trying to call you. Even though he probably would never see Castiel again, he had to know that Cas would be alright on his own. He didn’t sound like he was in any real trouble, at the current moment. Right now, Cas didn’t sound like anything. Not angry, not worried...just tired. He had mentioned his powers were failing him, before leaving. Was he human at this point? Castiel sounds gruffer than usual, almost like when he and Dean first met.

CASTIEL: [Curtly] I know. 

DEAN: Did you check his messages?...

CASTIEL: Nope. Castiel fixes his eyes on the blinds on the window behind the sheriff, trying not to envision Dean back at the bunker, his eyes..He sounds tired. Has he been sleeping poorly? Castiel presses his lips together in a grim line, trying to suppress the urge to ask Dean if he's alright.

DEAN: Right, smart. Why would you? Why bother with this? I should just hang up right now. He didn’t expect me to ask to speak with him when he gave the sheriff this number. Screw ‘im. I don’t need this. Still, Dean can’t seem to make himself walk away from the call. He can’t hang up, yet. Still unsure about how it all worked with Chuck controlling them all, maneuvering the puppet strings, Dean knew he’d never get back to sleep unless he was sure that Cas was fully aware of what was going on.

DEAN: Look, I don’t know if you care or not but, uh...God (Chuck) is back on the board, so watch yourself. Why are your powers failing you, now? How bad has it gotten? How are you protecting yourself? Are you being careful, wherever you are? What do you need? The list of things Dean wants to ask Castiel is endless. Instead he chooses to end the conversation then and there, so he doesn’t hear Castiel hanging up on him.  And check your damn messages.. [Click]

Castiel doesn’t know how to receive Dean’s news. A combination of Dean’s nonchalance to the matter, the lifelessness of his voice, the pain of it all. What really moved Castiel the most was the fact that Dean told Cas to “watch himself”, before quickly hanging up. And Chuck...He never left. How long have Dean and Sam known? Why doesn’t Dean sound like he even cares? 

Castiel had accepted the fact that Dean no longer saw him as an ally or friend. They could barely work together in a situation like the one he was currently in at the Sheriff’s office, miles apart and over the phone. But it never occurred to Castiel that Dean had completely given up on himself, that he ceased to care about who he is, forgotten the good he and his brother have done over the years. Dean sounded as if he hoped he died on the job. Dean, stop this. Stop hurting yourself... The sheriff raises an eyebrow at Castiel. Cas quickly pretends to rub dust out of his eye, to catch a tear before the Sheriff can see it. He needed to get some air..

CASTIEL: [Confusedly pretending to react to something his Superior told him] Yes Sir. Thank you Sir! He slams the phone down, and swings his arms around nervously. To the Sheriff: If you could reserve a place for me to go over those case-files in private, I’d be much obliged. I’m stepping outside for a moment, but will return shortly. Cas turns on his heels and heads towards the nearest exit, ignoring the sheriff’s protests.

Cas ducks down an alley and behind a dumpster. As soon as he’s out of sight, his legs give out from underneath him. He slumps to the ground, leaning against the brick wall behind him, covered with graffiti. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Dean. Whatever you’re thinking to yourself right now, just stop! This world needs you... and Sam...Castiel opens his eyes, remembering what Dean had said. He reaches for his phone, checking Sam’s messages. There are several new ones, since the last time he looked at his phone. 

Of course, Castiel had lied to Dean when he told him he’d been ignoring Sam’s texts. He’d just never returned them. Cas couldn’t stand the idea of calling Sam and hearing him pick up on the other end, sounding hopeful, relieved that Castiel was alright because he’d been worried. It wasn’t fair to Sam, and it wasn't right. 

When Castiel listens to Sam’s message about Dean and his encounter with Lilith, he springs to his feet. He nearly drops his phone as he races to his car parked in front of the police station. He’s half-sitting in the driver’s seat when he remembers what he’s doing at the police station to begin with. Cas slowly gets out of the car and leans against it, taking several moments to think. He couldn’t abandon the town like this. The people here had been too accepting of his presence, too kind. Seeing the despair and anguish on Andy’s face that morning at the store, hearing a mother’s pained plea for Castiel’s help...He couldn’t leave, not yet. 

His first instinct was to get back to Sam and Dean as quickly as he could. Dean would hate him for the rest of their lives, he would tear Cas apart, and talk down to him whenever they were in the same room together, but Castiel didn’t care. He knew he couldn’t run away from something as big as the Winchesters were facing. Still...

Cas looks back down at the phone still clutched in his hand. The case he was working was unsolved, and the people in charge of protecting the community, they were basically uncaring. He wonders what Sam or Dean would do if they were in his place?

Minutes later, he’s in a room at the police station, looking over the files he’d requested from the Sheriff, and a local map. There was a pattern with the attacks happening near Jenny Lake. Castiel grabs the map and his trench coat and leaves the police station, without bothering to alert the sheriff or his assistant at the front desk. After checking the directions on the map once more, he gets in his car and pulls away.

Castiel knew he needed to investigate this case further, before even thinking of going back to the bunker. But he would return to be there for Sam and Dean, eventually. Not because Dean or Sam asked for his help, not because Chuck was making him, not because Dean sounded like he might be getting sick, or because going back was the right thing for Castiel to do. He would return to Sam and Dean because the Winchesters were his home. The only home he would ever know....and he wasn’t going to watch it crumble without a fight. He’d given his life for them before, and he would do it again...over and over again...Castiel would beg to be let into the Empty, if it meant Dean and Sam had even the slightest chance at Paradise.

******