#schmoozer

(via Beck wishes he had let "Weird Al" Yankovic parody "Loser")

Being autistic often highlights a child’s faults more than their successes. You automatically notice what they can’t do (play normally, attend big events like parties, etc) before you see what they can. The wins in their life aren’t normal wins, so a lot of them go uncelebrated by the people around them out of ignorance. And a lot of their talents or gifts aren’t seen because it’s hard to get past the strange behaviors to see them. So here’s a big win for Gabe from this last year and a few of his talents.

In the fall, I attended Mr. G’s second IEP meeting at the school. This meeting is attended by three therapists, his lead teacher, the special needs department head, and the principal or vice principal. It’s a big deal. I wasn’t hugely looking forward to it because the first meeting had been sort of defeating. They test your child based on his or her age, and then give you stacks of papers that quantify where they are and where they should be in several areas of development. Mr. G scored so low on almost all of his tests that I was told more than once that ‘his score is X, but that’s because the test won’t let you score below that point. His actual performance was below even that.’ He literally got mercy-ruled on most of his tests.

A Quick Side Note: being told this hurt but was needful. If your therapist or teacher is one who sugarcoats things, then run for the hills and find someone else. They will not give your child what they need to succeed. Truth is best and being told straight gives you a better chance of responding appropriately and making the right choices based on that information. Autism requires a thick skin, and everyone involved knows it.

Back to the story. The first meeting wasn’t great, and in a year’s time, it was hard to say how much progress Mr. G had made from what I could see. Also, I knew his tests would be more difficult this year because he would be graded as a 4 year old, not a 3 year old. Imagine my surprise when Mr. G not only proved in all of the tests that he had made progress over the last year of work but that he had actually significantly closed the gap between this year and last in several areas. This was a huge win for Mr. G. He still has a ways to go, and he probably won’t test out of this particular program before Kindergarten. But it was awesome to have proof that the improvements we saw weren’t just the wishful thinking of loving parents.

Other talents our little boy has include a crazy ability to mimic pitches and tones. One of the first things he did that showed he was actually listening to us was ‘sing’ the first few notes of the Imperial March from Star Wars. When he repeated the performance for his Speech therapist at the time, she was over the moon. He won’t do it on demand most of the time, but if you’re around him long enough listening, you’ll hear him, and it’s pretty cool.

Mr. G is also an accomplished flirt and schmoozer. True story: every few days, Mr. G’s special needs class has recess with the ‘normal’ (I use this term simply because it’s one everyone understands) kids his age. Most times this happens, he makes the rounds of the female teachers on the playground. He walks up to one, looks soulfully into their eyes while leaning against their leg, then says ‘Mama?’ and asks to be picked up. They comply, get cuddles, and then he moves on and does it with another. Here’s the thing: after a few weeks, they figured out his game because they asked his teacher, who asked me, why he did it. I told them he was just schmoozing them because he would rather be held than have to go play. And yet despite knowing that he’s just playing them because he likes being held each one of them still picks him up when asked and gives him cuddles! The teachers know they’re being played and schmoozed and still pick him up because in the words of one ‘He’s just too cute to say no to.’ That is Master level schmoozing right there, guys, and at 4 years old.

The final talent we’ll share is Mr. G’s gift of communication. For a kid who has spent most of his life wordless, he is pretty clever at getting people to do what he wants. Words help, of course, and he’s mastered a few that make life easier (up, open, mama, milk), but what impresses me the most is how he’ll take someone who doesn’t know his approximations or signs or anything and can still get his point across. It’s pretty cool to watch.

So, those are some of my kid’s wins this year. A triumph and some talents. They make us proud to be his parents. :)