-> When an individual labels themselves as scatterbrained. This can be due to having disorganised thoughts, being hyperverbal, being forgetful or struggling to concentrate while doing tasks. It is not exclusive.
id: a rectangular flag with 6 horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the stripes go from smoky dark blue before fading into a dark grey colour. in the very centre of the flag is a smoky blue circle with a grey outline. in the middle of the shape is a light grey head with a lighter grey speech bubble of a scribble shape. the entire icon has a dark grey outline. /end id
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I was playing Factorio and the main tutorial was manned by an old male voice, which I talked to every now and then for guidance. After a while, I needed guidance with making music, and after explaining some things that I don't remember anymore, he mentioned the "Song of the Peninsula" which would make me understand. Then the dream transformed, and I was in the middle of the sea riding atop some sort of dragon-like creature with smooth skin. All through out this last section of the dream there was background music fitting to the situation, and at one point I did hear what was supposed to be the Song of the Peninsula. I'd try to recreate it on FL but it's already slipped my mind... I do remember it starts with two bell sounds.
Anyways, at one point I noticed a tiny tiny island behind us, and after ignoring it for a little bit I went up to check it out. On the island was what looked like a very small colosseum, and inside it were a bunch of eggs laid by a bird which got angry with me when one of the eggs rolled out and I went to get it. For a short while I was trying my hardest to get any of the eggs that rolled off and into the sea, occasionally saving a few ones that had sunk too deep for her, and then they started hatching.
I held all the eggs close as the stringer chicks hatched first and then helped break the shells of the smaller chicks. The ambiance transformed again, I was no longer at sea, but in my house. After holding into the little warm wiggling chicks (which were adorable), they went away. I'm not sure if even in the dream they were supposed to be real or an illusion. The bird told me to go wash up if I needed to, and effectively there was a little mystery egg slime on my pants. So I stood up, went to my room and then woke up.
so it’s been about a month since i left home and flew cross country to be with my mom since she wasn’t doing well. it’s been two since we found out she has stage four lung cancer. honestly, because of the way things have gone, we still don’t know just how bad it is. we haven’t been able to get her a brain scan because of her health.
i got here just in time because she didn’t realize she had pneumonia on top of the cancer and probably would have died days later. it’s been a comedy of errors, this process. not really. i imagine it goes like this for a lot of people and you just don’t really hear about it.
mom fell in a parking lot before she was meant to get a PET scan (where they see where in your body cancer may have spread to). they had given her a weird cast that meant she couldn’t pull her arms into the scanner and it was put off. for a month. when she’s got a very limited amount of time. she hasn’t been able to lay down for an mri of her brain to see if it has spread there because she can’t lie flat without coughing horribly.
the past few weeks are a blur. aside from the obvious scary things, i was shocked to find the way my mom was living. a way that said she hadn’t been okay for a long time. something i never would have heard over a phone call. or smelled, rather.
she lives not just on the other side of the country, but in the middle of nowhere. the nearest tiny towns are 20 miles in either direction and they’re so small that they have maybe one motel each. it’s a beautiful place and it’s during their tourism season so there’s even less space than there could have been. i’m used to being between 5 wawas in a 5 mile radius. and nobody has even heard of a wawa out here.
i had to face all my fears to be here. and reface them every day. (i hate flying and that’s the only thing i’ve had to deal with once. so far) i’ve driven further in the last month than i have in years. after a stint of agoraphobia, i’ve been out of the house and driving every. single. day. i’ve driven more in one day here than i have in over a month at home.
i’m doing so much that it’s hard to be sad about my mom. never mind that she and i piss each other off, there’s just too much to take care of. she went downhill quickly and i have to take care of her 5 cats, giant dog, the weird guy she lets live in her shed, and now her. as well as not burn out like i always do. or aggravate my spinal injury. or have a panic attack.
it sneaks in on the long drives. in the quiet parts before i fall asleep. but there’s so many loose ends i barely have time to focus on these words before thinking about all the things there are still to do. not even the fun stuff. just the responsibility thrust upon me, alone out here with no one but equally shaky footed people to help. i don’t have the support system the way i had it at home. some of it is impossible to access, other parts have just changed.
every day i try to be sad that i’m going to lose my mom soon. but then there’s another task and she yells at me about something else and i’m not afforded the luxury of enjoying my mother’s company.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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“Aww shit I still have the hair dye on, I better go wash it, wait actually imma have a smoke and then go” watch me forget to do that after my cigarette and my hair falling completely off.
I remember questioning if I really do have adhd but there are like small, minuscule, little things that show that I really wasn’t pretending when I was tested for adhd
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